Dad stories

[Proper noun]

  My dad is from Mexico and he moved to America in his twenties so his grasp on English isn't the best. A mistake i remember is that he was stuck in traffic and he got so mad he "Hit his honk" at someone. My dad was talking to my mom and he said " When i looked on my hand there was a religious mantis..."

Mine are pretty bad so please share yours.

[Sutekh_the_Steak]

My dad asked if you could pause Netflix once. He is 63 though so he's a bit of a technophobe.

[#00Buck]

Went to Ireland and got drunk with his friends and pissed all over the blarney stone.

Then stood there the next day watching everyone kiss it and laughed his ass off. 

[Mikazuki Marazhu]

My dad is a fisherman, we get to eat fish everyday #dadstories

[Imperial Impact]

My dad pronounce the word "Batteries" as "Battrees".

English is his first language.

[Guest]

My dad uses old timey words totally seriously. It helps to picture that my dad is black and did jazz for a long time. So he uses 'cats' to reference a group of people, 'drawers' to reference undies, etc etc. 

"What's up with the jive times, my cool cat"

"Dad"

[Vallium]

*watching Sherlock holmes*

Dad: Oh look, it's Khan

Me: Uhm, no that's Sherlock

Dad: Oh wait is that Bilbo?

Me: Dad, no..

Dad: Did Khan just save Bilbo???

 

 

...there's also that time my dad unironically made a craigslist personals ad for my dog to stud him out to a female boxer

+cringey points because in one picture he made it look like my dog was wearing glasses and reading a Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck book

[Crazy Lee]

22 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

*watching Sherlock holmes*

Dad: Oh look, it's Khan

Me: Uhm, no that's Sherlock

Dad: Oh wait is that Bilbo?

Me: Dad, no..

Dad: Did Khan just save Bilbo???

 

 

...there's also that time my dad unironically made a craigslist personals ad for my dog to stud him out to a female boxer

+cringey points because in one picture he made it look like my dog was wearing glasses and reading a Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck book

See now I want to watch Sherlock and imagine it's Khan Noonien Singh and Bilbo Baggins in modern times solving crime.

 

[Mapa]

1 hour ago, Imperial Impact said:

My dad pronounce the word "Batteries" as "Battrees".

English is his first language.

Sure your dad isn't from England?

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

My dad was a big nerd. He liked Star Trek and Dr. Who, and liked to listen to Pink Floyd, David Bowie, and Queen. No wonder I turned out to be such a geek.

[Guest]

so, recently my bf let my dad know that he was gonna ask me a ~big question~ int he next few months. After he hands my phone back to me my dad- who is a decorated senior military officer- is speechless for a few moments before he says, "Oh my god I am so old"

That is the first thing he says. And then continues to stutter things like "You love him you're serious" and "Oh god I am so old fuck". This man's job is literally to hold a cool face when major shit gets brought up. And he freaks out about his age when he gets told his kid is gonna get married.

It was seriously thesweetest thing

[Ricky]

One time when I was about thirteen I went bike riding with a friend into a neighborhood j wasn't supposed to go. A bunch of bigger kids were trying to intimidate us and there were like six of them. One kid asked me how much money I had and I told him $3.50. He said "I want your bike" and I told him he wasn't getting my bike, but I gave him the $3.50 I mean, I came from a pretty wealthy family anyway.

My friend during this time had went and found a cop, who then later showed me pictures at my parent's house, so my dad found out. He kicked my ass for giving up the $3.50. I've never been successfully mugged since that (although many attempts).

My dad used to hit me and stuff, until I stopped giving a damn and sometimes fought back, even though he was bigger. So, he started kicking our cat across the room, since it was the only way he knew how to get to me.

The one good memory I have was when this .Canadian guy clotheslined me and my friends after one of them had played a practical joke on them. When my dad found out and found the guy he picked him up and held him over a railing with a three story drop. The guy was scared shirtless to say the least.

Yeah, that's the one.

[Käpt'n]

When I was like 4 I watched the movie Manta Manta with my dad. The Opel Manta was a cheap sports car built in the 70s and it had a huge cult following. 

The movie is about matchos driving their Mantas and blonde women with big tits.

As we were watching the movie my dad explained to me: "See that woman with the blonde hair? That is a Manta bimbo."

A few days later we were shopping at the mall. Guess what I saw there? A blonde woman with big tits. 

My dad saw me walking up to her and panicked. "Is he gonna remember...?"

I sure did!  I went up to her, looked up and asked "Are you a Manta bimbo?" 

She looked at my dad, totally pissed off, and asked "Is he yours?!" 

My dad was so proud :3

[Enigma]

My dad was married to my mom for almost 24 years. But decided to divorce her when he retired from the military. He waited for my sister's highschool graduation (which he didn't stay for) to leave for Massachusetts, leaving my mom and little sister in Texas, to meet an old highschool girlfriend. My little brother tagged along because he wanted to be closer to him.

When he got there he found out his old gf was fat and crazy so he went back to my mom (after running out of money and asking her to wire him some), then left for Florida. Leaving my little brother with my mom. 

This was great, I was in Guam at the time. Unable to do much, my mom was tight on money so I basically gave her all my savings at the time. Thanks dad. You total asshole.

[Vallium]

Just nobody make a mom stories thread, fun stuff :v

[Osrik]

My dad is pretty geeky and slightly quirky. probably explaining my own abnormal interests and character.

