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I'm sorry to all of you I've hurt.


Sidewalk Surfboard
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I'm sorry I'm such a horrible piece of garbage as of recent. I've been feeling horrible and empty for the past 3 days and all of you coming here and bringing up the past and calling me a prick and an asshole isn't helping. I feel like you all just want me to leave, and if you say you do, I will, because I know how fucking annoying I am, and I wish I could stop, but I can't. I'm a despicable creature who lashes out at others to fill whatever emptiness there is. I know I'm being an asshole, and I try so hard not to be, but I can't control it sometimes. I know you guys are going to say that's not an excuse, and I know it isn't. I'm trying to explain myself. When I get attached to a person or a thing I can't just let go of it. I become so attached that it's the only thing that fills that space. And when I get attached, I get angry. Angry at myself, mostly. You're all going to say I'm just a stupid teenager, and you're right. I'm an idiot. You guys are sick of me, and I know how that feels. I don't want to deal with myself anymore either. I'm sorry, Lucy, for upsetting you, and I'm sorry for getting into fights and being such a self loathing shit. I'm not going to get any sympathy, because you're all tired of me, and I'm ok with that. I just want to explain myself.

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hey, don't take this the wrong way, but...stop. you really really need to stop putting yourself in this position, it's not remotely healthy and this thread goes the same way every time.

 

do you need someone to talk this through with? that would be the better thing to do right now, get some one on one support and figure out where to go with this

 

if we keep going the public apology route, nothing is going to get better.

 

you know what i'm sick of? people literally tearing themselves apart for not being perfect or having a bad time. if you've got a problem with all of this, let's focus on that, not drag what's good about you down further.

Edited by evan
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Most of us want to like you, and plenty of us do, or at least have neutral stance towards ya.

Your own view is just so skewed it pits the minority as a majority.

I for one don't really have much of an opinion, and my view of you leans on the positive side. However constant self pity and lashing out doesn't do good to that. Start counting to ten before you post, re read it, and think again if that's all you want to say.

I think of you as a vocal and an important piece of the mechanism that is Phoenix, and I'd hate to see you leave because of lies you've told yourself

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I was going to write a more aggressive post but all I'm gonna say is that I'm tired, I'm really damn tired of you not listening to all the advice that you received. I've run out of patience to spare for you

Edited by Guest
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Just now, Amiir said:

I was going to write a more aggressive post but all I'm gonna say is that I've tired, I'm really damn tired of you not listening to all the advice that's been given to you. I've run out of patience to spare for you

I try to follow your advice but something is wrong with me. Every single time I try to fix my problems, I just crumble again and it's not healthy. I just want to get serious help.

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Just now, Amiir said:

I was talking more about other people's advice. Vae gave you some good tips but again, you just won't listen

Don't you dare accuse me of not listening, because I am trying to listen. I listen to everything you people say to me because you guys are all I have right now. I can't describe how difficult it is to follow your advice. I can't just fix myself that quickly. I need time.

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Just now, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

Don't you dare accuse me of not listening, because I am trying to listen. I listen to everything you people say to me because you guys are all I have right now. I can't describe how difficult it is to follow your advice. I can't just fix myself that quickly. I need time.

do you acknowledge this with yourself? do you tell yourself you need time, or do you tell yourself that if you fall apart you are permanently broken? you've expressed both views here and one of them is significant less healthy.

if anyone is phrasing this sort of thing to be easy to fix, first of all that's a problem. second, if YOU think it's easy to fix then you need to realize it isn't and failure is not a sign of weakness unless you accept it as a flaw.

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1 minute ago, evan said:

do you acknowledge this with yourself? do you tell yourself you need time, or do you tell yourself that if you fall apart you are permanently broken? you've expressed both views here and one of them is significant less healthy.

if anyone is phrasing this sort of thing to be easy to fix, first of all that's a problem. second, if YOU think it's easy to fix then you need to realize it isn't and failure is not a sign of weakness unless you accept it as a flaw.

I tell myself I'm broken. But there's a tiny sliver of hope that I can be fixed.

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1 minute ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I try to follow your advice but something is wrong with me. Every single time I try to fix my problems, I just crumble again and it's not healthy. I just want to get serious help.

Darling, and I mean this the least aggressive way... there is NO serious help on a furry forum. There is NO serious help in everyday life. If you feel you need serious help, you really need to see a professional who actually learned to help you with these problems.

