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Long has a rich plume been the mark of distinguishment. A lion's pride is his mane, they say, and a peakock's his tail. And kings and heads of state have ruled by their moustaches, sometimes making a substitute for those too deprived- or taxing those too endowed lest they become too powerful.

Of all mammal kind few species are so poor as not to be provided with a coat of fur, yet even the most naked of them posses some remnant of whiskers. It is a mark universal, and there is but one species so debased as to defy nature and distinguish itself by the removal of this precious gift.

At this point it may be protested that it is common enough for such ornaments to be groomed or even trimmed. "Birds," you say, "and even some other handsome beasts shed their plumage at the appointed time, not to mention the natural shedding of fur. Is it so different to add a degree of art to nature? And what of the elderly whose hair fails to grow? Has nature betrayed them?"

No, but such moulting is a process of renewal, and Nature in her benevolence has decreed that, though with time the body may degrade and bald, the face should not. And even though some peoples scattered across the globe have been denied a full beard, she has given them moustaches. (Voltair, The Huron) Even humans of the female sex have been provided a brush of down above the lip. (Gulliver, Travels) To destroy such a thing is an act of insolence, and, as Epictetus says, it would be better to cut off one's head than to shave ones face and live contrary to nature. (Epictetus,  Discourses, Chapter 1)

Epictetus is not the only great mind to have pondered the link between nature and nature's fuzz. Rousseau concluded that, "it takes much wisdom to discern that which lies beneath our noses." Should such a lofty object be held in such disregard? How long should the tradition of a single rogue Scythian be carried out? I beseech you, gentle readet: treat with care this gift you care for so little, that is so envied by your cold blooded peers.

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I have a mustache now...and beard hair :3 Thank you nature


Alas, I cannot be as verbose and eloquent as your musings on the nature of facial hair. But I enjoy it as per the usual.


10/10 would avidly follow trekkie posts always and forever

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