Social Anxiety and the workplace

[Vallium]

Can anybody explain to me how its possible to make a living without everyone being uncomfortable around you because youre uncomfortable around them? People dont like people who dont talk to people, you just come off as a mass shooter

 

Problem is, 90.98373% of jobs require you not to be a hermit and interact around you. Its really a matter of survival in society to be able to excel at small talk and be less boring. You're less likely to get hired and stay hired if you cant do that. In fact, extroverts are so dang lucky they have that natural ability going for them, because people who appear like serial killers because they arent socially affable are kind of fucked.

Can people naturally change themselves and force themselves to be less of a closet case and more likeable? Or are they permadoomed because you cant inherently change who you are, not easily anyways.

[Hewge]

Talking and interacting with others is a skill of its own, one many take for granted. And as with all skills, you just need to keep doing it to get better at it.

So - no. You're not doomed. You silly thing, you...

[Pignog]

nah you just pick it up over time. It's fine if you're quiet too, the important thing is that you're not creepy. I hate small talk at work tbh, I'd rather focus on getting my tasks done instead of standing around.

[Osrik]

Small talk and social niceties are more learned skills than natural abilities, being introverted just makes it slightly more difficult to pick them up.

It is mostly a matter of practice, I find it can help to keep in mind a few mundane/current topics that can be brought up if I find myself in a situation where I am expected to be sociable or if I encounter an awkward silence.

[SkyboundTerror]

I suffered from social anxiety myself (nervous shakes from the thought of someone looking at me; staying indoors and only going out when a sibling accompanied me; cold sweats when someone made eye contact; all the fun shit). It was thanks to my first job at a restaurant that I improved. I was a guest server and I had to talk to new people every hour for eight hours, five days a week. It was a baptism of fire - making eye contact with new faces, small talk and conversation, engaging others - all things I wasn't good at and I'd get overwhelmed to the point where I'd hide away in the supply closet for five minutes just to chill and get a grip.

Things got better as time went on, and it wasn't so hard talking to people as it was when I first started. The job I had after the restaurant closed down tested me even further by making me go into people's homes and be a face for the company. I enjoy talking to people now, and while I'm quiet by nature, I often look back at how I used to be and think... damn, what a child. I'll still have my moments of weakness from time to time, but at the very least I can function now.

My advice - bite the bullet; shut up, stop moping, and do the work.

You will have to talk to people whether you like it or not. Accept that. No ideas of "I don't want to talk to others" will get you anywhere lest you fall behind or find a job working alone. You'll never improve if you don't try to change. Secondly, focusing on the work itself helps to make you forget that you're a social wreck with no hope. Once you get that down, it's a slow and painful steady road towards improvement!

[Endless/Nameless]

I don't speak unless I have to at work. Since I work housekeeping, thats pretty easy.

But thankfully, I have pretty good instinctual reflexes when I am taken off guard by a customer

So unless I don't have an answer, I instantly morph from broody edgelord to a smooth-talking used-car salesman.

[#00Buck]

1 hour ago, Pignog said:

nah you just pick it up over time. It's fine if you're quiet too, the important thing is that you're not creepy. I hate small talk at work tbh, I'd rather focus on getting my tasks done instead of standing around.

Bah! 

What kind of Canadian are you?

How dare you go to work and not act in a true Canadian way!?!

There is only one way to cope with the working world and that is with lots and lots of sugar and alcohol. 

Watch this instructional video so you too can be a normal working Canadian. 

 

[Jtrekkie]

I have found that the easiest way to get around is to smile when you talk to people, make eye contact sometimes but don't stare and be still, and when you don't know how to talk to someone make a little comment and be busy (but don't divert all of your attention from them). It's OK to point out something really obvious to make the conversation go, and sometimes emulating body language can be enough to get the other person to do all the work with conversation and make it seem like you're better at expression than you really are.

Though sometimes I still have to tell myself that I really do want to talk to this person.

[Frig]

You'll pick it up, don't worry..You'll never be a Kami (one of my co-workers). Just don't go stealing other co-workers lunches and being sent home early from vomiting on the workplace floor and admitting out loud in front of customers that you threw up everywhere from eating other co-workers lunches too fast so you don't get caught doing so and you'll be golden.

[Therapy Sergal]

You could work nightshifts and avoid human company.

[LucidLynx]

5 hours ago, Endless/Nameless said:

I don't speak unless I have to at work.

I do the same thing really. I don't speak unless I'm answering a question or acknowledging a statement. Sometimes I'll throw out an occasional greeting to a customer if I'm in a good mood, but that's about it. 

[Feelwell]

Hey, its something people pick up. Some are born with it, some aren't. But humans are by nature social creatures, and everyone, I mean everyone, can be social. 

Just try and get used to it. Practice, say hello to someone once in a while, then work your way up to a few passing words or something. You don't have to jump straight into full fledged debates or something. Start small.

