Arsehole Supervisor

[Ratmomma]

So I've been working at this grocery store for like 3 months or some shit, I don't remember when I started (shits a blur, maaaan). The supervisor and his butt buddy coworker of mine haven't treated me like an equal member of the team since day 1. Why? I don't know. My dept is all men, and I'm the only woman. Is it because I'm female? Is it because I'm younger? Is it both? Who knows. Either reason is fucking stupid, because I'm more than qualified and knowledgeable in retail and working/pushing freight. Even the 17yr old on the team talks down to me. I humor him and allow him to enjoy is 5sec of a woman listening to him (though lately I just spark back with something completely trumping his knowledge of whatever he's trying to spout at me, because he's fucking 17 with no foot in the real world, whereas I've been there, done that (I'm 24, been working retail since I was 16), mostly because I feel bad for the kid.

So onto the bullshit. I've got Bipolar II Disorder coupled with Dysthymia and chronic depression. In the past 2.5wks, I've finally gotten in to see a new psychiatrist, have been hooked up with a therapist, and have been given a female only support group to go to if I so feel like it (everyone I see and talk to is female, because I prefer female interaction when it comes to my mental and reproductive health, and it's my only break from my exclusively male hoard of coworkers).

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act, I do NOT have to disclose what's wrong with me to my employer. Well, Asshole Supervisor so far has:

• Asked what's wrong/pestered me
• Specifically targeted me in little comments, such as "it's getting hard to make a schedule" (no, if you have 6 employees including yourself at your disposal, it's impossible to have fucking problems making a schedule unless you're a dipshit)
• Makes me feel guilty for being ill and for not saying what's wrong*
• Has lately become much more intimidating to me*
• *you don't have to say a word to do either of these things

And yesterday, he was so nice as to say "what'd they reattach it?" when he seen the purple medical tape around my left elbow (I had gone in earlier for blood testing). Now, coming from any of the people I'm friendly with, I probably would have chuckled, because I'd have known they meant to harm by it, but coming from him? Fuck you. He's just taking a jab at me.

My brain is ill, and I will live with my mental disorders for the rest of my life, and spend my life praying to the heavens that my Bipolar II doesn't turn into Bipolar I, and this fucking asshole has decided to make my life a living hell at work. I'm being very, very serious when I say I'd rather self harm and end up back in the ER than go to work any day now. I did so about a month ago to make my head shut up, because I was flipping shit over having to go into work one day. I've been prescribed anti-anxiety meds as a temporary fix until my next psych appt, and I took them for the first time yesterday because Asshole was being, well, an asshole, and sent my anxiety overboard (so much so that I nearly vomited). Upon the effects of the meds setting in, I was completely alone for the night in my dept, and these meds have heavy sedative side effects (they use this med to knock people out for surgery), so I spent the rest of my shift struggling to even stand up straight.

FUCK YOU, SUPERVISOR. I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT.

[Spot]

Well there's your problem, your co-workers don't treat you like an equal because your mental disorders get in the way and they probably see that as a weakness. Best thing you can do is just get on with what you're doing and put the rest out of your mind. 

Edited November 13, 2015 by Mr. Fox

[Ratmomma]

Well there's your problem, your co-workers don't treat you like an equal because your mental disorders get in the way and they probably see that as a weakness. Best thing you can do is just get on with what you're doing and put the rest out of your mind. 

They have no idea I have mental disorders. All they know is that I'm sick and go to the hospital a lot.

The solution to this is pretty simple, coming from a man:

Embarrass the shit out of them. They want to make snide remarks? Have some ammunition of your own to throw back at them. It will stop, eventually.

Yes, it's truly them having the 'good ol boys' club mentality. Bust that shit up.

I'm not sure how to go about doing that though D:

[Ratmomma]

Return fire on them. "What'd they reattach it?" "Well, yea, it kinda fell off after the shock of realizing it touched you."

lolololol, he'd get so mad :'D

[Spot]

They have no idea I have mental disorders. All they know is that I'm sick and go to the hospital a lot.

I never said they did, but if your co-workers are any good at reading body language and how you interact around them they probably pick up on it. Personally I'm a legend with reading body language (studied it), I can tell what most are thinking or problems they have just by looking at them. 

Edited November 13, 2015 by Mr. Fox

[Ratmomma]

I never said they did, but if your co-workers are any good at reading body language and how you interact around them they probably pick up on it. Personally I'm a legend with reading body language (studied it), I can tell what most are thinking or problems they have just by looking at them. 

