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My boyfriends keep turning into girls.


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At least three times so far, I'd began dating a guy, and it seems to go okay, then eventually he says "btw I'm a transgirl now". (When I say at least three, I mean that there are others who I wasn't officially dating but was talking to).

I have nothing against transgender people- more power to them for being who they want. But it's just annoying, for someone like me, who is only attracted to guys. And it's not like the guy was cross-dressing a lot before he came out or anything (though I know cisguys cross-dress too). There wasn't a way to tell at the beginning. I don't blame them for hiding it, but don't get into a relationship with someone if it could ruin it. They specifically knew I wasn't attracted to girls. I know it's every person for themself, but still. If it only happened once, it'd be whatever but it keeps happening.

I may get flack for this, but... I honestly think it's certain chemicals in our food or water nowadays. Apparently, they cause estrogen production or something like that. That, and them not being raised stritcly enough. I know it sounds bigoted and ignorant, but I can't help but think of anything else. This problem didn't happen years ago.

I do have two straight guy friends who had the opposite happen- their ex-girlfriends turned into transguys. But this seems less often the case.

I feel like I have to put up a warning when I start dating: "only date me if you're 100% cis". Because my exs started off using "genderfluid" as a stepping-stone, or saying "I wonder what it would have been like had I been born a girl". I'm honestly afraid to date now. I don't want to keep getting heartbroken.

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I may get flack for this, but... I honestly think it's certain chemicals in our food or water nowadays. Apparently, they cause estrogen production or something like that. That, and them not being raised stritcly enough. I know it sounds bigoted and ignorant, but I can't help but think of anything else

Probably sounds bigoted and ignorant because you're being bigoted and ignorant.

Also, there is painful irony that you are a gay guy and you're pulling the 'chemicals and wussy upbringing!' card when that's often a card used to dismiss homosexuality as a 'treatable condition'.  So congrats, you are not ONLY bigoted and ignorant, but shooting yourself and the entire GLBT community in the foot with your bigotry and ignorance.

But hopefully one day your father will come around, beat the gay out of you, then give you some manly steak, and everything will be good and straight again.

Edited by AshleyAshes
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My husband became my wife and I couldn't be happier. I'm not into girls, but I'm sure as hell into her, because she's the woman I've loved for 12 years - even if I didn't know about the woman part until the last two. 

That is actually really so sweet to read, it gave me a toothache. May you guys have many more great years!

As for OP: I understand where you're coming from, but part of opening yourself up for relationships includes the risk of being hurt. Trying to avoid that means blocking yourself off from potential relationships because you fear getting into one with a transgender person again.

And that would be a shame, imo.

 

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Probably sounds bigoted and ignorant because you're being bigoted and ignorant.

Also, there is painful irony that you are a gay guy and you're pulling the 'chemicals and wussy upbringing!' card when that's often a card used to dismiss homosexuality as a 'treatable condition'.  So congrats, you are not ONLY bigoted and ignorant, but shooting yourself and the entire GLBT community in the foot with your bigotry and ignorance.

well, there surely *is* a biological reason people are transgender. Just as there is a biological reason for homosexual people. (Which is why it's not a choice) 

honestly, the op just seems confused/a lil dim. 

The true reason why he is probably seeing more transgender people in his life is due to the increased awareness they are receiving and acceptance. 

Lots of people are questioning their gender identity these days because for a lot of people it's the first time they've been allowed to. 

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We are still the same people you (and others) came to love, just more true to ourselves when we find out.

So if you can't phsyically be attracted to your partners, atleast be kind.

Don't blame on some bullshit reasons like being trans is some kind of illness. It's not, it's beautiful even if it hurts sometimes.

It's not something that the cure is to get rid of, the "cure" is to live happily as ourselves even in the face of bigotry.

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well, there surely *is* a biological reason people are transgender. Just as there is a biological reason for homosexual people. (Which is why it's not a choice) 

honestly, the op just seems confused/a lil dim. 

There would be, but there's also no strong scientific conclusions to it being biological or even psychological.  Not that I'm dismissing it, I'm just saying that in the field of research they've gotten really no farther than 'We found some potentially interesting results that warrant a lot more study'.  However attempting to go for the 'simple answer' of 'Too much hormones in the dairy cows and not enough spankings' or something like that is, well, dumb.  There's also no real support for it either.

But I get it.  People LIKE the idea of simple answers.  They feel safer with ideas of simple cause and effect.  When it comes to aspects of the brain and psychology, it's never that simple, and those who want to treat it like it's that simple are deluding themselves.

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I've heard a lot of "reasons" as to why a trans person is trans. Living in a heavily military area (as in there are no less 6 different bases in a 50 mile radius), one of the most common claims is that it was caused by the saltpeter secretly given to troops in the Vietnam-era in order to suppress sexual appetite. Those who were not directly affected supposedly passed this on to their children.

I've known a huge amount of transgender men and women who were in, or are currently in, the service. I had the honor of serving with several of them. Several of them are combat veterans who have seen things I can't even imagine. Some of them are still fighting those battles long after they've come home. And some of them will tell you that the hardest battle they fought wasn't in war, but in their own homes, family and military commands just trying to be the person they've always been. 