[Gamedog]

I was diagnosed with SAnD and I no longer feel terror while around other people

i can and do strike up convos with strangers

 

its something you can overcome with a lot of work

[Luka]

One day I thought

Hey, I gotta to be less anxious if I want to work where I'd like

So I got over it

[Enigma]

I won't seek people, if I have a choice I'll hang out alone or with people I already know. I just keep things casual when people come up to me. Just because I'm slightly anti-social doesn't mean I don't know how to talk to people or related to them.

You just need to find that connection, that common interest or ideology. It makes things so much easier after you do. 

Sadly it's not something that can be taught. It's more a matter of bravery and confidence. Believe in yourself.

[Frig]

5 hours ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Hey, its something people pick up. Some are born with it, some aren't. But humans are by nature social creatures, and everyone, I mean everyone, can be social. 

Just try and get used to it. Practice, say hello to someone once in a while, then work your way up to a few passing words or something. You don't have to jump straight into full fledged debates or something. Start small.

See, I personally think you should just run up to someone as fast as you can and engage in hot and controversial debates ASAP, before even saying hello.

[Mapa]

For some reason I tend to feel extremely anxious before any sort of social event, only to feel perfectly comfortable when the time actually comes around.

My advice would be to try your hardest to get comfortable with these people. If you have friends that really bring you out of your shell when you're around them, take a look at how you act in those situations and try to apply that with your coworkers (with discretion, of course). And of course, like everyone else said, it will get better with practice. This has helped me get on better with people I'm uncomfortable around for no particular reason.

Also, don't overthink it. That will only ever lead to more problems for you.

[#00Buck]

1 hour ago, Frig said:

See, I personally think you should just run up to someone as fast as you can and engage in hot and controversial debates ASAP, before even saying hello.

I go to other countries just to ask people if they're gay. 

ThatS NorMall Right????????

[Frig]

42 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

I go to other countries just to ask people if they're gay. 

ThatS NorMall Right????????

Its only normal if I'm the one your asking <3_____<3

Buck sucha hunk. :33333

[Ricky]

9 hours ago, Frig said:

See, I personally think you should just run up to someone as fast as you can and engage in hot and controversial debates ASAP, before even saying hello.

This is honestly what I do most of the time. I wouldn't recommend it for most people.

[Vallium]

But what if I get fired because myself is a weird idiot?

[Zaraphayx]

If you can manage the barest traces of social competence you'll be fine.

Most normies are polite enough to not confront you about idiosyncratic social behaviors to your face especially if they're afraid of your reaction.

The hardest social exercise in employment is getting through the interview itself without coming across as sketchy and dishonest and this is something you will have to do do no matter what unless you decide on self-employment.

Getting fired is way harder than people think it is because interviewing and training new hires takes time and money and they are always an uncertainty. If you do your job to at least mediocre standards and don't make things difficult for your co-workers/boss no one is going to care if you're a quiet nerd.

Trust me I'm a recluse.

[LazerMaster5]

Just try to be friendly and everything should work out.

[PastryOfApathy]

1 hour ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

But what if I get fired because myself is a weird idiot?

Most average jobs don't fire you for being a "weird idiot" unless it directly interferes with your job.

Unless you're some sort of mega-autist who doesn't stop harassing customers over their opinions of the new Ghostbuster's movie or something you'll be fine.

[Xaende]

8+ years at the same job, and I still deal with this every day. Gotta pay the bills. Which isn't to say that other aspects of my job aren't enjoyable. I like working around bright people on interesting technology, for instance. That helps me retain some semblance of sanity. I also doubt I'd fare much better elsewhere at this time in my life, which is why I stay. At least I don't have to travel, do sales, depend on another person's tastes, or bounce from contract to contract. The stability enables me to support my hobbies, which are better aligned to my true nature. It's a pretty sweet deal when I look at it that way.

Not that I dislike the people I work with. I like most of them, but few realize just how introverted I am. By the time the weekend rolls around, I'm so exhausted from the social aspects that I basically become a hermit over the weekend. Just to recharge. I'm fundamentally a geeky quiet type. Unfortunately, those traits are undervalued by our culture. Sometimes, I fantasize about living in an Asian culture where people with my traits are supposedly more respected. Alas, the always greener. Living in another culture would likely come with its own set of problems.

Sorry for rambling.

So yeah, you might have to fake it every day, but it beats the alternative. Over time, try to find jobs that you like in other ways. It can be hard at times, especially when you're first starting out, but there's a reason why work is called "work". If it helps, try to remember that you're not alone. Lots of people put on an act just to pay the bills. Some of the same people whose opinions you're worried about are dealing with similar issues.

 

[Vallium]

3 hours ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Most average jobs don't fire you for being a "weird idiot" unless it directly interferes with your job.

Unless you're some sort of mega-autist who doesn't stop harassing customers over their opinions of the new Ghostbuster's movie or something you'll be fine.

But my coworker does that with Star Wars and yet is somehow a likeable autist

I dont understand all the things

[Ricky]

4 hours ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Most average jobs don't fire you for being a "weird idiot" unless it directly interferes with your job.