Of course you're a legend with it though, you're the Fantastic Mr.Fox!

[Spot]

Of course you're a legend with it though, you're the Fantastic Mr.Fox!

And don't you forget it!

[Ratmomma]

And don't you forget it!

NEVAR

[Brass]

OP how are people supposed to accommodate your disability when they don't even realize you have one. From their perspective you're just a maladjusted bitch. You're kinda pulling a card when you blame if on being a woman. They're a close knit of people and you're a stranger. Learn their culture. Get involved. Lighten up. Being included takes some time willingness to be flexible. If you can't or if hostilities have progressed too far you might want to work else where. 

And of course your supervisor isn't going to treat you like an equal. You are literally under him in authority. Being treated with respect and being treated as an academic or positional team equal are two different things. Earn your place and work your way to being his equal.

[Ratmomma]

OP how are people supposed to accommodate your disability when they don't even realize you have one. From their perspective you're just a maladjusted bitch. You're kinda pulling a card when you blame if on being a woman. They're a close knit of people and you're a stranger. Learn their culture. Get involved. Lighten up. Being included takes some time willingness to be flexible. If you can't or if hostilities have progressed too far you might want to work else where. 

And of course your supervisor isn't going to treat you like an equal. You are literally under him in authority. Being treated with respect and being treated as an academic or positional team equal are two different things. Earn your place and work your way to being his equal.

>___>

[Brass]

>___>

This is what I meant by "being a maladjusted bitch". Do you honestly believe that anyone would want to interact with someone who is this dismissive. You have a bad teenage attitude and you should really grow out of it.

[Ratmomma]

This is what I meant by "being a maladjusted bitch". Do you honestly believe that anyone would want to interact with someone who is this dismissive. You have a bad teenage attitude and you should really grow out of it.

You assume that I show obvious signs of a disability whilst working, when the reality is that I actually work very well with others and have done so at every single job before this one, and even on a bad day I'm particularly good at masking how shitty I actually feel so that it doesn't impact others around me, because the last thing I want at work is people poking at me about what's wrong.

But thanks for the rude comments.

[Brass]

You assume that I show obvious signs of a disability whilst working, when the reality is that I actually work very well with others and have done so at every single job before this one, and even on a bad day I'm particularly good at masking how shitty I actually feel so that it doesn't impact others around me, because the last thing I want at work is people poking at me about what's wrong.

But thanks for the rude comments.

I'm sure you do you infallible beautiful perfect special cinnamon bun ★~(◡ω◕✿). I mean it isn't like 70% of human communication is body language that we subconsciously interpret and produce. I'm sure you don't give off any waves of negatives vibes or teenage angst. If you did the people around you would ask what's wrong! You know kinda like your supervisor. People are just being rude, huh?

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

I read the title of this in a different way and now I'm disappointed

[Sourdough]

I'm sure you do you infallible beautiful perfect special cinnamon bun ★~(◡ω◕✿). I mean it isn't like 70% of human communication is body language that we subconsciously interpret and produce. I'm sure you don't give off any waves of negatives vibes or teenage angst. If you did the people around you would ask what's wrong! You know kinda like your supervisor. People are just being rude, huh?

You shouldn't be going around calling people 'cinnamon buns' lightly, it's a very serious compliment and I don't want its use cheapened.

[Brass]

You shouldn't be going around calling people 'cinnamon buns' lightly, it's a very serious compliment and I don't want its use cheapened.

Stop being so sour. 

OP it just dawned on me that you're 24. Sorry you came across as someone much younger so I over looked that detail. Take that as a compliment. It means you're not losing your youth! 

[Sourdough]

Stop being so sour. 

OP it just dawned on me that you're 24. Sorry you came across as someone much younger so I over looked that detail. Take that as a compliment. It means you're not losing your youth! 

But then I'd just be plain old dough! So mean.

[Zaraphayx]

I read the title of this in a different way and now I'm disappointed

You and me both. :[

[Ratmomma]

I'm sure you do you infallible beautiful perfect special cinnamon bun ★~(◡ω◕✿). I mean it isn't like 70% of human communication is body language that we subconsciously interpret and produce. I'm sure you don't give off any waves of negatives vibes or teenage angst. If you did the people around you would ask what's wrong! You know kinda like your supervisor. People are just being rude, huh?

Try harder, please.

I read the title of this in a different way and now I'm disappointed

We could...shoot that porno together

You and me both. :[

You can join Side and I in the porno, awwwww yeh.