If that isn't courage and strength, I don't know what is. But hey, don't take my word for it. Ask Senior Chief Kristen Beck, who was awarded with a Bronze Star with Combat Distinguishing Service and a Purple Heart...and is also a retired (and first openly trans) Navy SEAL. 

Or, you know, it's estrogen in the water and a namby pamby upbringing.

Edited by Signy
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This problem didn't happen years ago.

It's because the less standards and norms you have, the less standards and norms you have. Each change towards more liberal and tolerant stance gives more margin, allowing even further changes. Perpetuum mobile, simple as that.

 

There would be, but there's also no strong scientific conclusions to it being biological or even psychological. 

Human development process is so complicated, that there are more than enough moments for something to go wrong, both body-wise and psychic-wise.

 

As for OP's issue. Try changing the environment and groups you're trying your luck with. The more people are into stuff even briefly connected with escapism, the more likely they're to change their identity.

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At least three times so far, I'd began dating a guy, and it seems to go okay, then eventually he says "btw I'm a transgirl now". (When I say at least three, I mean that there are others who I wasn't officially dating but was talking to).

I have nothing against transgender people- more power to them for being who they want. But it's just annoying, for someone like me, who is only attracted to guys. And it's not like the guy was cross-dressing a lot before he came out or anything (though I know cisguys cross-dress too). There wasn't a way to tell at the beginning. I don't blame them for hiding it, but don't get into a relationship with someone if it could ruin it. They specifically knew I wasn't attracted to girls. I know it's every person for themself, but still. If it only happened once, it'd be whatever but it keeps happening.

I may get flack for this, but... I honestly think it's certain chemicals in our food or water nowadays. Apparently, they cause estrogen production or something like that. That, and them not being raised stritcly enough. I know it sounds bigoted and ignorant, but I can't help but think of anything else. This problem didn't happen years ago.

I do have two straight guy friends who had the opposite happen- their ex-girlfriends turned into transguys. But this seems less often the case.

I feel like I have to put up a warning when I start dating: "only date me if you're 100% cis". Because my exs started off using "genderfluid" as a stepping-stone, or saying "I wonder what it would have been like had I been born a girl". I'm honestly afraid to date now. I don't want to keep getting heartbroken.

I think it's just the people you're around, are finding out about themselves more, and come to the realization that they're trans. Nothing's wrong with you or them, or that.

You just gotta find the right guy. That's all. ;o)

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Probably sounds bigoted and ignorant because you're being bigoted and ignorant.

Also, there is painful irony that you are a gay guy and you're pulling the 'chemicals and wussy upbringing!' card when that's often a card used to dismiss homosexuality as a 'treatable condition'.  So congrats, you are not ONLY bigoted and ignorant, but shooting yourself and the entire GLBT community in the foot with your bigotry and ignorance.

But hopefully one day your father will come around, beat the gay out of you, then give you some manly steak, and everything will be good and straight again.

I'm a straight female. Nice try.

As for the "group" I'm hanging out with... there is no group. I don't stick to one place really. But I wouldn't be in places with stereotypically "manly" guys like sports bars because that's just not my type of setting.

I was using dating sites mostly... but seriously I am going to do the "Don't message me unless you're 100% cis and always will be" thing. Because this is getting annoying. And if you're gonna tell me how intolerant I am... why don't you tell a straight guy to date a guy and see how he likes it.

What's even worse is a lot of these girls were really cute as guys before they came out. =( Then afterward, they don't make pretty girls (I'm saying this not from a sexual attraction standpoint, because as I mentioned I'm not attracted to girls, but just as a beauty opinion).

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I'm a straight female. Nice try.

Yeah well, you still probably suck.

What's even worse is a lot of these girls were really cute as guys before they came out. =( Then afterward, they don't make pretty girls (I'm saying this not from a sexual attraction standpoint, because as I mentioned I'm not attracted to girls, but just as a beauty opinion).

Yup, you suck.  You're basically a terrible person and I can see how fortunate these individuals are to not be dating you any longer.

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I'm a straight female. Nice try.

Don't worry, it's Ashley. Never having anything interesting or insightfull to say and liking "assuming" things, certainly compensating for something.

I don't know. But don't you have some pattern you're following whilst picking your possible candidates? If you do, then maybe it would be worth breaking it.

And I absolutely understand it. In this case, it's them being intolerant jerks, accusing you of intolerance, having no understanding of what personal preferences are. So a pro tip - if you're straight and cis, don't expect any kind of help or advice from our bigoted LGBTQ folks. They're useless, as it was proven above.
And yes, it's hard to make a good-looking woman out of a grown-up man, without using tons of make-up. Bone structure and skeleton proportions remain the same.

Edited by Ayattar
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I may get flack for this, but... I honestly think it's certain chemicals in our food or water nowadays. Apparently, they cause estrogen production or something like that. That, and them not being raised stritcly enough. I know it sounds bigoted and ignorant, but I can't help but think of anything else. This problem didn't happen years ago.

If you had data from 'years ago' measured in today's environment by today's standards you might very well find out it did happen.

