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I desperately wish I was straight


ysodelicious
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I hate being a gay male and everything about it. I hate everything associated with it. I hate other gay men. I hate my sex drive. 

I know conversion therapy usually doesn't work, but if it did, and if I had the money, I'd get it. The thing is, I'm a proud agnostic atheist and I don't give a shit about religion, Jesus, God, whatever. 

Ideally, I'd want to be a straight atheist and an LGBT ally too. I support LGBT people but believe in being separate in many instances. Being gay works for mamy, but not for me. It was a mistake for me to end up gay.

Even though no girl would date me, I'd feel a lot better and more confident just knowing I was a heterosexual and 100% attracted to women and 0% attracted to men. Hell, I'd even settle for asexual, bisexual with female preference, or even pansexual! But I had to end up being the worst possible one... great. -_-

I could go on but it'd probably offend some of you. Anyway, does anyone else feel like this? It constantly has me feeling really depressed and suicidal.

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43 minutes ago, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

Is this bait

No, and I wish you guys would stop spamming and assuming that everything was.

 

Just now, DevilishlyHandsome49 said:

I'm sorry bud but I really can't tell if this will be a troll post or not. Forums are a bit...messy at the moment. Would you mind going in depth about it, just so I can get a better sense that this is legit?

I just feel ashamed to be gay. It's hard to explain. As I said, it's not a religious thing. I just hate stereotypical gayness. I hate my small dating pool. I hate how judgemental gay men are towards me. I hate nobody wanting to date me. I hate what I'm attracted to. I hate being part of the population with the most HIV infections. 

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Just now, ysodelicious said:

No, and I wish you guys would stop spamming and assuming that everything was.

 

I just feel ashamed to be gay. It's hard to explain. As I said, it's not a religious thing. I just hate stereotypical gayness. I hate my small dating pool. I hate how judgemental gay men are towards me. I hate nobody wanting to date me. I hate what I'm attracted to. I hate being part of the population with the most HIV infections. 

Ooookay, first of all, you may want to fact check on the whole HIV thing cause that doesn't sound right. Second of all how small is this dating pool? Are you really picky about the guys you're into? Third of all, stereotypical gayness is a thing but I see a lot of gay men who aren't like that at all, nor judgmental. 

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Asexual dude dating another dude here. According to my family and friends "You showed no signs at all of being gay growing up" and currently show no signs of being gay apparently. So yes just because men don't prance about like little princesses doesn't mean they're not into men. Go to a Bear Club or something ;)

Also. If you punch woman that makes the right kind of gays like you. Good gay men like it when you show complete disdain for the opposite sex.

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So if what I'm reading from your OP IS that you hate the fact that you can't find someone to date and you blame the fact that it's because gay men are judgemental well dude people can be very judgemental regardless of gender as for the HIV part you would just have to choose your partners carefully like any person you and use protection like an intelligent person  

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8 hours ago, ysodelicious said:

No, and I wish you guys would stop spamming and assuming that everything was.

 

I just feel ashamed to be gay. It's hard to explain. As I said, it's not a religious thing. I just hate stereotypical gayness. I hate my small dating pool. I hate how judgemental gay men are towards me. I hate nobody wanting to date me. I hate what I'm attracted to. I hate being part of the population with the most HIV infections. 

This is exactly what "Im ugly and nobody wants to date me" guy said

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5 hours ago, Kinharia said:

Asexual dude dating another dude here. According to my family and friends "You showed no signs at all of being gay growing up" and currently show no signs of being gay apparently. So yes just because men don't prance about like little princesses doesn't mean they're not into men. Go to a Bear Club or something ;)

Also. If you punch woman that makes the right kind of gays like you. Good gay men like it when you show complete disdain for the opposite sex.

Damn, you're lucky you got a good sexuality. I got the worst one. =\ And "showed no signs"... on your FA, there's pics of your fursona as a girl. I know that doesn't necessarily correlate to IRL, but, still. And I'm not a bear so I wouldn't fit in there. I'm not against some femininity, I'm against the obnoxious attitude of many gay men.

And nah, that only works for lesbians. And maybe delusional gay furfags, but those are the types I avoid.

8 hours ago, DevilishlyHandsome49 said:

Ooookay, first of all, you may want to fact check on the whole HIV thing cause that doesn't sound right. Second of all how small is this dating pool? Are you really picky about the guys you're into? Third of all, stereotypical gayness is a thing but I see a lot of gay men who aren't like that at all, nor judgmental. 

