DrGravitas Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 The game is simple! Propose two or more people (Real life or fictional) to fight to the death (additional conditions are fine, too) and the user below will tell us who wins and maybe why or how if they want, then state their own battle choices! Example: Poster 1: Trump v Putin Poster 2: Putin, easy! He beat Trump into a puddle with bad haircut. The Pope v Lucy Ricardo Simple, no? OK, Let's go! Wolf O'Donnell v 11,000 Norwegian wolf hunters 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 If it were a straight fight, the wolf hunters have it handled no problem. If Wolf's allowed to bring his bagfull of brightly coloured low-resolution polygons Starship to the party... well, he can probably take out about 500 of them before the invisible rails his ship is fixed to carry him out of the combat zone and he's forced to restart the level. Who would win: Godzilla vs. tag team partners Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osrik Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Godzilla, easily. Cheney will "accidentally" shoot Sarah in a hunting accident before the fight, and then be disqualified for lacking a partner to form a tag team with. USSR Smackdown: Lenin vs. Stalin vs. Gorbachev vs. Putin 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feelwell Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Stalin. He will crush them with his iron will and gulags! Poutine, Lemon and Gorbachev will stand no chance! Gravitas vs a rabid crowd of murry purry furries 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlynnCoyote Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 1 hour ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said: Gravitas vs a rabid crowd of murry purry furries Gravitas. The furries would be too caught up murring each other in a mass furry orgy allowing Gravitas to infiltrate and... subvert... Whatever. Now to incite a bit of nerd rage. Captain Kirk vs Han Solo. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feelwell Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 8 minutes ago, FlynnCoyote said: Gravitas. The FUZZY master race would be too caught up murring each other in a mass FUZZY orgy allowing Gravitas to infiltrate and... subvert... Whatever. Now to incite a bit of nerd rage. Captain Kirk vs Han Solo. Not gonna answer this one... But there is obviously only one answer and if you don't get it you'll be exiled from nerdom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Captain Kirk, because he starred in a much more varied, well written show with great depth and intelligence; surely, he'd find a clever way to depose that simpleton, Solo. Tony the Tiger Vs. Chester Cheetah. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlynnCoyote Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Chester. He seems like the kind of guy who probably owns guns. Iron Man vs Predator. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted December 11, 2016 Author Share Posted December 11, 2016 Iron Man. Predator couldn't even beat an LAPD Officer in a straight up fight. Once Tony Stark figures out what's going on and the invisibility trick, Predator's toast. Fox McCloud and Samus Aran teamed up versus Sovereign from Mass Effect, if Mass Effect took place in the Metroid Universe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hux Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 (Ignore this post) I'd just like to drop in and say that Putin probably couldn't kick anyone's ass. He's elderly midget with saggy man tits. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feelwell Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Samus Aran hands down. Fox would bite the dust but Samus Aran is badass. Unless it's Metroid Other M. Then you're screwed. Them vs You vs Me 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Me. Jackie Chan armed with a pea shooter, versus Peewee Herman armed with thermonuclear weapons. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LazerMaster5 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Peewee Herman, his dedication to his bike fills him with determination. Alex Jones versus Huffington Post. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CETME Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Alex Jones would make 1776 commence again, so George Washington and all the American revolution soldiers will rise from their graves and kill everyone in the HuffPost officies. Robbie Rotten vs biggie cheese 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Robbie Rotten, since his only tactic and goal in life is to get people to eat junk food and I'm willing to bet Biggie Cheese will be more than happy to indulge him. Whatever happens, the end result will almost certainly be the subject of plentiful erotic fan fiction. Santa vs. the American Postal Workers Union. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 American Postal Workers. They relieved though rain, sleet and snow. Santa just does snow. Plus, he'd be vastly outnumbered, is overweight, and likely to have a heart attack. Foghorn Leghorn Vs. Col. Sanders 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osrik Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Colonel Sanders in life, he has plenty of experience killing chickens, but Foghorn Leghorn in the afterlife: Macho Man Randy Savage vs. the Spectre of Communism 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WileyWarWeasel Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Macho Man Randy Savage would win because Mad Max vs Type 90 Kyū-maru. vs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Mad Max. He just looks smarter, and better. The Ghost of Elvis Presley Vs. The Ghost of Michael Jackson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Oh though one! I think micheal would win because his more agressive moves. 