Rant: Fitting In

[#00Buck]

Feeling a little upset today about not fitting in.

Okay so you're weird, strange, and nobody understands you so you go looking for a place where hopefully you fit in.

Only to find that the other weird, strange, and misunderstood people don't understand you either. 

Right now I feel like the odd puzzle piece that doesn't fit anywhere. 

Does anyone here feel like they have people or a place where they fit in?

 

[Jerry]

I've been feeling that way since 1998

You'll get used to it.

[evan]

i think sometimes the attributes of friendship transcend literal traits. like im a pretty weird guy but i gravitate towards people who may be quite normal however have similar views on the world around us in a roundabout but similar way.

i can understand how you feel but in being around a few different types of social circles ive noticed the particular ways in which people become similar, and sometimes its not how we expect.

[Rassah]

Uh... Yeah. I'm an outcast among outcasts. I guess sometimes you just have to make your own place. Just don't go insane living in it.

[Enigma]

I've never really fit in or been a people person. One doesn't need approval from others or be part of a group. Be happy with yourself, reach out with confidence and people will come to you.

[Toshabi]

Its how I feel about this fandom really. I can't really "fit in" persay because I genuinely don't really fully grasp what the norm is. Most on this forum I total gel with, but outside of it? My sarcastic nature and responses just don't mesh with it. I'm often times found in the awkward circumstance of adding someone on Twitter and immediately experience a sensation of "WhatTheFuckLolThisGuyJustBitchesAndTalksAboutHisFetishAllDayJesusHelpMe". Meanwhile, I can see my other friends mingle about in this fandom picking out the cream of le croppe while I sort of just look at the surface and am only able to see the disgusting cum film at the top of this pond.

 

Actually its probably because I don't take/have the time to mingle more often than other people do. Life happens, but yeah, the fitting in thing is weird online, but not so weird offline. I can gel better offline cause seeing expressions and body movement (mmmmbaby) tells more than words. But online? I gotto post you some awkward as hell conversations I got on telegram sometime (Reason #159 why I changed my telegram name and refuse to post it publically)

[Strongbob]

Do you feel like a.... fish out of water?!?!   I'll let myself out.

But in all seriousness, fitting in is over-rated.  Don't ingratiate yourself onto others for the sake of being someone you are not.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

 

[Spot]

I don't have that problem because I don't really care. I'm just me, and I'm going to keep doing what it is I do, for better, or worse. 

[Azure]

I don't do the fitting in business, I just display my personality and people who enjoy it gravitate and people who don't will talk shit. Don't worry yourself over t.

[#00Buck]

I'm just tired of investing myself in relationships with people that seem so full of promise only to have some strange undercurrent of something that I'm totally not aware of rise up and wreck the whole thing. I keep trying over and over again to find people who I fit with. I know I don't fit with the normal average people. Trying to fit in with other weird people makes more sense but the overwhelming weirdness also makes finding someone you fit with difficult. 

But every once in a while something works and starts going well and then... Shit! Everything is fucked. Everything is confusing. Everything is complicated. 

I'm tired of it. If I went out tomorrow and bought a Toyota Camry and a some Dockers and seasons tickets to some kind of major league sports team and started BBQing in front of my house and talking with my neighbours about lawn care then I could slide right into the normal average lifestyle and "fit in" immediately and plaster a fake smile on my face. Boom! Done. But I don't want that. I'm too weird to maintain that kind of illusion. 

I've never fit in and I've been looking for people I fit with my entire life and it never works out. I don't know what is worse, the pain of not having anyone to talk to, or the pain of meeting someone and having your hopes smashed. It kind of makes me understand why some people walk around angry all the time. Maybe it's just easier to say "fuck it" and give up on people completely. 

1 hour ago, evan said:

i think sometimes the attributes of friendship transcend literal traits. like im a pretty weird guy but i gravitate towards people who may be quite normal however have similar views on the world around us in a roundabout but similar way.

i can understand how you feel but in being around a few different types of social circles ive noticed the particular ways in which people become similar, and sometimes its not how we expect.

