Red Lion Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 More motivation to leave this town, the fucking neighbors. Why the hell someone would mow somebody's lawn when they weren't asked to do so. Then they come up all smiles and say "Your grass was getting kinda long, I mowed it for you!". Fuck you buddy, I didn't ask you to mow my grass, whether or not my grass is long isn't your concern. I know I sound like a crab apple ( I kinda am one) but there's a mentality in my neighborhood that everyone's house and lawn has to be up to a certain standard. Grass that is unmowed is an "eyesore". My dad's old Pontiac firebird is an "eyesore" if we paint our mailbox any color but black it's an "eyesore". They can't legally do anything about these things but I'm getting sick of the passive aggressive suggestions that we "get rid of that old junk car" "you should chop down those trees up front, we can barely see your house from the road" and "remember to mow your lawn". I can ignore them most of the time but this fucker mowing our lawn while we're out is crossing the line. I don't care what your intentions were, you weren't invited into my yard, it's my yard so you better damn well leave it alone. Don't fucking act like you did me a favor you insipid little asshole, with your manufactured, lack-luster smile, vacant lifeless eyes and your anemic tone of voice that never displays an extreme emotion of any kind but still manages to be laced with a tepid disdain for anything that breaks up your cookie cutter monotony. Of course he fucking mowed right over our peach tree saplings. Probably didn't even realize what they were. Can you tell I hate this witless, flabby, piece of stale human cardboard? Worse when you try to have words with him he acts surprised, like he doesn't understand why you're angry or he'll take the approach that he did you a favor and he knows better than you do. He has no taste, no style and no personality beyond "I'm a middle aged, middle class white guy who lives in the suburbs. Threats to my masculinity make me uncomfortable and I spend all day doing yard work, hating cats, gays and secretly hating black people and being a Tarheels fan." he's got a southern accent but lacks any of the flavor that makes American's from the south interesting, if he ever had any traces of southern culture he sanded them off long ago in favor of wearing Khaki shorts and polo shirts while drinking light beer as he vapidly whispers sweet nothings to his manicured, perfectly spherical shrubs. I don't even know why the sight of him makes me want to walk up and punch him, but his existence filled me with an inexplicable loathing before he decided to be "neighborly". If it weren't disgustingly petty I'd paint his mailbox rainbow colors and cover it with stickers of cats. >8[ 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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