6tails vs gordon ramsey 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snagged Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Cooking or berating, Ramsay wipes the floor with 6tails Unstoppable force vs an immovable object 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 The unstoppable force was merely deflected off the immovable object, without stopping. The only death in the deathmatch was an old accountant who had a heart attack after he discovered that the deflected unstoppable force had plowed through his brand new Porsche. All-in-all a disappointing match and many spectators demanded a refund. Julius Caesar vs Napoleon, both with their best legions. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Easy peasy, Napoleon. He had ten times as many soldiers and modern weaponry too. Dr Gravitas vs. his evil clone 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Gravitas. Bakeoff between myself and 6tails 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosha Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 Caledonian wins! Baketality! Kosha vs Kosha. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osrik Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 The mirror; it was actually your reflection. Now for the showdown of the ages: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FenrirDarkWolf Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 Gardfiel, obv Bernie Sanders vs Prime Minister Theresa May 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted December 18, 2016 Author Share Posted December 18, 2016 You'd think, given it's a deathmatch, that the young hiking enthusiast May would beat out old man Sanders. But, what you don't know is that Sanders is secretly a master of Krav Maga. It was a horrifying, brutal short show with the longest and most boring pre-match interview speeches known to man. The Iron Giant versus Godzilla 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Hmm tough one. I mean the Iron Giant is definitely way too nice, so Godzilla has the brutality to win. However, Ted Hughes had to put up with being married to that crazy bitch Silvia Plath, so I wouldn't be surprised if the Iron Giant hasn't got an untapped mean streak coded into his being that only activates on contact with depressing poetry. So I reckon Godzilla wins, unless the Iron Giant's little friend starts reciting from the Bell Jar, in which case my verdict is reversed. Either way, both participants are probably guys in rubber suits marauding around a bunch of cardboard boxes painted to look like skyscrapers. Wolverine without his claws, vs. Justin Bieber with a megaphone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Definitely Bieber with a megaphone. The sheer pain that would inflict would incapacitate anyone; Wolverine wouldn't even get a chance to use his claws; he'd be too busy covering his ears with them. Ronald McDonald, armed with a powerful, super soaker squirt gun of used, rancid deep-frying grease VS. Mr. Clean, armed with a mop, bucket of sudsy water, and a sponge? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosha Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Mr. Clean because he's buff and Ronald has been living off McDonald's for God knows how long. The entire state of Georgia vs The entire country of Georgia. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArielMT Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 (edited) Tiblisi has endured Lenin, Stalin, Khruschev, Brezhnev, Andropov, Chernenko, Gorbachev, and Putin. Especially Putin, who has a thing for South Ossetia and shooting journalists in the middle of live reports, but Georgia kept both. Probably the easiest time Georgia had was when Yeltzin was their neighbor. Meanwhile, Atlanta would fold like a wet sponge just from Putin looking at it wrong. There was also that one peanut farmer, but he gave up his farm to go to D.C., and there hasn't been much besides CNN, the Bible Belt, and retirees going to Florida. Edit: Winner: The former Soviet Peachtree Republic. Jay Z vs. Jay and Silent Bob Edited December 19, 2016 by ArielMT 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted December 27, 2016 Author Share Posted December 27, 2016 Jay gets stabbed, but it can't be proven by whom, and Jay Z is devastated by a single-line quip. Silent Bob survives unscathed. Michael Jordan vs Babe Ruth, using only sports equipment as weapons and armor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I'm going with Babe Ruth. His batting power and accuracy would pummel Jordan, who I also see as not being able to remain as focused. Barbie Vs. Ken Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosha Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Barbie because if Ken punches her, he's going to jail for domestic abuse. John Lennon vs George Harrison vs Paul McCartney vs Ringo Starr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 John Lennon would be shot by some American lunatic before he even swung a punch, Ringo Starr would be too drunk to focus and could only defend himself by mumbling half-remembered lines from Thomas the Tank Engine, and George Harrison would just sit quietly at the back waiting for his turn, so I reckon Paul McCartney would win that one - possibly by the cunning application of his ex-wife's terrible vegetarian cooking. Optimus Prime vs. whoever the hell the leader of the Gobots was supposed to be. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 I had to look it up, and I kid you not he's called Leader-1. Apparently the Go Bots franchise was eventually bought out by Hasbro and integrated as some kind of alternate universe of the Transformers. So, it seems fitting that Optimus Prime would befriend Leader-1, then sacrifice himself to save the bot he literally just met, only to have Leader-1 imitate this as well and sacrifice himself to become spare parts to repair Optimus Prime. The winner is Hasbro with a brand new hit toy: Optimus-1. Theodore Roosevelt versus Abraham Lincoln, both in their prime. