Relationships (Closed or Open)

[Vae]

2 hours ago, Ricky said:

For a debate, sure. Relationships are a bit different. Do I think physical contact is superfluous in a relationship? Of course not. I think it's necessary. That doesn't mean two people can't be in a LDR and keep it together if they like each other enough to make it work, but a relationship lacking physical contact is not the same thing thing as one that's not, and saying otherwise is either being naive or in denial.

There are significant measurable responses couples have with physical contact. Not having that is lacking something, ergo not the same thing.

Physical contact is not requisite. Personally, I can deal with or without, as I'm not the kind of person who likes physical contact in general.

One standard does not fit all people, just because these are your own experiences and expectations in a relationship.

[Frozen Glacier]

4 minutes ago, Vae said:

Physical contact is not requisite. Personally, I can deal with or without, as I'm not the kind of person who likes physical contact in general.

One standard does not fit all people, just because these are your own experiences and expectations in a relationship.

I can go without a physical relationship for a while, I have, at least for almost a year. However, I tend to go stir crazy if I don't have someone to be near. Just like I am right now!

[Vae]

2 minutes ago, Frozen Glacier said:

I can go without a physical relationship for a while, I have, at least for almost a year. However, I tend to go stir crazy if I don't have someone to be near. Just like I am right now!

I was in my LDR for a year, and the lack of physical contact meant nothing to me.

[Frozen Glacier]

1 minute ago, Vae said:

I was in my LDR for a year, and the lack of physical contact meant nothing to me.

Well we've been going on since last February, and he's getting cold paws all of a sudden. I'm worried about our relationship now.....

[FenrirDarkWolf]

I think the amount of physical contact really just depends on the people in the relationship.

Me personally, I can go for a long time without it any sort of sexual act, but I get a little crazy and extra horny and it suck.

[Ricky]

38 minutes ago, Vae said:

I was in my LDR for a year, and the lack of physical contact meant nothing to me.

What was your longest in person one?

[CPU]

I could never understand "open" relationships at that point your basically just friends with benefits. Whats the point of announcing your love to someone if they're openly expressing it to everyone every which way? Hell if I know.

Then again I am quite the possessive and protective type, if I love someone I love only one person and I expect the feelings to be mutual. Even with a high sex drive or not seeing sex as an intimate act. It's not THAT hard to stay content with your partner for as long as it goes on. Sex isn't the only pleasurable thing in life there's plenty of other things to do in your freetime. Added "open" could also mean "open" love instead of sex. How'd you feel if you were the sextoy to someone else's "open" relationship.Sure you'd have trust you'd here all the details, but so would the other he/she.

It's like saying to your partner "hey you're not enough to satisfy me. Still love u tho fam."

 The idea makes my blood boil, I'm so highly opposed. In the end I guess I am just a loyal bun.

 

[Toshabi]

6 hours ago, Ricky said:

For a debate, sure. Relationships are a bit different. Do I think physical contact is superfluous in a relationship? Of course not. I think it's necessary. That doesn't mean two people can't be in a LDR and keep it together if they like each other enough to make it work, but a relationship lacking physical contact is not the same thing thing as one that's not, and saying otherwise is either being naive or in denial.

There are significant measurable responses couples have with physical contact. Not having that is lacking something, ergo not the same thing.

Sorry :c

Eat THAT, bitch >:3

I can tell you haven't had sex with many furries :V

I'm living statistical proof that isn't the case. Actually, I've often wondered if I was just lucky, but the fandumb is pretty small and such a tightly-knit community where everyone knows one another, that it provides a certain level of safety in itself. That's not to say there isn't risk but having sex with people that you know is a lot safer than doing it with random strangers.

Your argument for LDRs fall flat when you consider the fact that you're basing the assumption of the two people in the LDR never meeting up or having that first physical date. Not to mention no couple has any idea of home-life habits until you're living together. Even then, most people put on a better 'at-home- show till they settle down with that special someone.