[Brass]

Try harder, please.

I would but honestly you're already derailing your own thread so most of the fun in that has already been had.

[Ratmomma]

I would but honestly you're already derailing your own thread so most of the fun in that has already been had.

I never take my threads quite seriously and take more delight in the various directions it derails in. The initial post is more a branching point from some inane ramble, my bitching about something, or general wtf-ery. I quite like the silly bullshit that follows.

[Brass]

I never take my threads quite seriously and take more delight in the various directions it derails in. The initial post is more a branching point from some inane ramble, my bitching about something, or general wtf-ery. I quite like the silly bullshit that follows.

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing I saying that you haven't given me enough to work with in terms of shit posting. Saying "try harder" is like asking me to bake a cake but for some reason you've ate all the eggs dumped the flour all over yourself. 

[Ratmomma]

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing I saying that you haven't given me enough to work with in terms of shit posting. Saying "try harder" is like asking me to bake a cake but for some reason you've ate all the eggs dumped the flour all over yourself. 

But if I ate all the raw eggs, I'd have to start a vigorous workout montage to some slick 80's tunes, and I'm too lazy for that shit D: BAKE ME A CAKE FROM MAGIC, MOTHERFUCKER :U

[Troj]

That's shitty, Ratmomma.

It'd be nice if we could just show up and do our jobs, and if our colleagues could respect our privacy and let our work speak for itself. Sadly, humans are nosy, rude, and judgmental sometimes.

You're caught in the horns of a dilemma here. Generally, when people know something is wrong or "up," they fill in the blanks with their own assumptions. It sounds like your asshole boss is doing this with you.

Normally, the way to resolve this is to fill in the blanks yourself--whether by telling people whole story, or by telling them an abridged version that will satisfy and adequately inform them. 

But, since your boss sounds like an ass, you also don't want to give him additional reasons to doubt you, resent you, or treat you like an inferior. Your boss may be the sort of person who just treats "sick" people with disrespect, regardless of what the illness or problem is.

Not being there myself, I don't know, but maybe 9tails is right that you need to prove that you're "one of the boys" and that you can give and take barbs.

Otherwise, you might consider taking the matter up with your boss' boss, or your boss' boss' boss, if you think the problem's gotten bad enough.

Also, maybe some of these advice letters will give you some ideas:

http://captainawkward.com/category/disability/

http://captainawkward.com/category/work/

 

[Clove Darkwave]

(my exclusively male hoard of coworkers).

Oh my

I'm surprised no one pointed this one out yet.

It's hard to say anything without context of physical presence OP. Speaking as someone that works in management there's a lot under the surface sometimes.

[Ratmomma]

That's shitty, Ratmomma.

It'd be nice if we could just show up and do our jobs, and if our colleagues could respect our privacy and let our work speak for itself. Sadly, humans are nosy, rude, and judgmental sometimes.

You're caught in the horns of a dilemma here. Generally, when people know something is wrong or "up," they fill in the blanks with their own assumptions. It sounds like your asshole boss is doing this with you.

Normally, the way to resolve this is to fill in the blanks yourself--whether by telling people whole story, or by telling them an abridged version that will satisfy and adequately inform them. 

But, since your boss sounds like an ass, you also don't want to give him additional reasons to doubt you, resent you, or treat you like an inferior. Your boss may be the sort of person who just treats "sick" people with disrespect, regardless of what the illness or problem is.

Not being there myself, I don't know, but maybe 9tails is right that you need to prove that you're "one of the boys" and that you can give and take barbs.

Otherwise, you might consider taking the matter up with your boss' boss, or your boss' boss' boss, if you think the problem's gotten bad enough.

Also, maybe some of these advice letters will give you some ideas:

http://captainawkward.com/category/disability/

http://captainawkward.com/category/work/

 

I whip around (quite literally) more weight that those guys do on a daily basis, and tend to work twice as hard as them as well. I'm one of those people that you don't really even need to tell me what to do and where to do it..I just do it. There's days when they'll just let palettes of freight sit there for hours and won't bother even thinking about putting it away until the ass end of almost too late, so I'll put everything away myself. I mean shit, I've got a lumbar injury that flares up real bad when I have to dead lift 30lbs+ (supervisor knows I have a bad back but gives no shits; I typically dead lift a minimum of 40lbs because he doesn't know how to fucking load or stack shit properly, and will put a 50lb bag on the very top of a pile (am secretly awaiting the day his stacking ignorance injures me so I can worker's comp the fuck out of the place), and there's days when I'll move 2200lbs just off a single palette because he can't be fucking bothered to do it.

