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My mom wants me to have a girlfriend, sooo bad.

DevilishlyHandsome49

By DevilishlyHandsome49,
in The Watercooler

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DevilishlyHandsome49 Newbie

DevilishlyHandsome49

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So I'm sure we've all had to deal with a relative of ours wondering when we'd we get a girlfriend or a boyfriend, at some point in our lives. I get the feeling my mom desperately wants me to have a girlfriend. She's always so conscious about how I look when I go out places, thinking certain clothes I wear make me look bummy (even though I think they look just fine on me).

She'll be like: "Don't you want girls to notice you?"

OR

"Girls aren't gonna like you looking like that" and so on. She always pulls the "girl card" with my looks. I always make up the response of "I'm more focused on my schoolwork" and that works everytime.

Now I made a thread on the old forums about how she knows nothing about my previous relationships I've had and the current one I'm in now and she thinks I don't talk to anyone during the day, etc.

So just now, she calls me from her job at a foster home for older teens, letting me know she'll be home by 12 tonight.

 Before she hangs up, she says "Oh by the way, I showed one of the girls here your picture and she said you looked very cute" I simply reply with an "Okay" and then ask her what pic was shown. Reception got bad, so I wasn't able to hear the answer.

After that, she says "Oh, I have you on speaker. The girl who said you were cute is right here" As if that wasn't awkward enough, my mom had to take care of something real quick and handed the phone to the girl instead of just hanging up. The girl sounded shy as hell talking to me and I was trying to play it off all cool, when really I just wanted to end the call. I was no mood to talk or have a conversation. She ended up hanging up cause she was too shy to say anything else. 

Seriously mom? -_-

 

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Vallium Newbie

Vallium

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pfft, moms.

well...I wish you luck on that one. My mom has pulled the "boys wont like you if you dont..." card before, and is still trying to get me to notice guys, or even set me up.

there was this one guy I was introduced to, he was an artist and really cool and stuff, but ultimately I viewed him as a friend. My mom and dad think he's match material and thinks just because we talked a bit it means I have interest.Im pretty sure they made it so that we met on purpose because they know we both did art stuff. Parents trying to set you up really sucks x3

Edited by WolfNightV4X1
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If you're in a position to, OP, you should proooobably let your mom know that's incredibly inappropriate. "Why are you so in my business? I can be happy by myself, mom, and I don't need you playing matchmaker."

If you can't, I guess its just keeping your head down until you're out of the house and far away from that. Eugh. How nosy. 

 

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Kalmor Newbie

Kalmor

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And now my mom just texted me the girl's pic...

Not interested!

Jesus, now that's just borderline creepy and obsessive. 

If you're in a position to, OP, you should proooobably let your mom know that's incredibly inappropriate. "Why are you so in my business? I can be happy by myself, mom, and I don't need you playing matchmaker."

If you can't, I guess its just keeping your head down until you're out of the house and far away from that. Eugh. How nosy. 

 

I did this once and they just claimed they were "joking" or something. 

They still do it. 

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Kaizan Newbie

Kaizan

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I feel this. My parents arent quite as severe, but anytime I get tagged on facebook in a photo with a girl, I get berated with questions about whether or not im interested or pursuing a relationship. Im just trying to get through college without failing or going crazy.

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Vallium Newbie

Vallium

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Why are parents so obsessed with this? ;^; What if I wanted to be asexual. I dont wanna date people sometimes and I most certainly not want my parents dictating who with what characteristics and what we're doing . I still wonder why people insist on dating as a super important deal...

 

 

Poor asexuals.I can imagine how hardit is to deal with that pressure if you have no interest in relationships at all. (This is a tangent, not referring to OP)

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Jesus, now that's just borderline creepy and obsessive. 

I did this once and they just claimed they were "joking" or something. 

They still do it. 

You might not have made a scene you should have. Like "I'm not. You're seriously disrespecting me by not respecting that I don't want to talk about this. Please stop. It's not funny, or cool, and I hate it."

I also need to add a disclaimer I enjoyed a healthy amount of no-bullshit communication because my mom treated me like her best friend instead of her kid. YMMV

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DevilishlyHandsome49 Newbie

DevilishlyHandsome49

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If you're in a position to, OP, you should proooobably let your mom know that's incredibly inappropriate. "Why are you so in my business? I can be happy by myself, mom, and I don't need you playing matchmaker."

If you can't, I guess its just keeping your head down until you're out of the house and far away from that. Eugh. How nosy. 

 

I wish I could be confrontational, but in the past, that just proves to be a big headache. If my talk with her got intense and I got frustrated and said things showing my frustration, she'd be like "Don't have an attitude with me" or "You better stop yelling at me" when she's the one doing most of the yelling and will talk over me.

She's just a bitch during an argument :/ so I don't even try to get into talks like that anymore.