I'm not even that picky. I just am not dating or even friend material, I suppose? Idk.

8 hours ago, Luca said:

If you want people to take you seriously, why not build up a bit of a history here before making an account and thrusting your shit on us right away, buddy?

Is that how this place works? Honestly I looked at the other threads... nothing of interest worth posting in.

8 hours ago, MuttButt said:

Don't worry dude, I caught teh gay pretty bad once too, but it's manageable. Cup of herbal tea and an hour a day of American Football will fix ya right up.

Herbal tea sounds kinda gay though. =\

8 hours ago, Toshabi said:

A good dicking will change your stance.

Tried it. Enough times where it should have worked and it didn't.

4 hours ago, AshleyAshes said:

This isn't even GOOD bait, he doesn't even explain WHY it's bad for him to be gay.  What the heck kinda bait is that?  That's like a fishing hook without a worm on it.

I tried explaining. It's just hard for me. It's not bait, I promise. It's almost like a... sexuality dysphoria. I don't feel right being gay. I don't want to be associated with it. I don't want this lifestyle.

4 hours ago, Joel said:

So if what I'm reading from your OP IS that you hate the fact that you can't find someone to date and you blame the fact that it's because gay men are judgemental well dude people can be very judgemental regardless of gender as for the HIV part you would just have to choose your partners carefully like any person you and use protection like an intelligent person  

Not even that. I just hate being gay. I don't know how many more times to say it.

3 hours ago, Saxon said:

Whether or not the original post is bait, I also wish I wasn't gay, or furry or any of these other things I am. 

 

THANK YOU. Finally, someone understands. I hate liking furry stuff too, but, that's easier to hide. I don't tell anyone. However, I'm not gonna date a girl just as a cover-up, that's all sorts of wrong.

1 minute ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

I feel like this is an alt account for the guy who made the ugly thread. This guy has the same negative vibe

The login was really annoying and I asked for a username change with no luck.

1 minute ago, DevilishlyHandsome49 said:

I was getting that vibe too....

And for this being a serious problem for him, he sure hasn't answered for a while...

giphy.gif

 

It's called having obligations outside this forum.

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I reaaaally hate the negativity, shallowness, and judgementalness of your threads. No offense.

"Herbal tea sounds gay"

tea is tea. Please dont even...

If youre going to come on a random furry forum just to complain instead of participating and making friends, then youre wasting your time

 

3 minutes ago, Xander Venterus said:

Why hasnt someone deleted this thread yet?  Its a bad joke by a troll.

Poes law. Hes either a sad obnoxious troll to continue this streak or a sad obnoxious pessimist to continue this streak.

sadly, it comes off as serious. But trolling or not, its all sorts of pathetic

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15 minutes ago, DevilishlyHandsome49 said:

And OP, saying "ysodelicious" sounds pretty gay :V

I have trouble thinking of usernames. But, in a way, it's me saying "Why (do I find men to be) so delicious?". So it makes sense.

9 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

I reaaaally hate the negativity, shallowness, and judgementalness of your threads. No offense.

"Herbal tea sounds gay"

tea is tea. Please dont even...

If youre going to come on a random furry forum just to complain instead of participating and making friends, then youre wasting your time

 

Poes law. Hes either a sad obnoxious troll to continue this streak or a sad obnoxious pessimist to continue this streak.

sadly, it comes off as serious. But trolling or not, its all sorts of pathetic

I'M NOT A TROLL. What don't you guys get???

See, this shit bothers me. When I was a kid in school, everyone accused me of being gay. Maybe I turned gay because they practically forced it onto me. By that logic, if you accuse me of being a troll... yeah. Stop.

So I guess I'm just pathetic, but, tell me something I don't already know.

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9 minutes ago, Xander Venterus said:

Why hasnt someone deleted this thread yet?  Its a bad joke by a troll.

I don't think eversleep (his original username) is a troll. he's just some sad guy who constantly wonders why people don't like him while giving people reasons to not like him and feels the need to tell us about it.

either way, he'll just keep making these threads and it's no use banning him because he'll just keep coming back.

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30 minutes ago, willow said:

I don't think eversleep (his original username) is a troll. he's just some sad guy who constantly wonders why people don't like him while giving people reasons to not like him and feels the need to tell us about it.

either way, he'll just keep making these threads and it's no use banning him because he'll just keep coming back.