I wish this was true in my life. 

[#00Buck]

1 hour ago, Rassah said:

Uh... Yeah. I'm an outcast among outcasts. I guess sometimes you just have to make your own place. Just don't go insane living in it.

I think I am actually in the same boat as you I'm just standing at port side and you're at the starboard side.

1 hour ago, Enigma said:

I've never really fit in or been a people person. One doesn't need approval from others or be part of a group. Be happy with yourself, reach out with confidence and people will come to you.

Me too but I think I've been not fitting in for way longer than you and it's starting to get tiresome. 

2 hours ago, Jerry said:

I've been feeling that way since 1998

You'll get used to it.

Been doing it longer than you. Still not used to it. I guess I'm just a low rep scum. 

[Enigma]

1 minute ago, #00Buck said:

Me too but I think I've been not fitting in for way longer than you and it's starting to get tiresome. 

What is it that you desire from fitting in? To be like everyone else? Friendship? Popularity?

[#00Buck]

Just now, Enigma said:

What is it that you desire from fitting in? To be like everyone else? Friendship? Popularity?

I can be surrounded by people and feel totally alone. I think I used to enjoy being alone or think that it was my place in life. In some ways it is. The things I have to do I mostly do alone because I have to or because nobody else wants to. As time goes on I feel more and more alone and isolated. I guess you can add being loved, understood, and cared for to the list. I don't care about being popular and I know I'll never be like everyone else.

I just want to be like someone else. To have someone else out there who I match up with. Not everyone. A handful of people would do just fine. Yeah, friendship. Not click a button friendship but real friendship. 

[Lucyfish]

I guess I'm pathetic, but I suppose that's what Phoenix is for me. A lot of the people here feel like family to me.

I'm a sap lol

[#00Buck]

Just now, Lucyfish said:

I guess I'm pathetic, but I suppose that's what Phoenix is for me. A lot of the people here feel like family to me.

I'm a sap lol

That isn't pathetic. It's actually something really great. Yeah, it is sappy but I'm a sap too. 

[Lucyfish]

2 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

That isn't pathetic. It's actually something really great. Yeah, it is sappy but I'm a sap too. 

I always felt more at home in various online communities than I did when I was in California. Hell, the person I'm now living with (and probably gonna marry) was one of the first friends I ever made on FAF.

[Enigma]

Online relationships can be great. I met my boyfriend on old FAF and he's moving in with me next week. 

If you want a friend Buck, I'm here. I'll always extend a hand to others that need it. Skype me sometime if you like or PM me.

[#00Buck]

Just now, Lucyfish said:

I always felt more at home in various online communities than I did when I was in California. Hell, the person I'm living with (and probably gonna marry) was one of the first friends I ever made on FAF.

Well, I don't really feel "at home" here but I certainly share a lot of things I'd never say to my IRL "friends." I mean my "friends" are nice people and they mean well but deep down I know they are not really like me and if they ever had to choose a side they would side against me. I have to let a lot of things slide in order to have a social life. If I called out everyone on things I disagreed with I'd be totally alone. 

I think one of my problems is I don't stop digging. I find someone I like and so we talk and talk and keep talking and I just dig deeper and deeper until we both unearth something that wrecks the whole friendship. Maybe if I stopped digging I'd have more friends. But I always want MORE of everything. At the very least I've met some nice people from the forum who I can go out to lunch with or eat cakes and play boardgames with and that's pretty good. 

Still I feel like I'm missing out on a lot and I don't know if it's my fault or just a symptom of who I am. 

1 minute ago, Enigma said:

Online relationships can be great. I met my boyfriend on old FAF and he's moving in with me next week. 

If you want a friend Buck, I'm here. I'll always extend a hand to others that need it. Skype me sometime if you like or PM me.

Thanks - that's super sweet. I also have to thank everyone who responds when I ask for a hug. I know it seems silly but it really does help and change my mood for the better. It is nice that someone shows that they care. 

