Wish Corruptor

[DevilBear]

Granted. You are now a poor Kurdish farmer. ISIS members often come by and bugger your goats and steal your cheese.

I wish I worked a job I love. They say if you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.

[TheGreatFanatic]

Granted, however, what they meant was that you can only be there for less than 24 hours before you're fired.

 

I wish Flying Lessons didn't cost $8500.

[Fossa]

1 hour ago, TheGreatFanatic said:

I wish Flying Lessons didn't cost $8500.

Granted! The lessons are free, but not the most effective. You're taken up in a plane, and pushed out an open door, a few thousand feet up, and told to flap your arms really, really fast.

I wish I could discover the fountain of youth, and then, bottle and sell the water, so everyone could then revert to and remain whatever age they wanted to, so long as they kept buying my luxury-priced water.

 

[ArielMT]

Granted, but you're now legally too young to have the fountain or the shipping and utility accounts that keep the factory bottling.

I wish when I asked people to send me the exact error messages they get, they wouldn't send screenshots of half the error message pasted into Word attachments.

[Fossa]

Granted! They now send you the entire error message via the US mail, scrawled in barely legible crayon, on large pieces of construction paper decorated with a pretty border of glued on glitter that gets all over everything.

I wish all cars, trucks and other motorized vehicles were replaced by Yaks.

 

[Faust]

On 18 June 2016 at 9:34 PM, Kinharia said:

I wish for a potato

Potato famine got you down?

Also, mr Fossa, Granted! I hope this wasn't an environmental concern though, because large quantities of cattle are AWFUL for the environment! The land they graze takes up space that could be used for oxygen-producing trees and algae, the cowpats they excrete coat pasture and kill grass before local insect life is capable of processing it, and the yaks produce copious amounts of sweet, sweet methane which is a greenhouse gas.

And that's before we get to the spiralling cost of yak food, yak saddles, yak veterinarians and Yakult.

I wish I wasn't all damp from walking to work in the rain.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, you are now super-dehydrated from working is the desert heat.

I wish I could be alert and focused in the morning.

[Caledonian]

Granted, just in the morning, though.

I wish i was the best piper the world has even known.

[DrGravitas]

Granted, your so good that you can entrance rats to follow you and make a successful extermination business out of it. That is, until a particular city failed to pay you your dues for ridding them of all their pests and you entranced their children to march into the river and drown. That just doesn't fly in these modern times and you're raided by earplug-wearing SWAT.

I wish I could comfortably travel the stars.

[Frig]

Granted, but in order to have done so it required you to follow a bald and autistic cult leaders order to castrate yourself and eat cyanide laced pudding while wearing Nikes with three quarters in your pocket.

I wish America would become great again.

 

[Fossa]

Granted! It becomes great, but only in terms of the great numbers of people who stop bathing altogether-in fact, all of them. But we save a great amount of water, soap and shampoo.

I wish they had fursuited boxing matches, and that I would emerge as the next great champion!

 

[LazerMaster5]

Granted, but your family disowns you for being a grown adult who gets off to wearing animal costumes.

I wish I had a high level of mechanical skill so I could custom build a LS swapped battle wagon.

[LadyRadarEars]

Granted, but you can only use this great skill after the global economy collapses and the world is devolved into a Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic dystopia.

I wish I had more money.

[Faust]

Here's two cents, don't spend it all at once.

I wish I didn't need to drink a tinny of Relentless every morning just to wake up.

[Fossa]

Granted! Instead, you must fly around, and drink at least a gallon of fermented fruit juice, from over-ripe fruit, hanging in trees. In which case, you do wake up, but find yourself flying about as erratically as a moth. But a very happy moth.

I wish they would make a furry soap opera.

 

[Faust]

Like this?

(skip me)

[Enigma]

Granted. It is a reimagining of Cats the musical, on Netflix.

I wish I had some cotton candy ice cream.

 

[TheGreatFanatic]

Granted, it doesn't actually taste like cotton candy.

 

I wish my ankle wasn't fucked.

[Kinharia]

Granted. You now have brain damage.

 

I wish for the power to summon the most delicious cake imaginable.

[TheGreatFanatic]

5 hours ago, Kinharia said:

Granted. You now have brain damage.

Already had that to begin with.

skip

[Frig]

Granted. And you used that wish to give you the idea of what you wanted but now you can't have it.

I wish there was a "reality series" singing competition where they purposely let really awful, strange and creepy people advance.

 

 

 

 

[Kinharia]

Granted! It takes over the airwaves and the lower classes lap it up as it distracts them from their godawful lives. ... ... ... wait.

 

I wish for a burrito

[Frig]

Granted, it's a Jonestown style burrito!

I wish for some pie...Wait..

[Faust]

See avatar for outcome.

I wish for another wish to corrupt!

[Fossa]

Granted! But it has to do with Wampire bats in a rather interesting way.

I wish that all Wampire Bats had to wear gold Lamé tutus, and pink, sparkly Ugg boots with beehive hair-dos, and give away free pole and lap dances 8 hours each day, during which time they are also forbidden to bite.