My name is not eversleep and never was. You may have me confused with someone else.

9 minutes ago, Hewge said:

I think I know why nobody wants to date you

I'd make a great lover so their loss.

5 minutes ago, Mr. Fox said:

It's times like this I'm glad I'm straight.

Lucky, you hit the genetic lotto. =( I want that.

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You could always do conversion therapy yourself and zap yourself every time you think of men. Then you'll make yourself sick when you get your head out of your ass and try to be intimate with someone you love. 

Seriously, how can you generalize so much about something that's a part of you? Or do you think you're too much of a snowflake and gay people can't be anything but flamboyant? 

I don't care if you're trolling, if someone reads this with similar feelings of self loathing, you could seriously set back their development.

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Just now, MissFleece said:

You could always do conversion therapy yourself and zap yourself every time you think of men. Then you'll make yourself sick when you get your head out of your ass and try to be intimate with someone you love. 

Seriously, how can you generalize so much about something that's a part of you? Or do you think you're too much of a snowflake and gay people can't be anything but flamboyant? 

I don't care if you're trolling, if someone reads this with similar feelings of self loathing, you could seriously set back their development.

Should I have put a trigger warning? It's not my fault if it triggers them. That was not my intent. I support LGBT people, I just don't wish to be one.

And the "masc" ones or whatever are just as bad. Regardless of being quiet or flamey, masculine or feminine, they all have really awful traits I just can't get past and I don't want to be associated with them. Only very few are actually decent people, IMO.

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3 minutes ago, ysodelicious said:

Should I have put a trigger warning? It's not my fault if it triggers them. That was not my intent. I support LGBT people, I just don't wish to be one.

And the "masc" ones or whatever are just as bad. Regardless of being quiet or flamey, masculine or feminine, they all have really awful traits I just can't get past and I don't want to be associated with them. Only very few are actually decent people, IMO.

Nah, just cuz you hate yourself doesn't mean you need to project it onto other people. Please seek therapy. 

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3 minutes ago, ysodelicious said:

Should I have put a trigger warning? It's not my fault if it triggers them. That was not my intent. I support LGBT people, I just don't wish to be one.

And the "masc" ones or whatever are just as bad. Regardless of being quiet or flamey, masculine or feminine, they all have really awful traits I just can't get past and I don't want to be associated with them. Only very few are actually decent people, IMO.

I'm also really confused by your attitude tbh. Your sexuality isn't dependent on your personality. There's shitty straight people and awesome gay people, and they're just as varied as any other kind of human. Just because you've had bad interactions with gay people in your life doesn't mean that applies to every gay person ever. As a gay man yourself you ought to at least kind of understand that.

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 Well, first off... don't punish yourself for it. That'll only cause you to resent the situation more.

 Second, statistics mean jack shit when it comes to the individual. They're just gathering numbers and giving you a probability based on their observations and prejudices. 

 Third, What do you believe, not what you've heard, what do you believe about homosexuality? 

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Soooo...

The problems you have, could be overcome, but thats something you have to want to do, coming here and pitty partying will not solve it.

And before anyone smarts back, i have some experience in these things.  I had a serious case of PTSD and it still comes back occasionally, but i choose to overcome, and not let it rule my mind, or my life!  Ive been shot, and ran over by a drunk driver, the latter of which put me in a crippled state for 8+ months, followed by 3 years of physical therapy just so i can walk "sort of" properly....   Were there times where i thought about giving up, yes, quite a few, especially when even Vicodin couldnt numb the pain of my crushed L2 vertebrae....  But i believe the drugs did actually make me more depressed and affected my psychology negatively in other ways too.

I never did give up tho.  I manned the fuck up, tossed the meds to clear my mind and keep it that way.  And i havent taken any more of those narcotics since.  Made a hell of a difference.  I found it was easier to deal with the pain, and keep the weird and bad thoughts the meds caused out of my head

I decided i was going to do and be who i wanted to be, and any doctors who said i may not walk again, or who told me not to push my limits could go F!!! themselves.

Guess what, it worked out, My old job was depressing me so i ditched it, got a new better job, making more money, the old car was frustrating me, so i ditched it, got a new one, and thats been soooo much better.  And even managed to find a fiancee along the way!  Positivity leads to success, even for a busted up sap like me!

This mood of yours will either lead you nowhere, or possibly in a downward spiral....  Change it, man up, rely on yourself.  Even if you have to put your own foot up your ass to do it, get it done and quit wasting life.

