Rant/Rave: Redundant romance questions and School

[Augmented Husky]

Alright this is going to take a little bravery on my part so bare with me if the composition on this one is unrefined. 

Anywhose with that out of the way this is the thing that's only bugging me more and more as College approaches for me: A lot of people I know are starting to ask about if I've had

a girl friend or if I have one now.

At first that just looks like a more ordinary question but you see the problem with it is it's really getting old ,quite frankly redundant ,and as you'll see a somewhat difficult thing to answer

Now to give some background I'm at a private high school right now for my Senior year but I've only been to this school for one year.  Before that it was a smaller private school I hated due to all the unnecessary bullying in it then it was Florida virtual for 1 1/2 years then a Community College for half a year. So having to leave and then meet new people was challenging to say the least especially in such a short amount of time however I have a wonderful a mom and dad who are both very supportive plus I still kept in touch with a few friends from my middle school days. 

To top it all off the Academy I'm at now is by far the best in Orlando and I've meet a lot of sincere and truly good friends there 

Problem is a lot of the students ask if I've had a girlfriend now or at all to which I have to honestly answer I haven't...

I'm not at all embarrassed about it personally but when I do people sometimes pity me even sometimes saying something to the effect of "You need to find a girl"....but I honestly don't feel like that's what I'd really want now or even into college for that matter.

There's next to never a time I've felt that "Head over heels" truly in love feeling so many other teens talk about.

Eh........maybe I just haven't meet someone quite that special....or romance isn't something I would really want in the end. Who know's ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Well yeah, only I can know for sure but I'll be soul searching until the answer shows up 

 

 

Thoughts ?

[Vallium]

Romance is overrated anyways, bro.

 

Well I mean...not in the sense that its not important and/or great to have. But society deems it waaay to important and even necessary to have a happy and healthy life.

There are so many other kinds of relationships to build with people and yet the word 'relationship' most often springs up romantic ones.

 

I dunno, I like romantic relationships, but just live and let live. Seems like youre doing fine and it doesnt really matter what assumptions other people make

 

Maybe they'll assume youre gay :v

[DrGravitas]

Just be sure that's what you really want. The older you get, the harder it gets to meet new people and form deeper relationships, friendships or otherwise. I never took the time to try to find a girlfriend and I think I'm starting to regret it. College is a time to experiment and try new things. Don't get too caught up in doing what you WANT to do that you miss out on what you CAN do. This isn't the sort of thing that will just happen and it won't be easy; if you want to explore that avenue then you have to put the effort in. If not, then that's fine too but know that you may not always feel the same way.

[Strongbob]

If you want to spend a ton of time and money on a relationship that will likely end with little to show for it then yes, give in to the peer pressure and find a girl or whatever.   Otherwise just keep your eyes open and if you meet someone great, you don't need to hunt for it.  Good friends are more important in college than romance.    

[willow]

eh, actively trying to pursue relationships like it's some sort of goal usually leads to rushing into relationships too soon which in turn leads to heartbreak. it's better to just form relationships with people naturally and see where it goes

I also say that because then you don't really lose focus on the real important stuff besides, girls are icky :v

[#00Buck]

Do what you like and what you enjoy.

If you feel like dating then do it. If you don't then don't do it. 

So what if you're not in a relationship?

You can answer the question any way you like or you can simply refuse to answer the question.

Your love life isn't anyone else's business anyways. 

Just be you whatever that is. 

[Endless/Nameless]

As far as the people themselves, I'm not sure what you can do about it, other than try to be understanding and put yourself in their shoes—you know they're not trying to be dicks. 

As far as the girlfriend sitch itself, don't let it get you. It's better to just let things occur naturally, than to push yourself into something that you might not even want and potentially messing up your life (and possibly someone else's!). You're not doing anything wrong or unwise; you're actually avoiding trouble, really.

And it's not like you're "the only one"; not everyone has or needs a relationship at a young age. Look at me, I'm in my 20's and have never been on a date. I'm not "asexual" or some shit, I just haven't met anyone [that didn't hate me]. Would I like to? Yes. Am I a loser because I haven't? Well, that depends on who you ask... But if someone were to answer yes, I doubt they're the people I'd want giving me life advice. Consider the source. 

