Falling apart

[Lucyfish]

I lost my job, I'm constantly sick, I'm shitting blood, and without a job I now can't afford to see a doctor.

Hahahaha why the fuck do I even fucking try anymore. Should have offed myself a year ago.

[Saxon]

Do you have a diagnosis for your condition?

This could warrant a trip to the emergency room.

[Lucyfish]

Nope, can't afford it.

[#00Buck]

15 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

I lost my job, I'm constantly sick, I'm shitting blood, and without a job I now can't afford to see a doctor.

Hahahaha why the fuck do I even fucking try anymore. Should have offed myself a year ago.

This forum is a strange place.

I often don't know when people are being sarcastic and or ironic or being serious. 

On the off chance this is serious I'm going to ask...

How much blood?

How often?

Is the blood bright red?

Or is it really dark red?

Is it mixed in or separate from your fecal matter? 

When you wipe is it on the toilet paper and in the bowl or only in the bowl?

Has anything at all be inserted into that area? 

When you say constantly sick please describe the symptoms of this "sickness."

Also have you started ingesting any new or different vitamins, drugs, medications, food, beverage etc?

 

[Saxon]

Just now, Lucyfish said:

Nope, can't afford it.

...They charge people for visiting the emergency room?

Perhaps you can call a relative or friend and ask them to foot the bill, or a friend who studies medicine and would be willing to provide you with at least some cursory advice? Bleeding from the rear could be anything from a benign condition that will resolve itself, like heamorrhoids, to something much more serious.

[Vallium]

Fuck...being broke as hell and sick sucks ><

[Lucyfish]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

This forum is a strange place.

I often don't know when people are being sarcastic and or ironic or being serious. 

On the off chance this is serious I'm going to ask...

How much blood?

How often?

Is the blood bright red?

Or is it really dark red?

Is it mixed in or separate from your fecal matter? 

When you wipe is it on the toilet paper and in the bowl or only in the bowl?

Has anything at all be inserted into that area? 

When you say constantly sick please describe the symptoms of this "sickness."

Also have you started ingesting any new or different vitamins, drugs, medications, food, beverage etc?

 

Drips of blood

Bright red

Not too often

Mixed with poo

On paper and bowl

Nothing inserted recently

Constant headaches and pain

Nothing new ingested

[Snagged]

Are we back to weekly suicide threads or is this an aftermath of the empty feeling thread? Either way, I am getting worried when someone (even jokingly) says stuff like that

[Lucyfish]

2 minutes ago, Saxon said:

...They charge people for visiting the emergency room?

Perhaps you can call a relative or friend and ask them to foot the bill, or a friend who studies medicine and would be willing to provide you with at least some cursory advice? Bleeding from the rear could be anything from a benign condition that will resolve itself, like heamorrhoids, to something much more serious.

 

Thousands, dude. I'm not putting anybody I care about into that much debt.

[Vallium]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

This forum is a strange place.

I often don't know when people are being sarcastic and or ironic or being serious. 

 

It is, but if youre legit broke what can you do? Google it maybe, but youre kind of screwed if you have no money to live.

 

...heres hoping OP recovers from an unserious (albeit awful sounding) condition and maybe gets back on her feet? Job market is hard, man...

[Saxon]

Just now, Lucyfish said:

 

Thousands, dude. I'm not putting anybody I care about into that much debt.

I forget how fortunate I am that I live in a country in which doctors don't charge patients for their care. :\

[Snagged]

2 minutes ago, Saxon said:

I forget how fortunate I am that I live in a country in which doctors don't charge patients for their care. :\

#humblebrag

As much as it sucks to live in US when you get sick or ill, a workaround ought to be found. If I were you, I wouldn't mess with my own personal health and do everything in my hands to get better again, both physically and emotionally. It might get quite costly but desperate times require desperate measures when you can't afford a better option and greedy private corporations know this damn well and abuse it. 

[#00Buck]

19 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

Drips of blood

Bright red

Not too often

Mixed with poo

On paper and bowl

Nothing inserted recently

Constant headaches and pain

Nothing new ingested

I'm not a doctor and my advice is worth zero medically but this sounds like you have haemorrhoids. 

If this is new and recent it is a minor problem but can become worse.

This is a surface injury just inside. It can be caused by a variety of things including stress or straining during bowel movements. 

The brightness of the blood indicates that it is coming from wounds close to the surface. The fact that it is also on the paper indicates this too. 

If the blood was dark and only in the stool it would indicate internal bleeding which is a much more serious problem. 