And yes, she's very nosey. I mean normal questions about "Hey have you talked to so and so lately" tend to bug me, just cause I'm not one to talk about all the things my friends are doing unless its something big. She's also the kind of mom to throw in "jokes" like "You're aren't sexting, are you?" which just come off as more awkward than Haha funny

Tell your mom you'd rather be noticed by a guy in a 'murr'y-suit!

I should tell her I'm dating a hyena, see how she reacts :V

lol you think that's bad, wait till you're married.. not even a year and already I get literally everyone asking when I am going to have a child. Like.. no, never, stop asking.

Oh yikes, I forgot my Nana really wants grandchildren...oh she would never stop bugging me about that, I'm sure of it

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OP, write her a letter? She can't bitch about you yelling at her then. 

I think its very important to begin laying foundations of boundaries before you move out, however small. 

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MuttButt Newbie

MuttButt

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lol you think that's bad, wait till you're married.. not even a year and already I get literally everyone asking when I am going to have a child. Like.. no, never, stop asking.

I don't understand why everybody seems to believe that it's every couple's responsibility to pump out a baby asap, or there's something wrong with them. It's hella irresponsible, especially given all the issues with overpopulation and how many already homeless children there are.

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DevilishlyHandsome49 Newbie

DevilishlyHandsome49

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OP, write her a letter? She can't bitch about you yelling at her then. 

I think its very important to begin laying foundations of boundaries before you move out, however small. 

I've thought about it, but I have to be very careful about how I go about it. She hates lies and I've been lying for more than 3 years now, just to keep personal things about me, personal. 

I don't understand why everybody seems to believe that it's every couple's responsibility to pump out a baby asap, or there's something wrong with them. It's hella irresponsible, especially given all the issues with overpopulation and how many already homeless children there are.

Sometimes its about carrying down the family and keeping the bloodline going. Other times its just so the family can have another baby to coo over.

I used to think it was my responsibility to produce an offspring, but now, I could care less. I wouldn't mind having a kid but if I end up not having one, no big deal. 

Edited by DevilishlyHandsome49
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Luca Newbie

Luca

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My mom accepted I was gay right away, not that she was ever involved in what I was doing relationshipwise anyway. The only hassle I've ever gotten is "You know it's gonna be a real shame if you never get to be a parent, you know you could adopt when you find somebody..."

Sorry mom. Even if I could have kids, I never wanted to. Kids suck. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited by Luca
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MalletFace Newbie

MalletFace

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My mother used to bug me about getting a girlfriend. She was really irritated that I would hang out with a bunch of girls that would "scare off girls that like me" and that I never noticed when girls "flirted" with me.

Now she knows I'm gay, but it looks as though she might start bothering me about a boyfriend.

You just can't win.

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DevilishlyHandsome49 Newbie

DevilishlyHandsome49

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Trying to hook your child up with someone who is being sheltered by the foster home that you work at, and even texting her photo, is disgustingly inappropriate.  ...I even wonder if it might be illegal. o___________o

Nah, my mom wouldn't do anything thats illegal like that. I'm pretty sure the girl wanted me to see her pic, so my mom helped her out *shrugs*

 get a fake internet girlfriend.

I got me a fake internet boyfriend, he just wanted his parents to calm down, and I'm hella gay, so it's a nice cover for both of us. 

See, that would work, but then my mom would ask if I plan to visit them and then bug me about it

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Vaer Newbie

Vaer

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Poor asexuals.I can imagine how hardit is to deal with that pressure if you have no interest in relationships at all. (This is a tangent, not referring to OP)

 

Oh my, you have no idea how awkward that can get when you're asexual :c

As an Asexual I don't see a problem here. You're not forced to sleep with them. I mean..the worst that could happen is you find an awesome new cake loving friend who can enjoy it with you! >w<

Anyway...I see this being more of a problem for Aromantic folks. People who don't like, or want, a relationship in general.

On Topic: Yeah...definitely not cool for people to be playing matchmaker for someone who is reluctant. Definitely find a way to tell your mother you're not interested.

 

Edited by Vaer
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Eggdodger Newbie

Eggdodger

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Oh damn, but then I gotta make sure she doesn't have a problem with long distance...

Your mom sounds desperate.

Um, your mom sounds desperate to get you a girlfriend, that is. I doubt she'll be too picky.

...Don't you have a boyfriend, though? This is weird. You should probably tell her as such if it's a real serious thing

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DevilishlyHandsome49 Newbie

DevilishlyHandsome49

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Well, turns out it was a big misunderstanding. The girl kept bugging my mom to talk to me so thats why I ended up talking to her on the phone. The girl also wanted me to see her pic, which is why my mom ended up sending the pic of her. Still, everything I said prior, about her being conscious on how I look, is still true

Your mom sounds desperate.