[Kinare]

I definitely feel you there. I used to get that all the time, but opposite gender cuz am female that is not lesbian. And because I'm me I felt really bad about it and still do. Worse yet, I actually want that sort of thing, but the only person IRL that has ever wanted me made it clear that he only wanted me for sex and constantly pestered me about it... Ick. All of my relationships have been long distance online-only types that (when looking back) weren't really serious, though I learned a lot from them. I haven't had any of the normal experiences people my age have, which makes it even worse. I'm nearly 30 now too. It fucking sucks to be constantly reminded of it, as though I didn't already know it's sad and pathetic. Gonna die alone, that's just how it is.

All I can say is to tell those people straight up that you don't care to find a mate right now and you will when you're ready. When I tell people that it usually shuts them up, even though under the surface I'm lying my ass off. I have sorta stopped trying the last few years just because one burn scared me pretty bad, but for the most part it's still something I actively wish for, so telling people "I'll look when I'm ready" isn't really accurate.

Whatever you do, definitely don't force it out of desperation. Healthy relationships that won't hurt you more don't start out that way.

[DrDingo]

I'm like this.

See, I'm off to university at the end of the school year and I don't want a relationship to fuck up my grades.

Honestly, if people ask you so often, it's a good sign. Because it means you're attractive enough that people are surprised you're with nobody.

[Photoshop Amateur]

Just something you'll have to live with mate. People ask me if I have one and I tell them no because I have no interest in dating. They accept it and move on

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

I'm surprised that I don't get asked by my mom a lot. However, kids at school ask me more than she does. It gets pretty annoying.

[#00Buck]

3 hours ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I'm surprised that I don't get asked by my mom a lot. However, kids at school ask me more than she does. It gets pretty annoying.

Please don't burn down your school okay? 

I know I sound like your mom.

Sorry. 

[Clove Darkwave]

People who are 20 and married are usually too early.

People who are 40 and single are usually too late.

You've got plenty of time, OP.

[Vallium]

5 hours ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I'm surprised that I don't get asked by my mom a lot. However, kids at school ask me more than she does. It gets pretty annoying.

Question, how do you even deal with buck?

9 hours ago, Photoshop Amateur said:

Just something you'll have to live with mate. People ask me if I have one and I tell them no because I have no interest in dating. They accept it and move on

This actually sounds pretty straightforward, why not just tell them that instead of just saying 'no' @OP

They might still bug you about not having met the right person or that you might change someday but of course its something you already know

[Augmented Husky]

On 5/2/2016 at 11:15 PM, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Romance is overrated anyways, bro.

 

Well I mean...not in the sense that its not important and/or great to have. But society deems it waaay to important and even necessary to have a happy and healthy life.

There are so many other kinds of relationships to build with people and yet the word 'relationship' most often springs up romantic ones.

 

I dunno, I like romantic relationships, but just live and let live. Seems like youre doing fine and it doesnt really matter what assumptions other people make

 

Maybe they'll assume youre gay :v

Oh man all the yes on feeling the same way. I honestly couldn't have summed up my feelings on exaggerated romance in society and entertainment any better.

Don't worry even in middle school I've had two classmates ask if I'm gay

On 5/2/2016 at 11:30 PM, DrGravitas said:

Just be sure that's what you really want. The older you get, the harder it gets to meet new people and form deeper relationships, friendships or otherwise. I never took the time to try to find a girlfriend and I think I'm starting to regret it. College is a time to experiment and try new things. Don't get too caught up in doing what you WANT to do that you miss out on what you CAN do. This isn't the sort of thing that will just happen and it won't be easy; if you want to explore that avenue then you have to put the effort in. If not, then that's fine too but know that you may not always feel the same way.

That's a excellent thing to consider in the long term. If I stuck to what I always wanted I'd have nowhere near as many good experiences as now. A balance sounds best for this. I suppose each side of single vs in-a-relationship has something to like about the other seeing as happiness is hardly a constant act on its own. 

On 5/2/2016 at 11:44 PM, Strongbob said:

If you want to spend a ton of time and money on a relationship that will likely end with little to show for it then yes, give in to the peer pressure and find a girl or whatever.   Otherwise just keep your eyes open and if you meet someone great, you don't need to hunt for it.  Good friends are more important in college than romance.    

Absolutely true  

On 5/2/2016 at 11:57 PM, willow said:

eh, actively trying to pursue relationships like it's some sort of goal usually leads to rushing into relationships too soon which in turn leads to heartbreak. it's better to just form relationships with people naturally and see where it goes

I also say that because then you don't really lose focus on the real important stuff besides, girls are icky :v

Definitely, I've seen friends change girlfriends here and then which only leads me to think about just how good or rather not good of an idea it would be to start now.