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I didnt say you were a troll, please look up Poe's law. I said we wouldnt know regardless. 

Honestly OP, I dont want to dislike you, but if you have no desire to change or be hopeful then those arent good qualities. Nobody can help you but yourself

all youre doing is wallowing in self pity, seek MORE mental help therapy instead of resolving that "it didnt work"

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7 minutes ago, Xander Venterus said:

Soooo...

The problems you have, could be overcome, but thats something you have to want to do, coming here and pitty partying will not solve it.

And before anyone smarts back, i have some experience in these things.  I had a serious case of PTSD and it still comes back occasionally, but i choose to overcome, and not let it rule my mind, or my life!  Ive been shot, and ran over by a drunk driver, the latter of which put me in a crippled state for 8+ months, followed by 3 years of physical therapy just so i can walk "sort of" properly....   Were there times where i thought about giving up, yes, quite a few, especially when even Vicodin couldnt numb the pain of my crushed L2 vertebrae....  But i believe the drugs did actually make me more depressed and affected my psychology negatively in other ways too.

I never did give up tho.  I manned the fuck up, tossed the meds to clear my mind and keep it that way.  And i havent taken any more of those narcotics since.  Made a hell of a difference.  I found it was easier to deal with the pain, and keep the weird and bad thoughts the meds caused out of my head

I decided i was going to do and be who i wanted to be, and any doctors who said i may not walk again, or who told me not to push my limits could go F!!! themselves.

Guess what, it worked out, My old job was depressing me so i ditched it, got a new better job, making more money, the old car was frustrating me, so i ditched it, got a new one, and thats been soooo much better.  And even managed to find a fiancee along the way!  Positivity leads to success, even for a busted up sap like me!

This mood of yours will either lead you nowhere, or possibly in a downward spiral....  Change it, man up, rely on yourself.  Even if you have to put your own foot up your ass to do it, get it done and quit wasting life.

Holy hell, dude. Mad respect for your life right there

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1 minute ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Holy hell, dude. Mad respect for your life right there

All this and im only 28, and i plan to be around for a damn long time, the world doesnt know what to do with even 1 of me.

Thanks for the kind words @WolfNightV4X1 I still carry that bullet, got the xrays to prove it, it was to dangerous for them to remove it. It did no serious damage to vital things, but is very close to some of them....  So close doctors are worried of doing more damage trying to dig it outa me.

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On the off chance the OP isn't a troll....

Lots of people have been (or currently are) where you are, Ysodelicious.

It's not easy being part of a minority group--especially one that hasn't always been nice to you, or whose members you don't seem to share much in common with on the surface.

It's not easy being part of a group that is more vulnerable to particular forms of hardship, disease, or discrimination that other people just don't have to worry about.

It's not easy having preferences or feelings that go against the grain, seem irrational or dangerous, or are trickier than usual to satisfy. (Just ask any trans person who's walked the long, hard road of transition!)

Since you're gay, I reckon you'll ultimately have to discover what being gay means for you, and you alone, since you feel so out-of-sync with the general gay community. Part of this will involve discovering the common ground you share with gay men in general, the common ground you share with a rare few gays like you, and the things that are seemingly unique to you, and coming to terms with the places where you do overlap with other gays, and the places where you don't.

Fundamentally, being gay means that you have a sexual and/or romantic attraction to other biological males. How you define being gay from being there is largely up to you, and you can't let other people define that for you.

Edited by Troj
Too wordy.
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Just now, Mr. Fox said:

Maybe in real life being gay is an issue for you but in the furry fandom you should be happy as fuck.

Actually on this topic, most furries are gay to some degree so gay people must be disproportionately more likely to be furries. I wonder what proportion of gay people are furry. 

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3 minutes ago, Saxon said:

Actually on this topic, most furries are gay to some degree so gay people must be disproportionately more likely to be furries. I wonder what proportion of gay people are furry. 

The fandom has been polled several times on this, the results are on this page if you're curious.

http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Sexual_orientation#Sexual_orientation_and_furry

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4 minutes ago, Saxon said:

Actually on this topic, most furries are gay to some degree so gay people must be disproportionately more likely to be furries. I wonder what proportion of gay people are furry. 

It really makes you think. Out of all the people that attended that last con I was at I think I was like 1 out of 4 that was actually straight, and some weren't even furries. I wonder if they were gay or maybe even bi?

Guess we'll never know.

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