Again, I'm not attacking you with this. But you won't be able to get the help you need here while in the mean time you set your self up for attacks from people who don't want to help, or don't even know you need help, which will just make things worse.

And I'm definitely not saying you should go away. You can be on a forum and see a professional at the same time.

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1 minute ago, Recel said:

Darling, and I mean this the least aggressive way... there is NO serious help on a furry forum. There is NO serious help in everyday life. If you feel you need serious help, you really need to see a professional who actually learned to help you with these problems.

Again, I'm not attacking you with this. But you won't be able to get the help you need here while in the mean time you set your self up for attacks from people who don't want to help, or don't even know you need help, which will just make things worse.

And I'm definitely not saying you should go away. You can be on a forum and see a professional at the same time.

I've been trying to get help for years, but my mom refuses to believe anything is wrong. Just yesterday she said she would let me see someone, but she's not gonna do it. She never does.

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8 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

Don't you dare accuse me of not listening, because I am trying to listen. I listen to everything you people say to me because you guys are all I have right now. I can't describe how difficult it is to follow your advice. I can't just fix myself that quickly. I need time.

You're not listening, neither are you putting much effort, and it shows. You're not assuming your own responsibilities

Edited by Guest
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1 minute ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I AM TOO FUCKING LISTENING. I am putting effort. You can't tell me I'm not because you don't know me in real life.

I don't need to know you for that. I can tell by seeing you repeating the same mistakes, over and over and over and over again, and quite frankly I've had enough of it. Now, I reckon I'm not being very constructive so I'll leave room for those who do want to help you. I'd be helping you too had I not run out of patience

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Perhaps you should calm down, apologize to those youve hurt directly, and try not to fall back into the same arguments. These frequent threads of self loathing always go the same way.

Anyways, you said yourself, you need time. So keep going. Nobody here hates you, most people will give you the time to make that effort.

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1 minute ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

And Amiir, are you seriously judging who I am and what I'm doing with my life based on what I post on a fucking furry forum?

I am judging nothing more than what I'm witnessing. That's all there is to it

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If people are criticizing you and you want them to stop, doing the exact thing they don't want you to do doesn't really solve anything. People here don't want you gone. Even I don't want you gone, you don't deserve to not be around the people you like. But your attitude has caused problems and people want you to stop. Nobody wants you gone, nobody wants you hurt, nobody wants you dead. They just want you to calm down, look at your problems, and slowly take the time to work on them and improve your ability to socialize.

You are not a bad person. Yes, you've stressed me way the fuck out and upset me, but that doesn't mean I think you're some sort of irredeemable fuckhead that I don't want around. That's the difference between you and someone like Brass. You've made mistakes, that's okay, you just gotta learn from them and keep working hard to fix them and absolutely people will come flooding back to you to support you. Someone like Brass doesn't care about socializing, his entire reason for being here is to rustle jimmies. Just step back, take a deep breath, and try to figure out what the problems are.

It's not something you can pin on anyone else, but dealing with these problems and acknowledging that they are YOUR problems doesn't make you a bad person. It means you're trying, and that's more than a lot of people can say. Just give it time and you'll be able to figure it out for yourself exactly what you want to be.

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2 minutes ago, grassfed said:

I'm not gonna get too into this since you've ignored me after only trying to help you out but we don't want to see you leave, Lucy did a pretty good job at explaining that so I dont need to touch on many more points than she did. Take a step back, breathe..

I did ignore you, and I shouldn't have. I reread what you said, and I was stupid to have ignored it.

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4 minutes ago, Lucyfish said:

That's the difference between you and someone like Brass. You've made mistakes, that's okay, you just gotta learn from them and keep working hard to fix them and absolutely people will come flooding back to you to support you. Someone like Brass doesn't care about socializing, his entire reason for being here is to rustle jimmies.

r00d. Maybe if you weren't a salty fish bitch we'd get along better. Would letting you bully me make it better? 

lucy.png.ccfbf9f2daa22656f367a69edc6b949

42 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

<snip>

Sidewalk step outside. Have a breath of fresh air. Don't worry so much about what people think of you because you're already a good kid. Do not apologize for who you are. Own it. You have friends that like you and want to see you do better. For the people that don't, you don't really owe them anything. 

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6 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I did ignore you, and I shouldn't have. I reread what you said, and I was stupid to have ignored it.

Well just so you know, I'm not mad at you. As I've already said before, I've been in your shoes so I can understand some of where you're coming from.

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When you come back, ask the mods to lock this thread.