 

I'm speaking as someone who is engaged to someone they were once in a LDR with.

 

 

As for the fandom bit, the con talk and discusions I've had with some furries who have gotten bit by STD's would suggest there's a risk (like in any other scenario really) of fooling around. I want to say a red flag should be present about friends who'd want to sex people  they aren't in a relationship with. All it takes is that one furry/broken condom to potentially lead to something catchy. Why bother risking that? Perhaps your circle of friends protect good enough, but to say that's the case with several other groups and suggest its a safe thing to do from 'your experiences' is a tad on the irresponsible side of life. Risk is still risk, unless 30 minutes + of pleasure is really that worth it.

[Ricky]

19 minutes ago, Toshabi said:

Your argument for LDRs fall flat when you consider the fact that you're basing the assumption of the two people in the LDR never meeting up or having that first physical date. Not to mention no couple has any idea of home-life habits until you're living together. Even then, most people put on a better 'at-home- show till they settle down with that special someone.

You seem to have missed like... the seven times I clearly stated I wasn't talking about LDR's in general, but specifically ones where the people didn't meet. So, you are misinterpreting my argument, probably on purpose because you don't seem to have any good retort.

19 minutes ago, Toshabi said:

All it takes is that one furry/broken condom to potentially lead to something catchy. Why bother risking that? Perhaps your circle of friends protect good enough, but to say that's the case with several other groups and suggest its a safe thing to do from 'your experiences' is a tad on the irresponsible side of life. Risk is still risk, unless 30 minutes + of pleasure is really that worth it.

I don't use condoms, and don't have a specific "group". I have been doing amphetamines for the last three years and have a sex drive that puts your average hypersexual teen on steroids to shame.

Cheers! 

[FenrirDarkWolf]

A lot of LDR's I feel like, DO want to meet.

Sparta and I want to, but it's proving to be a bitch because of my financial situation and his familial situation.

[ChaosCalix]

8 minutes ago, Ricky said:

I don't use condoms, and don't have a specific "group".

That's how we get STDs, kids.

[Ricky]

5 minutes ago, FenrirDarkWolf said:

A lot of LDR's I feel like, DO want to meet.

Sparta and I want to, but it's proving to be a bitch because of my financial situation and his familial situation.

I was able to get together with mine when I was in Florida making $11 an hour. I mean, how much does a plane ticket cost?

Then again, the one I'm thinking of is probably the reason I'm so skeptical about them in the first place.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

Just now, Ricky said:

I was able to get together with mine when I was in Florida making $11 an hour. I mean, how much does a plane ticket cost?

Then again, the one I'm thinking of is probably the reason I'm so skeptical about them in the first place.

Well, I have no job still, and then I still have to pay back my unpaid tuition fees while probably on minimum wage.

And the fact that my family's going through hard times as is doesn't help my situation, and I don't want him to foot the entire bill, since he'll be going to college next semester and won't have time for travel.

[Ricky]

13 minutes ago, ChaosCalix said:

That's how we get STDs, kids.

Don't be jealous x3

Seriously though, I *did* have sex thee times with someone I found out later on was HIV+.

He was only on antiretrovirals for about three weeks, too. I guess I got lucky? Oh, he was the one non-furry I had sex with after I stopped dating girls.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Lemon
Edited for fucking nasty

[Toshabi]

17 minutes ago, Ricky said:

You seem to have missed like... the seven times I clearly stated I wasn't talking about LDR's in general, but specifically ones where the people didn't meet. So, you are misinterpreting my argument, probably on purpose because you don't seem to have any good retort.

I don't use condoms, and don't have a specific "group". I have been doing amphetamines for the last three years and have a sex drive that puts your average hypersexual teen on steroids to shame.

Cheers! 