[Lucyfish]

If there's anything I've learned, there's always at least one friend out there for anybody.

Even Hitler and Stalin had people who legitimately liked them. You'll find the people who really matter to you, sometime.

[Onnes]

6 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

I think one of my problems is I don't stop digging. I find someone I like and so we talk and talk and keep talking and I just dig deeper and deeper until we both unearth something that wrecks the whole friendship. Maybe if I stopped digging I'd have more friends. But I always want MORE of everything. ...

Is this due to you learning things about them, or them learning things about you?

[MissFleece]

I think the main problem here is that people try to find a person they fit 100% with. But no one will ever understand you 100% of the time. Everyone has differing opinions and argue occasionally. The only thing you can really do is take that into consideration and decide if that specific argument is enough to stop being friends with them.

For me, I like to debate a lot and it took me a very long time to find a happy medium of "RAR HERE IS MY OPINION LISTEN TO IT" and "I guess it doesn't really matter and I should keep my mouth shut"

But once I worked on myself more and became less antagonizing (Not saying less mean, lol) I found people who enjoyed the same jokes I did and actually seek out my company. 

Another tip from me would be to not put more effort into people than you're getting out. I used to try up and down and people please, only for it to backfire and I would end up hurt. YOU come first. Always. You have to take care of yourself and YOUR well being first, because you have to assume that no one is going to. Eat that last piece of pizza that no one else wants instead of leaving it "just in case someone else is more hungry", when you're sick of someone, just go home. Don't punish yourself. 

When we talked, although it was a short period, you seemed like a very sincere and caring individual. Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. 

[Aouzy]

There's someone for everyone. (Or in a way you can understand, there's plenty of fish in the sea) You just have to find someone like you, who you can get along with. Think of something you really like and find people who view it the same way as you.

 

[#00Buck]

2 minutes ago, Onnes said:

Is this due to you learning things about them, or them learning things about you?

Both. 

People like to tell me things. It's always been a part of who I am. Complete strangers can sit down next to me and the next thing you know we're having a conversation and they start to tell me something they've never told anyone before. So I listen carefully and pay attention to what they say. Over time we have more conversations and I keep listening, I start to care, and I look deep into their eyes. 

Then there's that moment. When they share something big or dark or heavy and you see it in their eyes. Maybe they even start to cry and tears stream down their face. In that moment I can't tell them that I don't want to hear what they have to say. That things have gone too far and I don't want to share anymore. At that moment I really want to hear what they have to say and they really want to say it. 

So there's crying and hugging and hand holding and maybe I start to cry too. Then they try to kiss me or regret telling me their secrets or something comes up from their past that they can't control emotionally. That's when everything falls apart. I can't really control when these moments take place. When I meet someone and we start to talk I can tell that if we continue to speak that a moment like this will be inevitable. I've had both women and men try to kiss me even in front of their girlfriends, boyfriends, or wives. Those situations tend to blow up really quickly. 

I can choose to avoid these people which leads to feeling alone. Which leads to feeling sad and lonesome. Which leads to me heading out of the house to try and meet people exactly like this. Which leads to problems and disappointment. I honestly love the feeling of an intense conversation. I know my body and brain release a whole bunch of chemicals that make me feel good. Sometimes I can even think of a conversation I had with someone the previous evening and my body feels like it is covered in a soft warm blanket. 

The time I spend alone feels cold and empty. Plus they do learn that I'm selfish and not very good to myself. Which really aren't very attractive qualities to have in a friend. 

[Fantasma]

@#00Buck

It sounds like you are a lovely person with a great deal of empathy, it is a beautiful flower but you just can't keep it in the shade.

[#00Buck]

24 minutes ago, MissFleece said:

I think the main problem here is that people try to find a person they fit 100% with. But no one will ever understand you 100% of the time. Everyone has differing opinions and argue occasionally. The only thing you can really do is take that into consideration and decide if that specific argument is enough to stop being friends with them.