I have a younger sister so I most definitely know girls can be gross to

On 5/2/2016 at 1:23 AM, #00Buck said:

Do what you like and what you enjoy.

If you feel like dating then do it. If you don't then don't do it. 

So what if you're not in a relationship?

You can answer the question any way you like or you can simply refuse to answer the question.

Your love life isn't anyone else's business anyways. 

Just be you whatever that is. 

I always laugh and feel grateful for your to the point words Buck

On 5/2/2016 at 2:39 AM, Endless/Nameless said:

As far as the people themselves, I'm not sure what you can do about it, other than try to be understanding and put yourself in their shoes—you know they're not trying to be dicks. 

As far as the girlfriend sitch itself, don't let it get you. It's better to just let things occur naturally, than to push yourself into something that you might not even want and potentially messing up your life (and possibly someone else's!). You're not doing anything wrong or unwise; you're actually avoiding trouble, really.

And it's not like you're "the only one"; not everyone has or needs a relationship at a young age. Look at me, I'm in my 20's and have never been on a date. I'm not "asexual" or some shit, I just haven't met anyone [that didn't hate me]. Would I like to? Yes. Am I a loser because I haven't? Well, that depends on who you ask... But if someone were to answer yes, I doubt they're the people I'd want giving me life advice. Consider the source. 

Yes the question is a small compliment after all since that would suggest to a degree that they expect me to have had one.

The whole asexual title looks somewhat appealing in theory ,but in time that could change plus even if I'm asexual that's not the same thing as being aromantic.

I'll most definitely have to pick and choose who to get the best advice from. Hey would you look at that. You guys are a big help already

On 5/2/2016 at 3:00 AM, Kinare said:

I definitely feel you there. I used to get that all the time, but opposite gender cuz am female that is not lesbian. And because I'm me I felt really bad about it and still do. Worse yet, I actually want that sort of thing, but the only person IRL that has ever wanted me made it clear that he only wanted me for sex and constantly pestered me about it... Ick. All of my relationships have been long distance online-only types that (when looking back) weren't really serious, though I learned a lot from them. I haven't had any of the normal experiences people my age have, which makes it even worse. I'm nearly 30 now too. It fucking sucks to be constantly reminded of it, as though I didn't already know it's sad and pathetic. Gonna die alone, that's just how it is.

All I can say is to tell those people straight up that you don't care to find a mate right now and you will when you're ready. When I tell people that it usually shuts them up, even though under the surface I'm lying my ass off. I have sorta stopped trying the last few years just because one burn scared me pretty bad, but for the most part it's still something I actively wish for, so telling people "I'll look when I'm ready" isn't really accurate.

Whatever you do, definitely don't force it out of desperation. Healthy relationships that won't hurt you more don't start out that way.

That's just it. Dieing alone is not truly dieing alone since the metaphor only applies to not having a mate by the time you die. When in fact if I died with the best of friends that would be a death in the company of those who cared for me so in reality rather I will have ended my life with a full heart

It sounds a little childish but that's my philosophy for you

On 5/2/2016 at 10:27 AM, DrDingo said:

See, I'm off to university at the end of the school year and I don't want a relationship to fuck up my grades.

 

That a perfectly legitimate reason not to. Better well of and with friends than in a marriage with the strife of financial insecurity.

On 5/2/2016 at 10:51 AM, Photoshop Amateur said:

Just something you'll have to live with mate. People ask me if I have one and I tell them no because I have no interest in dating. They accept it and move on

Yeah the answer is simple enough to give. It's well......you know......keeping up the best image after it's told

On 5/2/2016 at 2:25 PM, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I'm surprised that I don't get asked by my mom a lot. However, kids at school ask me more than she does. It gets pretty annoying.

My mom goes so far as to tease me with who she thinks is best for me or with girls who supposedly she thinks are attracted to me >.<

21 hours ago, Clove Darkwave said:

People who are 20 and married are usually too early.

People who are 40 and single are usually too late.

You've got plenty of time, OP.

Very true

20 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Question, how do you even deal with buck?

This actually sounds pretty straightforward, why not just tell them that instead of just saying 'no' @OP

They might still bug you about not having met the right person or that you might change someday but of course its something you already know

It's a blunt but truthful answer so I may go with that one. Maybe I don't say that because when I said that in middle school some thought that was a pit stop on the road to being gay  but of course the situation is way different now so I'll give it a shot

 

[Augmented Husky]

By the way thank you all so kindly for taking the time to give thoughtful responses filled with great advice. It really means alot to me

[Photoshop Amateur]

22 hours ago, Clove Darkwave said:

People who are 20 and married are usually too early.