 

But before you go, say this

"Im sorry for what I did before and will try my best not to do it again"

/thread

that was nobody falls back into the same old repetitive arguments and we can move on, keep, going, aand try again. Its better not to keep bringingbup the incidents and the past.

 

We all make mistakes. we're just here to try to learn from them.

Edited by WolfNightV4X1
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Look, we all screw up. I made some major fuck ups your age, hell I still do them now with a certain regularity. It's not that you aren't redeemable or something but all your self loathing doesn't help in the slightest. I'll say it again, I think you can be a funny girl when you want to but you make it so hard for us to like you with all this negativity of yours. Fuck ups are made, shit happens, instead of letting it tug you down in a pit of depression and self flagellation just move forward. It happened. ''We all do dumb things, it's what makes us human''. Living in the past, crying over spilled milk won't do you any good. Instead assess the incident and look at what went wrong. We all do mistakes but repeating them is to be avoided at all costs. Remember: think thoroughly before you post (I post when sentimental too at times and it almost always goes to shit) and leave your negativity out of the door or speak about your problems with a relative/friend/acquaintance/counselor. This time, though, work hard at improving yourself. Patience is a precious gift and I doubt anyone will be willing to invest their time and effort endlessly if they won't see improvements. Or maybe our company just isn't for you and you'll have to search for another. You'll have to see for yourself

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One of the bigger issues you seem to have is that when any conflict is brought up, your immediate reaction is to berate yourself with it, instead of asking "How can I fix this?"

Self-pity and self-loathing is a stagnation.
It encourages the same behaviors that cause it, to begin with.
It perpetuates a cycle.

It's difficult. If you truly have the same issues you've expressed curiosity in having on the chat, then it's really difficult.
I know that firsthand.
But you really need to learn how to evaluate it and ask both yourself and others how it can be corrected,
rather than immediately jumping to self-flagellation.

Otherwise, nothing is going to get fixed.

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1 hour ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I've been trying to get help for years, but my mom refuses to believe anything is wrong. Just yesterday she said she would let me see someone, but she's not gonna do it. She never does.

Since when do you need your mom to see a doctor?

I was going to the doctor by myself before I was 12 years old. 

Make an appointment and get a referral for a psychiatrist. 

Get a diagnosis. They will prescribe you medication. You will feel better. 

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2 minutes ago, FlynnCoyote said:

And in the meantime, just stop taking yourself seriously. Ultimately nothing that gets said here really matters. This is a furry forum, it's a joke to begin with.

That is also true

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Just as Amiir said, we all screw up at some point. Heck, my life is in the most part a major screwup. I've let bullying ruin my self-esteem, thus my scores at school, let go of opportunities to live a somewhat normal social life, and also by extension normal relationship experiences. I'm now to a point where I don't even know anymore what I precisely want in those regards.

But I don't let that put me down. Eventually I should manage to get my shit together. And not taking life too seriously REALLY helps, trust me!

Edited by Jerry
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28 minutes ago, Vae said:

One of the bigger issues you seem to have is that when any conflict is brought up, your immediate reaction is to berate yourself with it, instead of asking "How can I fix this?"

Self-pity and self-loathing is a stagnation.
It encourages the same behaviors that cause it, to begin with.
It perpetuates a cycle.

It's difficult. If you truly have the same issues you've expressed curiosity in having on the chat, then it's really difficult.
I know that firsthand.
But you really need to learn how to evaluate it and ask both yourself and others how it can be corrected,
rather than immediately jumping to self-flagellation.

Otherwise, nothing is going to get fixed.

Since I have ran out of likes for the day.. *like*

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2 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

You are all very right. I sat in the shower and thought about what you all said. I know it's difficult trying to do the things you tell me to do, but I am going to get myself the help I need in order to even begin pushing myself harder to do them.

Just start with a doctor's appointment and a referral to the appropriate specialist. 

One step at a time. Most likely the only thing you need is a prescription for medication. 

If it makes you feel any better being on medication for personality issues is very common these days. 

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These issues are normal at your age. I struggled too with self esteem and shit and I'm sure almost every other user did. Medication is way too extreme. I didn't need it and I'm doing just fine

Edited by Guest
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2 minutes ago, Amiir said:

These issues are normal at your age. I struggled too with self esteem and shit and I'm sure almost every other user did. Medication is way too extreme. I didn't need it and I'm doing just fine

Pretty much this. It comes with time/age, as cliche as that may sound.

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