Alexxx-Returns Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 So it's no secret that I hate myself a lot, for the reasons that I do. And the reason I stay away from people that I care about is because I imagine that they hate me for the same reasons. And since everyone around me kept telling me "no one hates you, it's all in your head", I still had the same theory that people hated me for the reasons that I hate myself. It was only recently I actually considered that people might hate me for different reasons than mine, things I didn't know I was doing. I was fully aware that my flatmate hated my guts, I've known this for a long time, but it was only last night that he actually told me that he hated me. And you know what, that was still kind of shocking to hear, and the reason for that is because I spent the whole year trying to minimise the interaction that I had with him (and everyone else I live with, because I know he isn't the only one who feels this way) so that he didn't have to hate me. I tried to make things better, I stayed in my room the whole year (except when I needed a shower or to get food or drink from the kitchen) so this could be a good environment for him, and everyone else. So that's why I was upset to find out that my efforts to make things better hadn't worked. And that's when I thought that maybe there was something I was doing, or something about me, that was a problem, that I didn't know was a problem. But I don't have the self-awareness to know what it is. All I know is that there IS a problem. And even if I knew why people hate me, how could I possibly change my personality? That's my life dream, right there. But I don't know how changes can be made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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