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 7 minutes ago, DrGravitas said: Theodore Roosevelt versus Abraham Lincoln, both in their prime. Roosevelt Prime and Lincoln Prime? Sounds like two more winning toys for Hasbro! (Skip me) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Probably Roosevelt, because he seems so frenetic and blustery, and Lincoln seems so measured and calm. But perhaps Lincoln would somehow fool Roosevelt. @DrGravitas armed with 10 gallons of peanut butter and a slingshot, or @Kosha armed with 10 gallons of Molasses, and a special 'water' cannon with which to fire it? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Since they have both liked the post, I propose we find out! Gladiators, to your weapons! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 I'm pretty sure I'd win, but why do we have to fight it out in these skimpy bathing suits? How come the arena's built in a nightclub? And what's with all the Xs in the title and banners? Gengis Khan vs King Arthur 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 6 minutes ago, DrGravitas said: I'm pretty sure I'd win, but why do we have to fight it out in these skimpy bathing suits? How come the arena's built in a nightclub? And what's with all the Xs in the title and banners? Gengis Khan vs King Arthur (minor details, minor details!) I'll go with Gengis Khan...he just seems meaner. Without the Knights of the Round-table, I'm not sure how well Arthur would fare, all in all, especially as I see him at an advanced age, and more a tactition, than a lone actor. (At least in my limited imaginings of such legends) ~ Big Bird Vs. Oscar the Grouch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 18 minutes ago, Fossa-Boy said: I'll go with Gengis Khan...he just seems meaner. Without the Knights of the Round-table, I'm not sure how well Arthur would fare, all in all, especially as I see him at an advanced age, and more a tactition, than a lone actor. (At least in my limited imaginings of such legends) Well, 'Arthur' is thought to originate in the word 'Ursa' meaning 'Bear', so he was most likely a big hairy gay man. Ok, Big Bird vs. Oscar. I reckon this one would go to Oscar. Sure, Big Bird has the weight advantage and Oscar only has one arm to fight back with, but the Grouchster is WAY meaner, his single fist is right at the height of Big Bird's groin, and to top it all he's got armour. So long as he's not drunk that day, I reckon Oscar has this one in the bag. Isombard Kingdom Brunel vs. MacGuyver. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted January 11, 2017 Author Share Posted January 11, 2017 Brunel is one of my all-time favorite historical engineers, but he works on grand scales that would help him little in a straight-up fight. MacGuyver would be able to devise ingenious (sometimes ludicrous) crap to give him an edge, but he's also pretty pacifistic. They work together to escape the madmen who tried to force them to fight to the death, while saving the some random people being threatened with death after MacGuyver fakes his death. Anthropomorphic personifications of C++ and C# 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted January 11, 2017 Share Posted January 11, 2017 I know almost nothing about programming, but I'll say C++ because I think it can hide more deadly viruses, but I may be wrong. The Simpson's family (just the main 5), vs. the Bob's Burgers Family (Again, just the immediate family of 5)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 12, 2017 Share Posted January 12, 2017 There would be only one survivor: Maggie Simpson. She's hardcore. She shot Mr Burns. Kung Fu Panda's Furious Five vs. Enid Blyton's Famous Five. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrGravitas Posted January 17, 2017 Author Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) One has fought the supernatural while the other typically fights more mundane threats like smugglers. You'd think the furious five would have an easy time with the british boys, but you'd be mistaken. It's a hard slog with casualties on both sides; the famous five make them work for that final victory. Anthro rabbit with knives and swords versus anthro fox with a net and trident, both fighting without armor. Edited January 17, 2017 by DrGravitas Decided part of that could make some people uncomfortable 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lopaw Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 The fox ends up netting the rabbit after some time feinting each move, at witch point the rabbit is ended in a way that would like like something out of the god of war games. Jeremy corbyn vs Nigel farage 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faust Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Nigel Farage beats on Corbyn's whimpering, supine body for five or ten minutes with no appreciable effect before his head explodes from sheer prejudice. The remains are rigged with an electronic skeleton and sent to America where the cybernetic corpse is resurrected as... ...Robo-Border-Patrolman! "Hop it, Foreigners!" Big Ben converted into a war mech with arms, legs and missiles, versus the Pyramid of Cheops, converted into a gigantic tank with a huge cannon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fossa Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Clearly the Pryamid because it would also have some odd, mystical power, or be able to summon UFOs. An army of Life Size Tickle Me Elmo's Vs. An Army of Tickle Me Emos. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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