For me, I like to debate a lot and it took me a very long time to find a happy medium of "RAR HERE IS MY OPINION LISTEN TO IT" and "I guess it doesn't really matter and I should keep my mouth shut"

But once I worked on myself more and became less antagonizing (Not saying less mean, lol) I found people who enjoyed the same jokes I did and actually seek out my company. 

Another tip from me would be to not put more effort into people than you're getting out. I used to try up and down and people please, only for it to backfire and I would end up hurt. YOU come first. Always. You have to take care of yourself and YOUR well being first, because you have to assume that no one is going to. Eat that last piece of pizza that no one else wants instead of leaving it "just in case someone else is more hungry", when you're sick of someone, just go home. Don't punish yourself. 

When we talked, although it was a short period, you seemed like a very sincere and caring individual. Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm. 

I used to do this all the time. I wanted to be loved so badly that I would throw my love at anyone who would accept it. In the end a lot of people who I dated were like a bottomless pit for love. I would keep pouring love into them and it was never enough and their needs were never satisfied. They were like a black hole that nothing could escape from. I still have a problem with putting other people first. I know I should not do it but I have done it for so long it is a hard habit to break. 

I also enjoyed our conversations and I still remember and value them. Thanks for talking. Yeah. I'll try not to catch on fire. 

[Strongbob]

5 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

The time I spend alone feels cold and empty. Plus they do learn that I'm selfish and not very good to myself. Which really aren't very attractive qualities to have in a friend. 

 

There's an old fish saying, it's better to be selfish than shellfish.   *someone make me stop*

Face it Buck, the problem is that you are a nice guy, and nice guys always get the short end of the stick.  You can't always be everything for everyone.  Being selfish is the only thing that keeps us sane sometimes.  Everyone likes a nice guy, but you don't get much respect for your troubles.  Are you can counselor?  I sounds like you'd make a great one.  

[Jerry]

37 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Been doing it longer than you. Still not used to it. I guess I'm just a low rep scum. 

Then just do something about it! Jeez... :V

But jokes aside, as a guy who got to know people's true colours when it comes to friendships, I can tell you that real friends are few and far between. At best I was an acquaintance, Nobody gave a fuck if I wasn't there. Otherwise people fiercely rejected me. It's no wonder I'm turning into a hermit today. But I still believe there are people worth getting to know out there. I'm bitter of society as a whole yet for some reason my faith is even more resistant than my bitterness.

Probably because a few people on this forum have opened up to me a little bit. That may not be much but to me it is..

 

[Dr. Doggo]

I share your pain OP.

I get on with people pretty well, like, I don't (usually) sperge out and weird people away, but I still find it hard to feel like I actually belong in a group. I'm not being an edgy loner type, but I really feel like I'm bumbling around when it comes to other folks. Wish I could better describe the feeling, or even point out what it is. I've probably consumed too much autism.

It's really weird to have bunches of people at my fingertips but still feel rather alone.

not really a helpful post, i'm not sure what advice to give you, but you're not alone in the way you feel and its nothing to feel super ashamed of or whatever

lets b frends

[Jtrekkie]

We don't always fit in completely, and that's ok. You don't need your friends to be the same as you, you don't even have to like everything about them. One of the cool things about friendships is that you both get a look into a world you don't know.

What's harder than finding a place to fit in is learning to be confident with yourself. But if you find a way to do that, being alone in a crowd isn't so bad- may be able to sneak into their world without letting go of your own. 

[#00Buck]

2 minutes ago, Strongbob said:

 

There's an old fish saying, it's better to be selfish than shellfish.   *someone make me stop*

Face it Buck, the problem is that you are a nice guy, and nice guys always get the short end of the stick.  You can't always be everything for everyone.  Being selfish is the only thing that keeps us sane sometimes.  Everyone likes a nice guy, but you don't get much respect for your troubles.  Are you can counselor?  I sounds like you'd make a great one.  