Um, your mom sounds desperate to get you a girlfriend, that is. I doubt she'll be too picky.

...Don't you have a boyfriend, though? This is weird. You should probably tell her as such if it's a real serious thing

I do have a boyfriend and my mom doesn't have a homophobic bone in her body, but I do know she'd ask a LOT of questions -_- questions that I wouldn't feel like answering. Plus, I honestly don't feel like its her business to know right now.

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Ginpanther Newbie

Ginpanther

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Well, turns out it was a big misunderstanding. The girl kept bugging my mom to talk to me so thats why I ended up talking to her on the phone. The girl also wanted me to see her pic, which is why my mom ended up sending the pic of her.

Yikes, wacky hi-jinks ensue. I'm glad you got a bit of the background behind all this and it turns out that your mom isn't the driving force in this particular incident. 

but I do know she'd ask a LOT of questions -_- questions that I wouldn't feel like answering. Plus, I honestly don't feel like its her business to know right now.

Take the momentary victory and move on with life. You know what you're willing to endure for questions and seem to have a good understanding of how it would affect your home life and relationship with her at the moment. And while you're absolutely right about your business being yours and not hers to know, do remember that parents generally want to make sure their children aren't heading into harms way and that is why they poke and pry. Put another way, "They mean well." So long as you manage it well, as it seems you have been doing, and don't hold it against her? Then things should be okay. It will be appropriate to discuss later.

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Zaraphayx Newbie

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Being so beta you can't just tell your parents you're gay/not interested is a quality I don't envy.

Everyone posting "WHY DO THEY CARE ANYWAY" - Because when your parents see you spending all your time online, not in a relationship (because you're hiding it from them), and not pursuing one they tend to grow concerned that you're squandering prime years of your life that most people use to date and figure out what you want in a partner.

No caring parent wants their child to grow up to be a 35 year old with an OKCupid profile and World of Warcraft subscription.

 

Edited by Zaraphayx
Cloudfare is shit :V
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Dr. Doggo Newbie

Dr. Doggo

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my parents were like that minus the giving encouragement part

"why dont you have a girlfriend yet"

"i dont know how"

"how can you not know how"

"because im not a normie like you dad rrreeeeee get out"

now by some mysterious happening I do have a splendid ladyfriend

still don't know how the hell that happened either I didn't even say anything

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DrDingo Newbie

DrDingo

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She always pulls the "girl card" with my looks. I always make up the response of "I'm more focused on my schoolwork" and that works everytime.

 

I don't know what's going on in her head, or why she thinks now is a good time, because when you finish school and go off to university or whatever you do, you'd just be separated for several years anyway.

Until you've finished school, relationships aren't worth the hassle. Say that you get a girlfriend at school and you split up. You're then stuck in the same school as them until the day you leave.

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Vallium Newbie

Vallium

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As an Asexual I don't see a problem here. You're not forced to sleep with them. I mean..the worst that could happen is you find an awesome new cake loving friend who can enjoy it with you! >w<
Anyway...I see this being more of a problem for Aromantic folks. People who don't like, or want, a relationship in general.

On Topic: Yeah...definitely not cool for people to be playing matchmaker for someone who is reluctant. Definitely find a way to tell your mother you're not interested.

 

Sorry, poor wording. Typically (not always) aromantic people do also classify as asexual (aro-ace) and I kind of lumped them together. My bad.

Regarding the "what if I choose to be asexual?" Post earlier which I can't quote because quoting on this forum is so broken...

You can't 'choose' to be asexual. Asexuals never want sex and it's ingrained in them, and it is incredibly rare.. You can choose to be celebate though.

Yes, that was me, sory. Again poor wording and I meant moreover "What if I was" rather than "What if I wanted to be" as that isnt the same thing. People do choose to be celibate, but I imagine its just much harder for those who dont have the inclination in them for pair bonding to have that pressed upon them a lot

(Multiquote sucks on here, too...and now it doesnt. )

Edited by WolfNightV4X1
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Eggdodger Newbie

Eggdodger

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I do have a boyfriend and my mom doesn't have a homophobic bone in her body, but I do know she'd ask a LOT of questions -_- questions that I wouldn't feel like answering. Plus, I honestly don't feel like its her business to know right now.

Well, I gave you a solution. That's all I can really say if you still want to hide it next time she brings up all the hot singles in your area.

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Conker Newbie

Conker

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Anyway...I see this being more of a problem for Aromantic folks. People who don't like, or want, a relationship in general.
 

 

It gets awkward sometimes, though both my parents have mostly stopped barking up that tree. My goto was usually, "I'm too busy for that shit" but now it's turned into a simple shrug.

It's my friends who still haven't gotten the hint, but oh well. One day they'll stop asking :P

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