Calm down there buddy, no need to get worked up like that. With me, you see, with work and school, I sometimes miss a good chunk of whats going on in a thread. You'll notice that a lot of what I do on here is make a post and respond to whoever quotes me, which at times, yah can lead me to perhaps miss the mark on half a response that I was quoted apart of. 

 

With the busy life, you can imagine how hard it is to sometimes fit everything under the bill, time-wise. But ay, with the amount of toxic you flung in that one post at me, it's not really worth engaging or proceeding further. I've not the antidotes in my inventory for it.

 

But I will say this though: LDR No Contact period relationships are highly improbable, if not as rare as it gets. But then again, we have cases/disorders/names for people who are in unconventional relationships and we fully acknowledge them. What's it to hurt by admitting that one more group of people, no matter how small and unlikely it is, still exist?

 

Either or, no need to get huffy and puffy with good old Toshabi. It's not very effective and all it'll make him do is sigh and maybe roll his eyes like in that one emoticon. But I know you and you're only doing this for funsies. I think.

 

 

Also, kudos on having sex wthout a condom and not catching anything as well as having a rage boner from all the pills. But again, I ask, should your scenario be the gospel and pass for other people to do it to? But then again, tis the word of a self proclamed hobo/drug dealer so uh. Yeah.

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, Ricky said:

Don't be jealous x3

Seriously though, I *did* have sex thee times with someone I found out later on was HIV+.

jesus christ ricky. Check where you are before you post. Red Lanturn for shit like that. Next time its an infrac, dude. 

[CPU]

16 minutes ago, Ricky said:

I was able to get together with mine when I was in Florida making $11 an hour. I mean, how much does a plane ticket cost?

Then again, the one I'm thinking of is probably the reason I'm so skeptical about them in the first place.

 

23 minutes ago, FenrirDarkWolf said:

A lot of LDR's I feel like, DO want to meet.

Sparta and I want to, but it's proving to be a bitch because of my financial situation and his familial situation.

I met with my LD boyfriend for the first time about two and a half weeks ago and it went amazingly well. We've now both made it a point to make sure we meet up at least once or more every month. I'm flying down there July 8th to meet up again. If both people work and spring their money together meeting up shouldn't be that hard. Unless your poverty stricken. 

[Ricky]

12 minutes ago, Toshabi said:

Either or, no need to get huffy and puffy with good old Toshabi. It's not very effective and all it'll make him do is sigh and maybe roll his eyes like in that one emoticon. But I know you and you're only doing this for funsies. I think.

Of course, you know I love you <3

We should meet in person sometime, you'll understand me better. At least, that's what people tell me.. even though I pretty much act the same way in person as I do online >.<

12 minutes ago, Toshabi said:

Also, kudos on having sex wthout a condom and not catching anything as well as having a rage boner from all the pills. But again, I ask, should your scenario be the gospel and pass for other people to do it to? But then again, tis the word of a self proclamed hobo/drug dealer so uh. Yeah.

Nuuuuuuu

Lawl, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm not dead or in prison by now. That's a mystery and too much of a coincidence to ignore. I figure if there's a God he either likes me, or at least finds me amusing and wants to keep me around.

5 minutes ago, Lemon said:

jesus christ ricky. Check where you are before you post. Red Lanturn for shit like that. Next time its an infrac, dude. 

Calm down. There's not even sexual content there. It isn't a *good* thing to admit the mistakes I made so others won't repeat them?

Kids, have sex with other furries and not random meth addicts you happen to meet at Golden Gate Park :V

[Butters]

This is getting a little sad and pathetic now. 

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, Ricky said:

 

Calm down. There's not even sexual content there. It isn't a *good* thing to admit the mistakes I made so others won't repeat them?

Kids, have sex with other furries and not random meth addicts you happen to meet at Golden Gate Park :V

Talk about sex, sure. Don't mention the specifics of the 11 inch cock monster that massacred your asshole. 

[Ricky]

4 minutes ago, Butters said:

This is getting a little sad and pathetic now. 