I take care of the palettes, I take care of THEIR garbage (can weigh anywhere from 30-100lbs+), I clean up the work areas, I answer the fucking calls, I straighten the product..I think I'm the man among the boys, or rather the woman among the boys, because pussies can take a pounding.

And thank you for the links <3 you darling little helper, you :3

Edited November 14, 2015 by Ratmomma

[Ratmomma]

Oh my

I'm surprised no one pointed this one out yet.

It's hard to say anything without context of physical presence OP. Speaking as someone that works in management there's a lot under the surface sometimes.

Literally the only female interaction I get is if I'm near the front of the store, or on break. I mean I don't hate my entire team...just two of them. There's 3 I don't mind, and of that 3, a single one among them is pretty fuckin' chill and shits a breeze when he's working, because at least when he's there things are actually getting done alongside me during the closing shift. I closed last night with a truck, and I swear to fucking god I may as well have been alone the entire shift.

[Wolflich]

I whip around (quite literally) more weight that those guys do on a daily basis, and tend to work twice as hard as them as well. I'm one of those people that you don't really even need to tell me what to do and where to do it..I just do it. There's days when they'll just let palettes of freight sit there for hours and won't bother even thinking about putting it away until the ass end of almost too late, so I'll put everything away myself. I mean shit, I've got a lumbar injury that flares up real bad when I have to dead lift 30lbs+ (supervisor knows I have a bad back but gives no shits; I typically dead lift a minimum of 40lbs because he doesn't know how to fucking load or stack shit properly, and will put a 50lb bag on the very top of a pile (am secretly awaiting the day his stacking ignorance injures me so I can worker's comp the fuck out of the place), and there's days when I'll most 2200lbs just off a single palette because he can't be fucking bothered to do it.

I take care of the palettes, I take care of THEIR garbage (can weigh anywhere from 30-100lbs+), I clean up the work areas, I answer the fucking calls, I straighten the product..I think I'm the man among the boys, or rather the woman among the boys, because pussies can take a pounding.

And thank you for the links <3 you darling little helper, you :3

In the time I was doing various labouring jobs, not to work while already injured was always one of those big things I was told never to do by people who had done it and regretted it. To paraphrase a quote too old to remember more precisely: your job is not worth your body. I don't actually expect this to change anything (it certainly didn't with me and now my left wrist can't handle weight and makes weird cracking noises) but I mention it in passing because you sound like you're in training to become one of those people.

[Ratmomma]

In the time I was doing various labouring jobs, not to work while already injured was always one of those big things I was told never to do by people who had done it and regretted it. To paraphrase a quote too old to remember more precisely: your job is not worth your body. I don't actually expect this to change anything (it certainly didn't with me and now my left wrist can't handle weight and makes weird cracking noises) but I mention it in passing because you sound like you're in training to become one of those people.

I think, for people like myself, it becomes more a means of surviving for another week rather than sparing our body the agony of working for another scrap from the wage toilet. I know my body is breaking more, I know my mind is completely coming apart, but I keep working anyway, because if I don't work, I can't financially support my babies (my rats...therapy animals), and my maternal instincts for them are on an equal level as if they were born from my own body so... I guess that drives me to keep going, so I can keep them healthy and happy, aka a mother's sacrifice, I suppose. They're not human, but they're my babies, none the less.

[Troj]

And here we see the tightrope millions of people around the world have to walk every day: the work they have to do every day is physically and psychologically damaging, but if they don't do it, their family will starve.

So, millions of people end up making a pact to kill themselves day by day so that their family can live.

[Ratmomma]

And here we see the tightrope millions of people around the world have to walk every day: the work they have to do every day is physically and psychologically damaging, but if they don't do it, their family will starve.

So, millions of people end up making a pact to kill themselves day by day so that their family can live.

Sounds about right.

 

[Clove Darkwave]

Literally the only female interaction I get is if I'm near the front of the store, or on break. I mean I don't hate my entire team...just two of them. There's 3 I don't mind, and of that 3, a single one among them is pretty fuckin' chill and shits a breeze when he's working, because at least when he's there things are actually getting done alongside me during the closing shift. I closed last night with a truck, and I swear to fucking god I may as well have been alone the entire shift.

I was more teasing that you said "hoard" which implies a very different meaning.