Unless you're some sort of mega-autist who doesn't stop harassing customers over their opinions of the new Ghostbuster's movie or something you'll be fine.

IT'S NOTHING WITHOUT BILL MURRAY D:

Wait, there's a new one? Really? x3

4 hours ago, PastryOfApathy said:

Most average jobs don't fire you for being a "weird idiot" unless it directly interferes with your job.

Unless you're some sort of mega-autist who doesn't stop harassing customers over their opinions of the new Ghostbuster's movie or something you'll be fine.

IT'S NOTHING WITHOUT BILL MURRAY D:

Wait, there's a new one? Really? x3

[PastryOfApathy]

22 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

But my coworker does that with Star Wars and yet is somehow a likeable autist

I dont understand all the things

Don't act like a retard and you'll be fine fam.

[Alexxx-Returns]

On July 15, 2016 at 7:41 PM, SkyboundTerror said:

I suffered from social anxiety myself (nervous shakes from the thought of someone looking at me; staying indoors and only going out when a sibling accompanied me; cold sweats when someone made eye contact; all the fun shit). It was thanks to my first job at a restaurant that I improved. I was a guest server and I had to talk to new people every hour for eight hours, five days a week. It was a baptism of fire - making eye contact with new faces, small talk and conversation, engaging others - all things I wasn't good at and I'd get overwhelmed to the point where I'd hide away in the supply closet for five minutes just to chill and get a grip.

Things got better as time went on, and it wasn't so hard talking to people as it was when I first started. The job I had after the restaurant closed down tested me even further by making me go into people's homes and be a face for the company. I enjoy talking to people now, and while I'm quiet by nature, I often look back at how I used to be and think... damn, what a child. I'll still have my moments of weakness from time to time, but at the very least I can function now.

My advice - bite the bullet; shut up, stop moping, and do the work.

You will have to talk to people whether you like it or not. Accept that. No ideas of "I don't want to talk to others" will get you anywhere lest you fall behind or find a job working alone. You'll never improve if you don't try to change. Secondly, focusing on the work itself helps to make you forget that you're a social wreck with no hope. Once you get that down, it's a slow and painful steady road towards improvement!

My last job really challenged my anxiety problems because it put me in social situations which I feared that I would lose my job if something went wrong (I worked as a HCA so something going wrong could be like, someone dying). I had to talk to people who needed stuff I couldn't give them, people who were always angry/going to make a formal complaint once they were discharged, people with dementia who were terrified and needed reassurance I couldn't give them/verbal disarming somehow because they thought they were in an institution about to be murdered, etc, and I feel like it made my problems worse.

I would feel so stressed from this job and all the difficult social situations I'd been put in, that I'd "take a break" from getting better. I'd say "I've had my anxiety for the week, I'm NOT putting myself in THAT difficult situation over there" on my down time. So I would just stop interacting with people at all outside of work and make my parents do things like go up to the counter and ask where the bathroom is in that store.

I don't think it ever does get better. I can't even order a pizza without getting terrified of the eventual pizza exchange. No matter how many times I do it, no matter that 100% of pizza exchanges have been without incident, it never gets better.

[SkyboundTerror]

4 hours ago, Alexxx-Returns said:

My last job really challenged my anxiety problems because it put me in social situations which I feared that I would lose my job if something went wrong (I worked as a HCA so something going wrong could be like, someone dying). I had to talk to people who needed stuff I couldn't give them, people who were always angry/going to make a formal complaint once they were discharged, people with dementia who were terrified and needed reassurance I couldn't give them/verbal disarming somehow because they thought they were in an institution about to be murdered, etc, and I feel like it made my problems worse.

I would feel so stressed from this job and all the difficult social situations I'd been put in, that I'd "take a break" from getting better. I'd say "I've had my anxiety for the week, I'm NOT putting myself in THAT difficult situation over there" on my down time. So I would just stop interacting with people at all outside of work and make my parents do things like go up to the counter and ask where the bathroom is in that store.

I don't think it ever does get better. I can't even order a pizza without getting terrified of the eventual pizza exchange. No matter how many times I do it, no matter that 100% of pizza exchanges have been without incident, it never gets better.

I still have anxiety with simple things like crossing the street at a stop sign (I fear moments when everyone stops and waits for me to cross, because I know they'll be looking at me), having a 1-on-1 conversation with a person the same age as me or more knowledgeable, and running into someone I knew from school in public. I also relate with the bathroom situation. They're really stupid, specific settings that fuck over my pride and belief that I can be fearless. I, too, take "breaks" from the world. I'm most comfortable in my room, away from social interaction.

It is wise to avoid things that make you uncomfortable, but some can't be avoided, like work and talking to others. What you need is someone to support you through it, someone who cares and is willing to be there and listen when you have your moments of weakness. My sister is that person and she is always there for me, ready to tag along if I need to go to the doctor, the grocery store, or any place outside, because she knows I wouldn't do it alone the majority of the time.

Find that person, and appreciate every moment they give you. It can get better and it does get better, but it'll never truly go away.