I'd be terrible. I'd date all my clients. It would be totally unprofessional and inappropriate. It would also probably be too much for me to take emotionally. I think you need a good sense of boundaries and detachment to do that kind of job. I'm terrible with boundaries to the point of avoiding anyone who has problems maintaining them. If you give me permission to do anything my first instinct is to do the most extreme things imaginable which is not really a healthy thing for two people who are getting to know each other. I think you were trying to complement me and thanks for that but it really isn't the job for me. 

4 minutes ago, Jerry said:

Then just do something about it! Jeez... :V

But jokes aside, as a guy who got to know people's true colours when it comes to friendships, I can tell you that real friends are few and far between. At best I was an acquaintance, Nobody gave a fuck if I wasn't there. Otherwise people fiercely rejected me. It's no wonder I'm turning into a hermit today. But I still believe there are people worth getting to know out there. I'm bitter of society as a whole yet for some reason my faith is even more resistant than my bitterness.

Probably because a few people on this forum have opened up to me a little bit. That may not be much but to me it is..

 

Turning into a hermit is what I am afraid of. I just wonder if that is the less painful option. 

2 minutes ago, Sir Gibby said:

I share your pain OP.

I get on with people pretty well, like, I don't (usually) sperge out and weird people away, but I still find it hard to feel like I actually belong in a group. I'm not being an edgy loner type, but I really feel like I'm bumbling around when it comes to other folks. Wish I could better describe the feeling, or even point out what it is. I've probably consumed too much autism.

It's really weird to have bunches of people at my fingertips but still feel rather alone.

lets b frends

K.

2 minutes ago, Jtrekkie said:

We don't always fit in completely, and that's ok. You don't need your friends to be the same as you, you don't even have to like everything about them. One of the cool things about friendships is that you both get a look into a world you don't know.

What's harder than finding a place to fit in is learning to be confident with yourself. But if you find a way to do that, being alone in a crowd isn't so bad- may be able to sneak into their world without letting go of your own. 

I don't like my world. I find everyone else's more interesting. It's like when I go to a restaurant. I never want to eat what I ordered when it shows up. I want to eat everyone else's food. 

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

I've always been an outcast. It sucks.

[#00Buck]

Just now, Sidewalk Surfboard said:

I've always been an outcast. It sucks.

That's why I'm on Team Sidewalk. 

Keep drawing and writing. 

[Jerry]

21 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Turning into a hermit is what I am afraid of. I just wonder if that is the less painful option.

Forcing yourself where you don't belong socially is certainly more painful.

That's most likely why I've been spending my days alone since I left high school.

[Rassah]

If you fit in, you're just going along with the crowd, not changing anything and being forgettable. If you stand out, and still try to fit yourself into the crowd, you'll force change, hopefully for the better, and people will remember you, even as "that guy." So stand out. Or something like that 

[Alexxx-Returns]

12 minutes ago, Rassah said:

If you fit in, you're just going along with the crowd, not changing anything and being forgettable. If you stand out, and still try to fit yourself into the crowd, you'll force change, hopefully for the better, and people will remember you, even as "that guy." So strange out. Or something like that 

My dad always told me something along those lines when I was s kid. Very dangerous thing to tell someone of that age who will basically do anything you say without question. He wanted me to be "better" than the mindless drones that make up the crowd, with thei selfies and Facebook and their makeup and all that jazz.

What I learned is that not fitting in is the path to a very lonely life. I think my dad is really disappointed that I've been sharing my whole vacation with Facebook and Snapchat and scoffs about it like he does, and scoffs whenever I make a decision based on good ol' young girl vanity, I think he's disappointed I turned out to be a mindless drone, but the only thing that matters to me is that I'm happy, and I can start to bond with people over the usual stuff, no matter how stupid, and I can try and fix some of the damage he's done by trying to raise me to be a miserable git like him.

So yeah, I think fitting in is very important sometimes. It needs to come from within though. When you feel yourself forcing yourself into a role or group, it's probably not meant to be. Like when I met my flatmates for last year, I spent the first week pretending to be part of a role or group I didn't belong in. They all turned out to be twats anyway so it all worked out for the best.