People who are 40 and single are usually too late.

You've got plenty of time, OP.

Why on earth would anyone want to marry or have kids before they're 35? That's just begging to have a shit life

[Vallium]

10 minutes ago, Photoshop Amateur said:

Why on earth would anyone want to marry or have kids before they're 35? That's just begging to have a shit life

Married without kids after 20-25 isnt that bad, its a lot easier for people who are independant to support each other

...rather than having kids who are tons of extra work before 35. I guess some people just want that experience of being a young parent but still seems inneficient to md

[Kinharia]

I spent 2-3 years trying to get a girlfriend and it ended up making me miserable because I failed. Then I stopped bothering to look for love and love found me then. Morale of the story is don't bother looking as love will get you when you least expect it.

[Photoshop Amateur]

2 minutes ago, Kinharia said:

I spent 2-3 years trying to get a girlfriend and it ended up making me miserable because I failed. Then I stopped bothering to look for love and love found me then. Morale of the story is don't bother looking as love will get you when you least expect it.

Gotta say I admire people who can last longer than a couple of weeks. I've tried dating in the past but they all ended with me losing interest a week in

[Vae]

People who put emphasis on forming romantic relationships in highschool (or before) generally have no concept of priorities or investing in relationships meant to last.
They're just hung up on the romanticized (lol) concept of teenage dating in like movies and shit.
Which is fine for them, if that's what you're into. But not everyone is mentally built that way.

Personally, I value quality over quantity.

I've been in all of three relationships since I first started dating when I was 18 or 19.
I didn't date in highschool, in general, because the people there simply weren't to my interest.

[Xaende]

It may seem like everybody is dating and that they have this relationship thing figured out, but they don't. They may even offer advice that pushes you in one direction or the other. "Change this, do that, follow this formula and you'll find love etc.". Their words may sound convincing, but they can only speak for themselves. However well meaning they may be, you should decide for yourself. Romantic relationships are a personal thing. Let them happen on your terms, with people that you naturally click with. You'll know when you meet someone special. Until then, I'd focus on other things.

[#00Buck]

2 hours ago, Photoshop Amateur said:

Why on earth would anyone want to marry or have kids before they're 35? That's just begging to have a shit life

Your best child rearing years are when you are young and have the capacity to become pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term and the energy to care for it. 

Fertility rapidly declines after thirty. Even in your late twenties the chance of a miscarriage greatly increases. 

If you want to have kids and you wait until after 35 then you might have a shit life of regret that you waited too long and will never have children. 

 

[Clove Darkwave]

3 hours ago, Photoshop Amateur said:

Why on earth would anyone want to marry or have kids before they're 35? That's just begging to have a shit life

Good question. Why on Earth would anyone want to have kids when the mortality rate for the birthing mother is so high? Same reason.

[#00Buck]

The mortality rate for all humans is 100%. 

[Strongbob]

1 hour ago, Clove Darkwave said:

Good question. Why on Earth would anyone want to have kids when the mortality rate for the birthing mother is so high? Same reason.

35 is too young to have kids and 36 is too old, so plan accordingly everyone.  

[#00Buck]

5 hours ago, Augmented Husky said:

I always laugh and feel grateful for your to the point words Buck

Aww...

Don't like me too much. 

I'll lose my status as most un-popufur on the forum. 

[Hocus Pocus]

I didn't have romantic relationships throughout high school. I don't see the big deal about having a SO while in your teens. Don't let others pleasure you, because you may end up with something awful. Better to be alone and happy then with someone cray cray.

[Kinare]

7 hours ago, Augmented Husky said:

That's just it. Dieing alone is not truly dieing alone since the metaphor only applies to not having a mate by the time you die. When in fact if I died with the best of friends that would be a death in the company of those who cared for me so in reality rather I will have ended my life with a full heart

It sounds a little childish but that's my philosophy for you

Doesn't sound childish at all, rather it sounds mature and a healthy way to think. And that would be fine and all, but not everyone has friends IRL, so yeah... But I'm glad you have friends who will be there for you. ^^ (Sorry for kinda hijacking your thread there with this, I just get carried away sometimes when it comes to these topics that really depress me. I need to just avoid them altogether, but it's quite hard.)