Want some cheese to go with that whine? :V

[Guest]

Anyways. Like @ChaosCalix, I think you guys are construing an "Open" relationship as some kind of revolving door. There are degrees of nonmonogamy, and it is absolutely, definitely, not for everyone. 

For instance, for me, there is my emotional, physical and mental "Main", This is the partner that is going to be the father of my children, I'm going to marry him, get a house together, whatever. And then, there are friends that I'd like to have ah, relations with, but almost always with my Main involved in some way. Currently, my relationship isn't currently 100% monogamous. I have an online "side chick" for lack of a better word, that he's fully aware of the "Side Chick". Were he to find one that interested him, I'm 1000000% on board. My relationship is about as "open" as the crack of a door to let a little light in. My Side Pieces will always be a mutually beneficial sexual and friendship thing, and nothing more. I don't equate sex to be special, but the bonds you choose to do with someone are (Marriage, Kids, etc) Even then, I feel like sex is a great way to get to know my friends. I'm incredibly giving when it comes to that kinda thing. 

[Frozen Glacier]

I'm still a virgin, and I'll always be one, until I meet back up with "The One". 

 

That one person who will always be true to me....

 

Dozypaws-----<3

[FenrirDarkWolf]

40 minutes ago, CPU said:

I met with my LD boyfriend for the first time about two and a half weeks ago and it went amazingly well. We've now both made it a point to make sure we meet up at least once or more every month. I'm flying down there July 8th to meet up again. If both people work and spring their money together meeting up shouldn't be that hard. Unless your poverty stricken. 

I hope we can do that. Once I start working and once he's away from home, I'm sure we'll be able to meet. (Well, my family never has really had money to blow soooo)

[ChaosCalix]

58 minutes ago, Ricky said:

I was able to get together with mine when I was in Florida making $11 an hour. I mean, how much does a plane ticket cost?

Then again, the one I'm thinking of is probably the reason I'm so skeptical about them in the first place.

43 minutes ago, CPU said:

I met with my LD boyfriend for the first time about two and a half weeks ago and it went amazingly well. We've now both made it a point to make sure we meet up at least once or more every month. I'm flying down there July 8th to meet up again. If both people work and spring their money together meeting up shouldn't be that hard. Unless your poverty stricken. 

It's a lot harder to do if they live in another country and your currency isn't worth all that much~

I mean, NZ to Australia is pretty low, but NZ to USA is four digits, for example.

[Ricky]

5 minutes ago, ChaosCalix said:

It's a lot harder to do if they live in another country and your currency isn't worth all that much~

I mean, NZ to Australia is pretty low, but NZ to USA is four digits, for example.

... unless you happen to make plenty to do that and have the ability to work remote. Wow, I really shouldn't complain about my job, should I o.O?

That's like two days of work's pay, right there.

[Tsuujou]

Closed.

Was open for the exact reasons Zara laid out. Ended terribly. Least I can say I tried.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

41 minutes ago, Ricky said:

... unless you happen to make plenty to do that and have the ability to work remote. Wow, I really shouldn't complain about my job, should I o.O?

That's like two days of work's pay, right there.

Sadly, some-or-most of us don't have that privilege.

[Vallium]

My opinion on LDRs:

They can work if

A) Two people are comfortable enough and happy enough speaking to each other routinely and interacting through any technological means

B) Both parties are independant enough to be able to share responsibility, both are able someday to go to each other one way or another, on a regular basis or once in awhile-eventually be able to live together

 

If B is extremely difficult, impossible, or they're too young, it likely wont work.

An LDR wont work if someone is dissatisfied with A over time

 

And who knows? Some people may even be okay with B. That's just their thing. There are people out there who dont need physical contact and proximity, just the mental and visual connection and to know someone cares about you and shares things with you together regularly. Im not one to judge what someone needs, not everyone shares the same needs and desires. Although I think that's rare.