[Vallium]

i have to agree though OP, sexism in the workplace does suck. In my case its the other way around.

My job is full of females, and Ive heard at least two sexist remarks towards my male coworker. Which isnt fair because his work ethic or mistakes have no ties to his sex. While they dont treat him worse off for it, I still detected some hostility from one of my coworkers just for that. As someone who is male I felt offended for him. Im only glad that I dont even look male because apparently that might've affected how they viewed MY work...

[Ratmomma]

I was more teasing that you said "hoard" which implies a very different meaning.

Wellllllll everything that's not the front end or bakery is 99.9% men... I'm the 1% not man so... hoard D:

i have to agree though OP, sexism in the workplace does suck. In my case its the other way around.

My job is full of females, and Ive heard at least two sexist remarks towards my male coworker. Which isnt fair because his work ethic or mistakes have no ties to his sex. While they dont treat him worse off for it, I still detected some hostility from one of my coworkers just for that. As someone who is male I felt offended for him. Im only glad that I dont even look male because apparently that might've affected how they viewed MY work...

What a bunch of bitches. I mean, working with these asshat men is lame, but women, when a clique of them decide to gang up on someone, are fucking vicious. That's a whole lot of bullshit.

[Umbra.Exe]

Wellllllll everything that's not the front end or bakery is 99.9% men... I'm the 1% not man so... hoard D:

I think the word you might be thinking of is "horde," not "hoard"... ^^;

[Hewge]

I think the word you might be thinking of is "horde," not "hoard"... ^^;

Did someone say... FOR THE HORDE?!

Edited November 15, 2015 by Hewge

[Phausk]

I think the word you might be thinking of is "horde," not "hoard"... ^^;

[Ratmomma]

I think the word you might be thinking of is "horde," not "hoard"... ^^;

OHSHIT MY ENGLISH

slap me, grammar senpai

[Alexxx-Returns]

I had a similar sort of coworker situation when I had my first retail job. It was kinda difficult because I didn't want to feel like it was my coworker making me feel like shit, I blamed myself for being new I guess. They weren't a superior though but they sure acted like one to me. It was kinda shit that they would laugh and joke with everyone else, and then they'd talk to me like a rainy day. And they creeped me the fuck out too.

I used to get so stressed just being around them every week I'd go home from work and just cry. I dreaded going in. And in all honesty, they were the sole reason I left the job after ~2 months, but you can't put that on your resume so I just had an unexplained employment gap. Leaving a job after 2 months doesn't look good on the resume.

At least now that it's all over I rarely think about it. I've had great coworkers since then so  just think you get unlucky sometimes. It really sucked though because when I did that job I just liked to get stuck into the work but they took ALL the work and told me to "just go tidy". That is, go tidy an already perfectly clean and tidy department for 9 hours. Having to pretend to be busy for 9 hours was the most stressful thing I ever did, I think. >.<

[Ratmomma]

I had a similar sort of coworker situation when I had my first retail job. It was kinda difficult because I didn't want to feel like it was my coworker making me feel like shit, I blamed myself for being new I guess. They weren't a superior though but they sure acted like one to me. It was kinda shit that they would laugh and joke with everyone else, and then they'd talk to me like a rainy day. And they creeped me the fuck out too.

I used to get so stressed just being around them every week I'd go home from work and just cry. I dreaded going in. And in all honesty, they were the sole reason I left the job after ~2 months, but you can't put that on your resume so I just had an unexplained employment gap. Leaving a job after 2 months doesn't look good on the resume.

At least now that it's all over I rarely think about it. I've had great coworkers since then so  just think you get unlucky sometimes. It really sucked though because when I did that job I just liked to get stuck into the work but they took ALL the work and told me to "just go tidy". That is, go tidy an already perfectly clean and tidy department for 9 hours. Having to pretend to be busy for 9 hours was the most stressful thing I ever did, I think. >.<

That sounds extremely similar to how I feel right now, and I'm sorry you've had to deal with the same bullshit as well.

As far as listing a shit job like that... I literally just don't even bother putting them on my resume. I had a job before this that was even WORSE with how I was treated, only I wasn't alone in the mistreatment. They violated many OSHA rules, and I got sick and physically injured more times on that job than I had in 6yrs of retail work before that. They were pretty damn desperate to keep me there when I said I was quitting, but that's because they're desperate to keep people there (the place has a very high rate of people quitting within a month of starting). When asked about the gap I just say "the last job I had violated many OSHA rules and isn't worth mentioning in the short time I was there."