[Snagged]

Granted. The people are afraid of these bats and they'll lynch you because they found out it was you who wished those abominations to come true

I wish this post was liked so I'll get 200 likes

[Kinharia]

Granted. You get banned because it was a post that broke the rules and your computer breaks down.

I wish I could see the original Misfits this September when they perform <3

[Faust]

Granted! They're performing a Gilbert and Sullivan. Hope you like 'the Gondoliers'

I wish I owned a magical spear that could be thrown through solid rock.

[Kinharia]

Granted. It gets stolen by some person on the other side.

I wish I was a genie.

[Faust]

Granted!

I wish I could cure my friend of OCD.

[Fossa]

Granted! They are now a hypochondriac, who is completely convinced that they have OCD.

I wish the role-play section here was more active, fun and creative, and people didn't just make fun of it.

 

 

[TheGreatFanatic]

Granted, the RP turns out to be terrible.

Heh, oh, wait no, my bad, it already does.

 

I wish all you guys would start appreciating my FNaF fetish.

[Faust]

Fédération Nationale des Aphasiques de France? Sure! We all LOVE aphasic french people! We just don't understand them.

I wish this tinny of Relentless would last forever.

[Fossa]

Granted! You now have a relentless lust for discovering sea creatures that are yet undiscovered. You make dive after dive, but as a bat you have little success, and grow more and more frustrated, until one day, a near-sighted sea ray mistakes you for one of their own, falls in love with you and snatches you away as their mate.

I wish all money was in the form of large metal coins, with no bills, checks, cards, paper or digital currencies allowed.

 

[Faust]

Granted! None is still an amount.

I wish for pieces of eight!

[Kinharia]

Granted, you get tiny pieces of a small metal casting of the number 8!

I wish for a nice cup of tea.

[Snagged]

Granted. It is pouch tea and microwaved. 

I wish for a warm and comfortable shower

[Fossa]

Granted, but it's tar, as opposed to water, and just then, there is an explosion at a nearby feather pillow factory, which blows in the window, sticking to such that you now look something like a giant, white bird.

I wish a huge solar flare would knock out the use of all electricity on earth.

 

[DrGravitas]

Granted, the people able to get back on their feet first and reacquire electricity use it to suppress the rest and create a two-tier rulership with many people suffering under their tyrannical rule.

I wish to know the order of all digits of pi.

[Fossa]

Granted! But it turns out that 'The order of all digits of Pi' is actually a secret fraternal organization, where, for your first initiation, you suffer the same fate as Frigg, and each member gets to throw a different pie at you. As you rise in ranks, you get to also throw pies at others.

I wish that suddenly, the gravitational pull of the earth was 50% less so I could jump around, and be all bouncy.

 

[Snagged]

Granted. Your get osteoporosis as a result

I wish for a full moon

[TheGreatFanatic]

Granted, there is always a full moon. However, the Earth is in the way of the sun, blocking any light from getting to it.

SCIENCE! 

 

I wish I had at least a little fucking talent in anything.

 

[Frig]

Granted...You have a talent in ruining everything : >.

 

I wish I was a televangelist so I could act like a complete retard like I usually do but actually get paid 7 figures for it.

[Faust]

Granted! Unfortunately you're a televangelist for the Cult of the Sacred Pie which turns out to be really unpopular and, on top of making a laughing stock of yourself on national television, the seven figures you get paid are all zeroes.

I wish I could make a good 'War of the Worlds' movie that's actually set IN VICTORIAN FUCKING ENGLAND LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE! STOP RUINING OUR LITERATURE, HOLLYWOOD!

[Fossa]

Granted! A 'War of the Worlds' movie is produced that's actually set in Victorian England. However, there's a shortage of actors and actresses at the time, so all the roles are played by people in the worst American reality shows: the guys from Duck Dynasty, the Kardashians, as well as other washed up has-beens, such as Paris Hilton, who directs the film. It also features frequent musical numbers by Justin Bieber, One Direction The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync. But the setting and costuming is perfect.

I wish that the ocean levels would rise so that only 10% of the earth was above water in the next decade, just to see what it would be like.

[Enigma]

Play Windwaker or Megaman Legends. The world will be cell shaded or blocky.

 

I wish for 1 free internet.

 

[Fossa]

Granted, but it's literally a North Korean Internet infrastructure, and you are now back to using dial-up, Netscape Navigator at speeds common in 1995.

I wish I had a singing bone, that healed the sick, made the depressed happy, and the blind see.

[Snagged]

Granted but the bone kills them afterwards

I wish I could summon skeleton key at will

[Fossa]

9 minutes ago, Snagged Cub said:

Granted but the bone kills them afterwards

I wish I could summon skeleton key at will

Granted! But the key has a mind of its own, and releases all the skeletons from your own closet; everything you tried to keep secret and might not want everyone to know about is now made available to the public: on the internet, radio, TV, magazines, billboards, and even on loud-speakers, mounted in public squares around the world.

I wish there were some friendly furries in the city where I live, who wanted to have meets and stuff, and who were not overly smelly, mean or crazy.

[DevilBear]

Granted.

But they are Christian furries and the meetings take place in a "hip" church. The local TV news covers it at least once a year. They show your real name on the broadcasts.

I wish to be stronger.