This is surface bleeding and bright blood is fresh blood. 

Do not insert anything into that area while this is taking place. 

Do not strain or push when having a bowel movement. I'm sure you have known people who will sit for half an hour reading a magazine while having a poop. Be that person for the next few weeks. Also stop eating junk food. Eat some healthy foods like fruits and vegetables and stuff with fibre in it.

Although you may not be able to afford healthcare you can often ask the pharmacist at the local pharmacy for advice for free on an over the counter remedy for haemorrhoids and it should not be expensive. They will likely be able to let you know if the symptoms match and if it is likely that is what you have. 

You want to encourage this condition to heal. That is a very dirty place and you do not want to get an infection in there as you don't have the healthcare to cover it. A serious infection can be life threatening. 

The headaches and pain are probably contributing to this condition by generating stress. I'd recommend getting a new job and taking care of any other problems that are causing you financial, emotional, or other stress as they could be the cause of your headaches and other problems. 

However, if you can get the opinion of a medical professional please do so asap. 

Good luck. 

[Lucyfish]

The bleeding has happened before about a year ago. It was worse then, though.

[DrGravitas]

Bright red is good (well, relatively), it means its likely not from deeper in the intestines and is thus less likely to be a serious issue and more likely do be due to a cut or split from dry skin or maybe hemorrhoids (fyi, ianad). Continue to monitor it and your diet. Drink plenty of water.

[#00Buck]

4 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

The bleeding has happened before about a year ago. It was worse then, though.

If you were also under stress or strain at the same time then it was likely also haemorrhoids. Just do what I recommended above and you should be okay if that is the case.

I'm guessing that you are under a lot of stress from job loss and money problems coming from the job loss. There may be other stresses as well. 

The best thing to do is resolve the most major source of stress first and then go on and resolve the rest in order of easiest to hardest. 

I think you'll find less headaches, better sleep, more energy, and other factors will improve greatly. 

[Lucyfish]

Just now, #00Buck said:

If you were also under stress or strain at the same time then it was likely also haemorrhoids. Just do what I recommended above and you should be okay if that is the case.

I'm guessing that you are under a lot of stress from job loss and money problems coming from the job loss. There may be other stresses as well. 

The best thing to do is resolve the most major source of stress first and then go on and resolve the rest in order of easiest to hardest. 

I think you'll find less headaches, better sleep, more energy, and other factors will improve greatly. 

I live in poverty, I'm never going to be free of any of that stress. I'm completely fucked in that regard.

[Feelwell]

1 minute ago, Lucyfish said:

I live in poverty, I'm never going to be free of any of that stress. I'm completely fucked in that regard.

It only stresses you if you let it.

Worrying solves nothing.

And you don't know that you'll spend life in poverty. Anything. Can. Happen.

[Saxon]

Expanding on Buck's point, if you stand up when you defaecate, then that massively reduces one's chances of developing haemorrhoids in the future.

It really would be prudent to seek actual medical advice, though, because there are lots of other problems which can result in bleeding from the rear.

[Lucyfish]

Just now, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

It only stresses you if you let it.

Worrying solves nothing.

And you don't know that you'll spend life in poverty. Anything. Can. Happen.

ahahahahahahaha bullshit.

[GarthTheWereWolf]

As Buck pointed out~ it sounds like hemorrhoids.

Even if you went to doctor likely they'd just tell you to buy some tucks wipes (pretty much just baby wipes soaked with witchhazel) and to eat a high fiber diet. You can buy some over the counter stool softener if its exceeding painful. Hydrate, exercise, don't strain on the toilet and try taking sitz baths after your 'movements'

Unless they're really bad external hemorrhoids doctor isn't likely to do much more about it. You just have to wait for them to go away on their own and try not exacerbate them.

27 minutes ago, Saxon said:

...They charge people for visiting the emergency room?

Hospitals with emergency rooms are actually legally not allowed to turn people away if they cannot pay. They don't like to advertise this fact, as this of course means they have to eat the bill and it raises prices for everyone else~ but homeless people and illegal immigrants come in all the time and cant pay. its not necessarily 'ethical' but if you wanted to you could go in to emergency room with no ID and say you have no home address or means to pay and they cant turn you away.

Another fun unethical ER trick is to tell them "I'm having trouble breathing." That'll get you to front of the line immediately. And if your breathing problems happen to have gotten better by time doctor gets there~ well, doctors here now. May as well tell him about your other problems <;

[#00Buck]

Just now, Lucyfish said:

I live in poverty, I'm never going to be free of any of that stress. I'm completely fucked in that regard.