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I may get flack for this, but... I honestly think it's certain chemicals in our food or water nowadays. Apparently, they cause estrogen production or something like that. That, and them not being raised stritcly enough. I know it sounds bigoted and ignorant, but I can't help but think of anything else. This problem didn't happen years ago.

This is the point where I burst out laughing.

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I was using dating sites mostly... but seriously I am going to do the "Don't message me unless you're 100% cis and always will be" thing. Because this is getting annoying. And if you're gonna tell me how intolerant I am... why don't you tell a straight guy to date a guy and see how he likes it.

 

Be prepared to have a horde of  irate SJWs on your lawn for this statement. :V

Gotta love people and their transphobia. They say the darnedest things!

 

Edited by Ozriel
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Well I mean Ashley already got triggered so we're halfway there.

I don't really blame her. Like goddamn, OP is so ignorant on the subject matter it's astounding.

Anyone who thinks that people are turning trans because of estrogen in the food and water supply must have fallen out of the world's largest stupid tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down.

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I don't really blame her. Like goddamn, OP is so ignorant on the subject matter it's astounding.

Anyone who thinks that people are turning trans because of estrogen in the food and water supply must have fallen out of the world's largest stupid tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down.

In their defence(?) the OP actually seems genuinely dim. They probably can't help it.

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In their defence(?) the OP actually seems genuinely dim. They probably can't help it.

You know, it'd help if you didn't spell words wrong when attempting to condescend a fellow forum goer.

 

Toshabi Rule #4255: Spell check before trying to act hard in front of people you so desperately want approval from. 

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I don't really blame her. Like goddamn, OP is so ignorant on the subject matter it's astounding.

Anyone who thinks that people are turning trans because of estrogen in the food and water supply must have fallen out of the world's largest stupid tree and hit every fucking branch on the way down.

Yeah see there's a healthy way of expressing incredulity at a patently stupid idea.

It was my way.


 

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You know, it'd help if you didn't spell words wrong when attempting to condescend a fellow forum goer.

 

Toshabi Rule #4255: Spell check before trying to act hard in front of people you so desperately want approval from. 

If you're referring to 'defence', it's isn't wrong just not American. I'm okay with this because I'm also not American.

Also on the subject of desperate, going after what would have been a spelling error in an effort to make a statement about intelligence is sad.

Edited by Wolflich
because
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If you're referring to 'defence', it's isn't wrong just not American. I'm okay with this because I'm also not American.

Also on the subject of desperate, going after what would have been a spelling error in an effort to make a statement about intelligence is sad.

You don't understand, I'm acting like you. 

BOOM SHIGGITY BAM! Toshabi scores one for the home team. Take that team foreign. 

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Don't worry, it's Ashley. Never having anything interesting or insightfull to say and liking "assuming" things, certainly compensating for something.

I don't know. But don't you have some pattern you're following whilst picking your possible candidates? If you do, then maybe it would be worth breaking it.

And I absolutely understand it. In this case, it's them being intolerant jerks, accusing you of intolerance, having no understanding of what personal preferences are. So a pro tip - if you're straight and cis, don't expect any kind of help or advice from our bigoted LGBTQ folks. They're useless, as it was proven above.
And yes, it's hard to make a good-looking woman out of a grown-up man, without using tons of make-up. Bone structure and skeleton proportions remain the same.

that depends entirely on your standard of beauty. ;3 

which i I guess is the Barbie model. 

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Normally I'm cruel and would say "Maybe it's you than whats in the food and liquids" but instead I'll just say
"Maybe it's you" And we need to study this for scientific reasons so keep on dating guys and see if they become trans while dating you so we can just go "trans people are created by being around people with shitty old fashion views that drives 'em to become the opposite sex"

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I've got about 2,000+ years of recorded history that says exactly the opposite, from Rome to Thailand to India.

 

Well the Thai and Indians are just weird as fuck to begin with. They still have the ladyboy and hijra thing going on (which isn't widely accepted apparently).

As for the rest of this thread, it seems derailed. Maybe my "theory" was wrong and outdated, but the point still stand that I feel like I'm being deceived. To me, it's just as bad as being cheated on. I can't imagine the people who are married for years and one of them comes out... must be incredibly hard on the cis one. Though, maybe like Signy mentioned, if I loved someone for so long, I could maybe look past it. But these relationships were less than a year.

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Well the Thai and Indians are just weird as fuck to begin with. They still have the ladyboy and hijra thing going on (which isn't widely accepted apparently).

As for the rest of this thread, it seems derailed. Maybe my "theory" was wrong and outdated, but the point still stand that I feel like I'm being deceived. To me, it's just as bad as being cheated on. I can't imagine the people who are married for years and one of them comes out... must be incredibly hard on the cis one. Though, maybe like Signy mentioned, if I loved someone for so long, I could maybe look past it. But these relationships were less than a year.

Are you under the impression people just know all along and this is some kind of scheme? What you described doesn't sound to me like anyone knowingly deceived you (and why would they want to, knowing you wouldn't be attracted to them anymore?) so it seems strange that you'd compare it to cheating.

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