PastryOfApathy Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 As many of you know, I have a job. It's hard to imagine, but please at least try to think what that may look like since I know it's probably unfamiliar to everyone.At said job I've been forced to listen to a nonstop parade of the same fucking christmas songs over and over because fuck life. But I started to notice something about the more modern ones (you can tell they're modern because they randomly talk about texting and selfies for no reason). They all either make Santa sound like some kind of sugar daddy, or they just wanna fuck Santa.Like every single one is just "Oh Santa I've been a good girl~" or "Please fuck me Santa...". When the fuck did Santa become some kind of sex symbol for people other than old gay mean? Motherfucker's taken assholes. What about I dunno the Easter Bunny? I mean he's a rabbit which is weird, but at this point I don't think that's gonna stop anyone. I'd say cupid too but I think he's like 3 or something, which is a bit of a boner killer.Fuck Christmas, I can't even gorge on eggnog because it's so fucking expensive now. $5.29 what the fuck is that seriously? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grassfed Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Christmas beers are terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#00Buck Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 When I was a kid I stole a copy of Hustler from my dad's porn stash. It was a December issue and it had photos of Santa getting blowjobs in the middle of the road from a bus load of porn chicks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troj Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Oh yeah, not looking forward to being blasted with the same six chirpy-ass songs on endless repeat. Ugh.'Tis the season to hear that song about Jesus killing that kid's mom so that a dude in a store will buy the kid some shoes for his dead mon and therefore learn the true reason for the season. Oh goody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sourdough Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Burn this to a disc, make them play it:Problem solved. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onnes Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Hah, someone beat me to the metal Christmas music. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sourdough Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Metal Xmas, fun for the whole family! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra.Exe Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Terrible? What are you talking about?This is a Christmas favorite of mine, it moves me to tears...*Sniff...* So beautiful. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phausk Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 What about this classic? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) Am I the only one not feeling holiday vibes anymore? :CLike...its fun when youre a kid with no sense of time and the world is just anticipating the eventual coming of Christmas and magical gift grandpas and deer, and then you wake up some day and its magically Christmas. Now its that countdown through the calender through banal day-to-day events getting past the workweek humps into the next breaks and holidays and corporations are constantly being ready in anticipation for it pushing music and merchendise three months ahead of said holiday.Yeah man, the spirit is real Edited November 26, 2015 by WolfNightV4X1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerig Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 they never play my favorite Christmas song.i guess since its not really one that inspires you to shop or whatever, its not good enough.alternatively, I would also accept this 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misomie Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 At Subway we are allowed two stations. One used to never play christmas music but now it does at night. However, this station doesn't repeat songs (sometimes different versions but not the same song) and I was dancing and singing around while closing tonight. Is it just me or is the song Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" not just a cute song about the dad dressing up as Santa and the kid finding them? What if the guy dressed as Santa was a man the mom was having an affair with? I mean, the kid didn't recognise the man.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisek Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Is it just me or is the song Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" not just a cute song about the dad dressing up as Santa and the kid finding them? What if the guy dressed as Santa was a man the mom was having an affair with? I mean, the kid didn't recognise the man....My entire life has been turned upside down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misomie Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 My entire life has been turned upside down.I was just sweeping and humming along when the thought came to mind. :< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sidewalk Surfboard Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 You clearly haven't had a disco christmas then 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarthTheWereWolf Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Awww... I actually like Christmas songs.Though yea, the slutty Santa songs make me grind my teeth... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra.Exe Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Is it just me or is the song Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" not just a cute song about the dad dressing up as Santa and the kid finding them? What if the guy dressed as Santa was a man the mom was having an affair with? I mean, the kid didn't recognise the man....Is it bad that I've never actually thought it was the former at all, and legit thought the mom was cheating on the dad with Santa?So now I'm having your revelation.... IN REVERSE. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisek Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 I only hate Christmas music because I hate Christmas. Before you jump on me, it is because of trauma. Before you ask, no, Santa didn't make a move on me. But based on this new music many want him to? He's a geriatric obese man with terrible fashion sense! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZorroValdez Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) ~metal Christmas muzakI see your album and raise you a few more songshttps://www.youtube.com/embed/SkQaNRBsFCA"https://www.youtube.com/embed/jFov_7a90wA"https://www.youtube.com/embed/T0iMRMl07cY" Edited November 26, 2015 by ZorroValdez feckin embeds 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phausk Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 (edited) You can always have a Pokemon ChristmasSq-sq-squirtle! Edited November 26, 2015 by Phausk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 have a very steampunk christmas from my side! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kellie Gator Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 NEEDS MORE ONKEL TOM FUCKIN' ANGELRIPPERThis is the only christmas-related thing I listen to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Top kek. You and my sister have a lot in common here haha Also, relevant: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vallium Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 ITT: Better Christmas musics Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spot Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azure Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 i am mildly stoked for xmas this year and ill tell you why. dads girl friend turned fiancee(ugh) is where were having it and ive noticed a few things. the first thing is its like none of these people have ever met a dynamic person on their life. theyre all just sad fat bored republicunt idiots. and they love the crap out of me because im DIFFERENT. the second is this poor woman desperately craves my approval, and ive made it pretty clear that i am only amenable to shiny things and stuff. give me your loot woman! thing three they are all loaded. call me shallow, call me a parasite, call me whatever. im gonna clean the fuck up. and then imma gtfo. fuck christmas 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolflich Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 What is a dynamic person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastryOfApathy Posted November 26, 2015 Author Share Posted November 26, 2015 [Weeb shit] 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caledonian Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 Its official material from the series... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azure Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 What is a dynamic person?meor rather somebody who isn't the blandest collection of meat molecules and inconsequential trash knowledge. like many people you know who are utterly boring and forgettable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sourdough Posted November 26, 2015 Share Posted November 26, 2015 i am mildly stoked for xmas this year and ill tell you why. dads girl friend turned fiancee(ugh) is where were having it and ive noticed a few things. the first thing is its like none of these people have ever met a dynamic person on their life. theyre all just sad fat bored republicunt idiots. and they love the crap out of me because im DIFFERENT. the second is this poor woman desperately craves my approval, and ive made it pretty clear that i am only amenable to shiny things and stuff. give me your loot woman! thing three they are all loaded. call me shallow, call me a parasite, call me whatever. im gonna clean the fuck up. and then imma gtfo. fuck christmasIt is nice to see you excited for a thing, to hell with the reasons. Clean up and grab me a fancy watch or something. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gator Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 i love me some christmas music. but i mean like, "rockin' around the christmas tree", not "my christmas tree is delicious". *gag*i can't really talk about people hitting on santa, though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Lion Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 i love me some christmas music. but i mean like, "rockin' around the christmas tree", not "my christmas tree is delicious". *gag*i can't really talk about people hitting on santa, though...Yeah, you have no room whatsoever to talk you santasexual freak. I just want you to know that I shake my head at you and your deviant ways you pervert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlynnCoyote Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 Where's that rock I like to hide under?I'll see you all for New Years Eve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizy Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 OP is leading the War on Christmas.Why do you hate Christmas huh?WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hakar-Kerarmor Posted November 28, 2015 Share Posted November 28, 2015 It seems there are only three options for Xmas music" 1: The same old songs from decades ago. (LastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeartLastChristmasIGaveYouMyHeart)2: Rehashes of the same old songs from decades ago.3: Weird shit made by people trying to avoid the previous two options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.