I used to sleep in a room so cold that I could see my breath and a sheet of ice would form on the ceiling of my bedroom. 

So I know what it is like to be poor. I'm not poor anymore so you can improve things if you try hard enough. 

Get another job and go from there. You can solve the problems one at a time. The journey is just putting one foot in front of the other.

It can be long, boring, painful, shitty, and awful but you will eventually get somewhere that isn't the awful place you are in now. 

TLDR: Your ass will be fine and you're not dying and all you need is another job and a back rub. 

 

[Enigma]

28 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

This forum is a strange place.

I often don't know when people are being sarcastic and or ironic or being serious. 

Like a fish out of water?

 

@Lucyfish do what military doctors do. WebMD and feint intelligence on the subject.

[Tsuujou]

30 minutes ago, Saxon said:

...They charge people for visiting the emergency room?

Perhaps you can call a relative or friend and ask them to foot the bill, or a friend who studies medicine and would be willing to provide you with at least some cursory advice? Bleeding from the rear could be anything from a benign condition that will resolve itself, like heamorrhoids, to something much more serious.

 

19 minutes ago, 6tails said:

Shit, even with Obamacare I don't pay shit at the ER.

Yeah, I'm US as well and I don't have to pay for ER. I'm not sure why it's different for Lucy.

[Lucyfish]

I'm just really tired of constantly losing everything. Every time I get my foot in the door, it gets chopped right off. I'm tired of it. The last 5 years of my life have been nothing but a complete waste. I've gotten nowhere, and I'm going nowhere.

[Saxon]

9 minutes ago, GarthTheWereWolf said:

As Buck pointed out~ it sounds like hemorrhoids.

Even if you went to doctor likely they'd just tell you to buy some tucks wipes (pretty much just baby wipes soaked with witchhazel) and to eat a high fiber diet. You can buy some over the counter stool softener if its exceeding painful. Hydrate, exercise, don't strain on the toilet and try taking sitz baths after your 'movements'

Unless they're really bad external hemorrhoids doctor isn't likely to do much more about it. You just have to wait for them to go away on their own and try not exacerbate them.

Hospitals with emergency rooms are actually legally not allowed to turn people away if they cannot pay. They don't like to advertise this fact, as this of course means they have to eat the bill and it raises prices for everyone else~ but homeless people and illegal immigrants come in all the time and cant pay. its not necessarily 'ethical' but if you wanted to you could go in to emergency room with no ID and say you have no home address or means to pay and they cant turn you away.

Another fun unethical ER trick is to tell them "I'm having trouble breathing." That'll get you to front of the line immediately. And if your breathing problems happen to have gotten better by time doctor gets there~ well, doctors here now. May as well tell him about your other problems <;

Well, the latter unethical trick is legimitately bad, because somebody who is in greater need could die as a result of it.

But as Garth points out, I don't think there is anything wrong with turning up there, if you are suffering from a mystery condition which could in fact be serious, and declaring yourself unable to pay. You're in need.

I'm just really tired of constantly losing everything. Every time I get my foot in the door, it gets chopped right off. I'm tired of it. The last 5 years of my life have been nothing but a complete waste. I've gotten nowhere, and I'm going nowhere.

If you can get your medical problem solved first, you'll be in a better position to evaluate how you want to change things. A lot of people get into these situations of long term unemployment and they do get out of them, so it's not an impossible battle.

 

[Tsuujou]

32 minutes ago, Saxon said:

I forget how fortunate I am that I live in a country in which doctors don't charge patients for their care. :\

The more I think about it the more ridiculous it is to me, honestly. Just used to it. But they do everything they can to milk you dry at your medical expense. I wouldn't mind paying if it was just cheaper. 

[#00Buck]

2 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

I'm just really tired of constantly losing everything. Every time I get my foot in the door, it gets chopped right off. I'm tired of it. The last 5 years of my life have been nothing but a complete waste. I've gotten nowhere, and I'm going nowhere.

Well my life didn't start to improve until I was over thirty. Things started to get slightly better financially but then there was a constant string of people getting terminal illnesses and dying and people being arrested and disappearing and losing jobs and getting jobs and relationships falling apart and friends turning out to not be my friends. Now that most of the people I know are dead things are starting to improve but it took a really long time and a lot of work. Not as in on the job work but as in simply not giving up and just trying to keep going even when everything made me want to quit. 