From about the age of 8, we would watch Stargate SG-1 and other Sci Fi Channel shows together. These shows were not really suited to a younger audience, having gratuitous violence and language,  but cemented my interest in science fiction at a very young age. Slightly later on, we began watching Doctor Who together with the beginning of the 9th Doctor.

He also listens to a lot of classic rock, including the Electric Light Orchestra, Queen, Kansas, and many other bands (and often sings along to them as he listens to them, no matter the setting), all of which continue to be some of my favorite bands.

Overall, i think he has been a pretty good influence on me and my sister.

 

[Proper noun]

 On my Mom and Dad's first date, 500 miles by The Proclaimers came on my dad asked my Mom " What does Undela Undela Undela Undela da lang da lang da lang da da mean? "

[Guest]

My stepdad's mind was  BLOWN when he found out my mom idn't really introduce me to music. I was 11 and didn't know about music passed bachata and enrique eglasias. It was around the time Guitar Hero came out, so he basicaly single handedly introduced me to music in general. I was 12 and into Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Dream Theatre, etc etc.. I really thank himfor my love of music even today. 

[Dr. Doggo]

i have a ton of stories about my dad and one of our half retarded neighbors but im too drunk to write essays about em now

[Vallium]

1 hour ago, Sir Gibby said:

i have a ton of stories about my dad and one of our half retarded neighbors but im too drunk to write essays about em now

But drunk essays are the best

[Imperial Impact]

20 hours ago, pothocket said:

Sure your dad isn't from England?

He has England blood, But he's born and raise in Canada.

[Ricky]

37 minutes ago, Rhíulchabán said:

My dad believes oil is the earth's blood and that it regenerates over time and that's why we can harvest it all we want. :3

Yeah, over millions of years... >.>

In this day and age the world could probably burn though all of it in one hundred. Anyway, the earth doesn't even need it AFAIK. Not very much lives off hydrocarbons made from decayed material that was decayed even more, and then decayed again. That's why crude oil has sulfur in it.

Once we can tap into the energy supply from methane clathrates at the bottom of the ocean though we won't even need it.

[Butters]

One of the fun parts of getting older is remembering what your parents were like at your current age. 

I remember when me and my brother were very young (maybe 4 or 5) we were watching Peewee's Big Adventure late at night in a dark room with our father. That Large Marge scene scared the living shit outta us. And he just laughed and laughed. He was really depressed back then so it was weird to see him laugh. 

Thinking back on it, he was sorta a kid himself when that happened. So it's a charming memory of how he was in his youth. 

He's working on becoming an old man now. He and my mother keep to themselves, but I visit them as often as I can. He's still there for me and nice as ever. I really love my dad. 

[Ricky]

My parents were never my age.

I'm convinced they walked out of the womb on a red carpet sipping on a glass of Chardonnay.

Me, I was almost an entire month early. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there :V 

[Endless/Nameless]

Huh what oh dad stuff ok

my dad is like a modern-day noah.
He doesn't act to be an animal person,
but has a tiny soft spot for them.
and they love him in an odd ever-trusting way.

one time he went for a walk by himself
by the time he was done, a goat, a dog and a cat were all following him single file of their own volition.

[Fossa]

5 minutes ago, Endless/Nameless said:

Huh what oh dad stuff ok

my dad is like a modern-day noah.
He doesn't act to be an animal person,
but has a tiny soft spot for them.
and they love him in an odd ever-trusting way.

one time he went for a walk by himself
by the time he was done, a goat, a dog and a cat were all following him single file of their own volition.

Phew, when I first saw, "Modern Day Noah", I thought of those people who just spent $100 million someplace in Kentucky, to build a replica of Noah's Arc, and teach that evolution bad, creationism Good! World only 6,000 years old!

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/tv/why-christian-fundamentalist-ken-ham-built-a-100-million-ark/news-story/113ca70c4e8b3233bfb688798ca7eee8

 

[SkyboundTerror]

Ahh, dad stories.

I remember once when I was around 4 years old, I was out playing in the front yard with some sticks and rocks, and a snake came out from the nearby bushes. I was more curious than anything and I was about to approach it while it approached me, but my mom came running towards me and pulled me away. My dad bolted to the poor thing and chucked it over a fence with his bare hands in less than a second.

I thought he was the coolest dad ever for the longest time because of that instance.

[Vallium]

3 hours ago, Endless/Nameless said:

Huh what oh dad stuff ok

my dad is like a modern-day noah.
He doesn't act to be an animal person,
but has a tiny soft spot for them.
and they love him in an odd ever-trusting way.

one time he went for a walk by himself
by the time he was done, a goat, a dog and a cat were all following him single file of their own volition.

Dang, thats amazing

My dad kept saying the word 'cycular' to sound intelligent, and Im just like..."um, it's cyclical, Dad"

And he's like "Dont correct your elders!"

[Gator]

i remember going to visit my dad on weekends, burning my legs on the leather seats in his camaro, and we would listen to "the motorcycle song" (motley crue's "girls, girls, girls"), and he'd swerve left and right or make sudden stops whenever we were on an empty road just for fun.

then we'd go ride go-karts, and i have a picture of him with me at the go-kart track, shoving a pack of cigarettes into his shorts, which look suspiciously like boxers.