 

 

[Falaffel]

6 hours ago, Ricky said:

... unless you happen to make plenty to do that and have the ability to work remote. Wow, I really shouldn't complain about my job, should I o.O?

That's like two days of work's pay, right there.

You forgot '#humblebrag'

[FenrirDarkWolf]

7 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

My opinion on LDRs:

They can work if

A) Two people are comfortable enough and happy enough speaking to each other routinely and interacting through any technological means

B) Both parties are independant enough to be able to share responsibility, both are able someday to go to each other one way or another, on a regular basis or once in awhile-eventually be able to live together

 

For B) it's only hard for the time being, but I hope it won't be soon.

[evan]

21 hours ago, Lemon said:

Anyways. Like @ChaosCalix, I think you guys are construing an "Open" relationship as some kind of revolving door. There are degrees of nonmonogamy, and it is absolutely, definitely, not for everyone. 

For instance, for me, there is my emotional, physical and mental "Main", This is the partner that is going to be the father of my children, I'm going to marry him, get a house together, whatever. And then, there are friends that I'd like to have ah, relations with, but almost always with my Main involved in some way. Currently, my relationship isn't currently 100% monogamous. I have an online "side chick" for lack of a better word, that he's fully aware of the "Side Chick". Were he to find one that interested him, I'm 1000000% on board. My relationship is about as "open" as the crack of a door to let a little light in. My Side Pieces will always be a mutually beneficial sexual and friendship thing, and nothing more. I don't equate sex to be special, but the bonds you choose to do with someone are (Marriage, Kids, etc) Even then, I feel like sex is a great way to get to know my friends. I'm incredibly giving when it comes to that kinda thing. 

i'm quoting this for posterity because i want to underline that this is very much how i personally feel about open relationships as well. this is better worded though

 

i think sometimes because we see people who are in open relationships and proceed to abuse that as a chance of casually lacking self control or personal accountability, it becomes the faster used definition of open relationships. 

as far as i can tell, accepting that a physical component in a long distance can't be immediately taken care of is a chance to admit that long distance does have a permeable flaw. but this can be acknowledged carefully by both members of the relationship and doesn't have to be simply either indulgence or blind exploration.

the thing is that the taboo of it speaks louder than the purpose. i've been involved with people of open relationships before and i'd argue that i'm in a similarly labelled type of open relationship as lemon. as far as i can tell, it doesn't matter if it's open or closed, you have to know what your partner needs before you act further. the fundamental failure of open relationships spawns from this much less than the act of admitting that someone doesn't treat sex like a personal thing, but often we think it's the sex, not the attitude behind it.

[Half-Note]

On 27.6.2016 at 4:04 PM, ChaosCalix said:

Key words right there.

Thank you for acknowledging that it is a belief/an opinion. You are a hero of these forums.
 

On 27.6.2016 at 4:04 PM, ChaosCalix said:

You act like an open relationship equates to "Come one, come all". I'm in one, and it's nothing like that. At all.

It's called an overstatement. It is a way of writing in rhetoric that is intended to make a point come across more clearly, but for you, apparently not.
 

On 27.6.2016 at 4:04 PM, ChaosCalix said:

I would argue that being in a healthy open relationship requires MORE communication. You know. Since I'm in one and you aren't. There are a lot of reasons you might want to be with more than one person, and I'm not going to go into all of them (frankly, I don't think I COULD list all of them even if I tried). Assuming that people who would like to be with more than one person can't communicate properly with each other, and that it'd lead to a 'toxic life for all involved', is incredibly short sighted of you.

You are more than welcome to lead that kind of life if you wish to and your partner (or, ahem, PARTNERS) agree(s), but I'm against it and I wouldn't. I can agree that my statement about communication was idiotic, but beyond that, I'm not for it.

[Ricky]

3 hours ago, Half-Note said:

It's called an overstatement. It is a way of writing in rhetoric that is intended to make a point come across more clearly, but for you, apparently not.

*hyperbole