There is no such thing as wasted time as long as you learn something from the time you put in. I'm old enough now that I've pretty much seen or experienced everything in life at least twice. There are very few things you can show me that I've never seen before. This is where wisdom comes from. If you take in the experiences and try not to repeat the bad ones you will find yourself making more progress at a faster rate. When I do see something new I'm usually fascinated by it an a little bit wary because I don't know the best way to deal with it. But no matter what it is I'll survive it. 

It really is about outlasting things and people. I can outlast just about anyone. That's really all you need to do to make it. I have no special talents or skills. I'm just really good at staying in the game and surviving. 

[Lucyfish]

8 minutes ago, Saxon said:

If you can get your medical problem solved first, you'll be in a better position to evaluate how you want to change things. A lot of people get into these situations of long term unemployment and they do get out of them, so it's not an impossible battle.

I can't change anything. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that they actually have a single iota of control over their lives in this country. I'm a slave, and I will remain in the shitter until one of the masters decides otherwise.

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

It really is about outlasting things and people. I can outlast just about anyone. That's really all you need to do to make it. I have no special talents or skills. I'm just really good at staying in the game and surviving. 

If that's how it is, then I don't WANT to make it.

[Saxon]

5 minutes ago, XoPachi said:

The more I think about it the more ridiculous it is to me, honestly. Just used to it. But they do everything they can to milk you dry at your medical expense. I wouldn't mind paying if it was just cheaper. 

Incidentally my twin has developed a chronic disease, the principal symptom of which is bleeding from the rear. (I do not wish to scare Lucyfish)

He pays a cursory fee of £8 for a prescription of the medications he must take in an attempt to control the disease. It would be extremely unfair if he were made to pay for all of the medication, in my opinion, because he is only just about to finish University and begin his career; imagine starting off on the career ladder with such a big disadvantage.

I can't change anything. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that they actually have a single iota of control over their lives in this country. I'm a slave, and I will remain in the shitter until one of the masters decides otherwise.

If that's how it is, then I don't WANT to make it.

Don't sell yourself short; you can and will turn things around in the end. It's a difficult time to search for employment right now, but the situation will pick up eventually.

[#00Buck]

1 minute ago, Lucyfish said:

I can't change anything. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that they actually have a single iota of control over their lives in this country. I'm a slave, and I will remain in the shitter until one of the masters decides otherwise.

If that's how it is, then I don't WANT to make it.

That's how it is for me. I'm the person with no special talents or skills or intelligence. If you're even slightly better or smarter than me it should be easier. 

Plus I have all the things in life that any average person would dream of. 

Getting up and facing the world every day isn't the worst price to pay to get all that good stuff. 

At worst we all just have first world problems. I know stuff can seem shitty but it really isn't all that bad. 

It feels good to sip an incredibly expensive coffee while driving down the street in my flashy brand new car while other people walk or wait for the bus. I worked hard and I earned it so I'm going to enjoy it and life is so much better than it was in the past. I'm just trying to outlast and survive a different group of assholes on a daily basis. 

It feels good to level up. You'll make it. Feel shitty. Get over it. Move on. 

 

[Azure]

41 minutes ago, Enigma said:

Like a fish out of water?

 

@Lucyfish do what military doctors do. WebMD and feint intelligence on the subject.

This soooooooo much

[Enigma]

Just now, Azure said:

This soooooooo much

I forgot the ibeprofen. All the ibeprofen.

[Lucyfish]

Everything is falling apart

It's July 25, 2015 all over again

I can't do this again

[Feelwell]

35 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Now that most of the people I know are dead things are starting to improve

Jesus.

[#00Buck]

1 minute ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Jesus.

 

4 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

Everything is falling apart

It's July 25, 2015 all over again

I can't do this again

What is the significance of this date?

[Lucyfish]

5 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

What is the significance of this date?

It's the day Red and Milo were killed

[#00Buck]

9 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

It's the day Red and Milo were killed

Ah, I didn't know this. 

I'm sorry for your loss. 

I know you don't like me very much but if you need to talk let me know. 

Best wishes. 

[Fantasma]

@Lucyfish

Damn girl, hang in there. Everything will be okay.

If you need a room, we have an apartment. You just buy your own food to the best of your ability and we'll do our best to take care of the rest. Your own bed/bathroom, just shared with cats.

If you get worse and still can't see a doctor, as stupid as it may sound we could crowdfund it.

 

I don't want to see you get desperate, I just will help however with what I can. Let me know.

 

Edit:

Like seriously we have a nice apartment in a safe part of a good city. Like it coul be a time for you to get back on your feet, no matter how long that takes I offer my help.

You'd have a full bedroom and bath and closet to yourself.... well I mean the cats litterboxes are in the bathroom but mostly to yourself.

[Guest]

Hemmroids are definitely traetable. Lots of water, don't strain while shitting, kind of um.. like, squat a bit? It makes poopin easier. Sitz bath would help ya business, too. Lots of mild stuff for a while.

As far as anything else, I literally dunno what to tell you. What'll help best honestly is an attitude change, but I mean, its impossible when you're in a certain position. Finding the optimism, or the ethic or the motivation to shake off the failures to strive forward purely by effort of survival- the hustle, if you will- won't work if you dont even have the will to live.

Like, I genuinely don't know what to tell you. Keep writing out how you feel. SEe if there are any LGBT resources available. Apply to everything and anything. It isnt for everyone, but if you can sell drugs even for a sort time- without touching the product- I mean literally, you're in do or die mode right now. 

You gotta do whatever to survive. Homelessness is no fucking joke, and not everyone can survive that. I barely did for my month. 

[Lucyfish]

It's just hard to even want to survive anymore. I keep losing jobs, losing friends...

I just feel pain every day now, physically and emotionally.

[Endless/Nameless]

I wish there was something I could do for you.

[Cap'n Crosseye]

6 hours ago, GarthTheWereWolf said:

Another fun unethical ER trick is to tell them "I'm having trouble breathing." That'll get you to front of the line immediately. And if your breathing problems happen to have gotten better by time doctor gets there~ well, doctors here now. May as well tell him about your other problems <;

Don't do this.

I used to work in a busy ER and all this does is piss off the staff.  Plus, we can tell when you're faking a breathing problem.  Unless you're an A-List actor (you aren't), the note that you're faking will get back to the doctor who decides your care.  Staff that knows you're faking will not take you seriously and a lot of your problems won't be addressed.

And yes, ERs have to eat the bill if you can't pay.  A hospital will face hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines if they turn you away.  If you make it known that you can't afford the bill, make it known early in your visit.

[Zaraphayx]

7 hours ago, Saxon said:

I forget how fortunate I am that I live in a country in which doctors don't charge patients for their care. :\

How dare people want to be paid well to perform a difficult skill that is critically essential to society and requires a huge personal and financial investment.

These greedy doctors just want to squeeze the money right out of my brittle, diseased bones. >:^(

[Lucyfish]

7 minutes ago, Zaraphayx said:

How dare people want to be paid well to perform a difficult skill that is critically essential to society and requires a huge personal and financial investment.

These greedy doctors just want to squeeze the money right out of my brittle, diseased bones. >:^(

One would think taxes could do a pretty good job paying doctors

[Cap'n Crosseye]

7 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

One would think taxes could do a pretty good job paying doctors

But how else are we supposed to bomb those darn brown people?  :v

[willow]

4 hours ago, Lemon said:

Hemmroids are definitely traetable. Lots of water, don't strain while shitting, kind of um.. like, squat a bit? It makes poopin easier. Sitz bath would help ya business, too. Lots of mild stuff for a while.

also to my knowledge, there's OTC creams you can use to treat it, if that really is the problem and you can afford that. but generics are usually around $5-6

[Glowing Glass]

20 hours ago, Lucyfish said:

It's just hard to even want to survive anymore. I keep losing jobs, losing friends...

I just feel pain every day now, physically and emotionally.

I can see that being difficult, I wish I had the ability to help you. Being sick and losing jobs is bad, being broke to top it all off makes it seem impossible to go anywhere. If you lose more friends just remember we are here, we can be your friends. Just hang in there if you can. I'm sure eventually someone can help you if you ask.

[#00Buck]

On August 29, 2016 at 9:08 PM, Lucyfish said:

It's just hard to even want to survive anymore. I keep losing jobs, losing friends...

I just feel pain every day now, physically and emotionally.

You need an outside perspective on life and you need if from a person who is in a healthy place and you need to take their advice seriously. 

People always say "things never work out for me and I've tried everything."

So you asked them what they tried.

They give you a list of three or four things that they try over and over again without success. 

That isn't trying "everything." That's doing the same bullshit over and over again. 

So you mention twelve new things to try. They get confused. They thought the stuff they were doing was "everything."

Turns out they didn't even think of a lot of solutions. 

You need a role model. Someone who has their shit together and is successful. Go find one. Do what they tell you.

Plus don't sell drugs. With your luck / ability to mess things up you'll probably get arrested and it will only make your life worse. 

[ZorroValdez]