[LadyRadarEars]

Fitting in is overrated. I much prefer having friends who come to understand me not instinctually, but after ten or more years of knowing and interacting with me, thus becoming the family I never had.

Having a group to hide behind when bullies come calling was nice when I was younger, though, even if I didn't fit into any of the groups I tagged along with.

[Enigma]

10 minutes ago, Rassah said:

If you fit in, you're just going along with the crowd, not changing anything and being forgettable. If you stand out, and still try to fit yourself into the crowd, you'll force change, hopefully for the better, and people will remember you, even as "that guy." So strange out. Or something like that 

Fitting in doesn't null your personality and make you forgettable. And thinking you are the most special flower in a garden doesn't make change.

I think the message is. Be yourself. Just worded poorly.

[Feelwell]

I'm a loud, obnoxious, occasionally impulsive, foul-mouthed and if I'm quite honest whiny person, and I have found people I fit in with. Everyone fits in with someone.

Honestly though Buck, fitting in isn't what matters. It's remaining true to yourself and your values. Changing for other people, it doesn't work out. What good is it to fit in if you aren't you anymore? 

There are people out there you will get along with, and there are people out there you will not. You can't please everyone, you can't get along with everyone. You just gotta keep looking, cherish the ones you do fit in with, and don't forget who you are.

[Cingal]

I think I'm just unlikable and lacking in any appeal for anyone to be remotely interested in forming any sort of long term friendship with me.

 

I just kinda like hover around, people say "Hi" occasionally and I have nothing of value to really say back.

[Vallium]

Welcome to the outcast club, amigo

Im pretty sure if you got a bunch of outcasts together and squish the unfitted pieces together you get a haphazard whole or conglomerate where things are somehow together despite our differences, in a way.

 

You dont always fit in, but sometimes you dont fit out

[DrDingo]

The people in this thread saying they're lonely are all such cool users

Don't be lonely
You can talk to me or something
Be happy

 

[Enigma]

This thread is degrading fast. Full of "I'm an outcast", "I don't belong" and "no one understands me".

Furries don't belong anywhere. We knew this going in, but we are here for each other. Like a dysfunctional family.

[LadyRadarEars]

8 minutes ago, DrDingo said:

The people in this thread saying they're lonely are all such cool users

Don't be lonely
You can talk to me or something
Be happy

 

I have loads of friends :^3

I'll talk to you anyway tho dingo-daddy.

[Feelwell]

7 minutes ago, Enigma said:

This thread is degrading fast. Full of "I'm an outcast", "I don't belong" and "no one understands me".

Furries don't belong anywhere. We knew this going in, but we are here for each other. Like a dysfunctional family.

RESPECT MY UNIQUENESS.

But yea I mean being furries we're all terrible people. 

[FlynnCoyote]

After tension with a friend couple years ago, I decided I was going to make real conscious effort to curb the abrasive side of my own personality. So I was forcibly nicer to people, to him, and tried to be so in general. I had moments where I lapsed back into being aggressive and because I was deliberately repressing it, those episodes were just... so much worse than they needed to be. I'm pretty sure at least one of them happened here.

Anyway, point is I came to realize that compromising my own natural tendencies for the sake of others is a case of doing the right thing for entirely the wrong reasons and as such the payoff never really comes about the way you hoped.

I have maybe... three people that I'd call actual friends. Meaning these three people have seen me at my absolute worst, they've been on the receiving end of abuse from me, and gods I don't think I can ever really convey how bad I feel after each time I lose it around them. It has thankfully become much rarer since I stopped trying to force my temper down and I just let out a smaller rant whenever it needs to happen. Point is, they're still around while maybe a dozen others I've called acquaintances over the years are not. There's a certain point I wait for before I let myself be emotionally invested in people anymore, and for the most part I just don't really get there with anyone.

[Luca]

I'm going to be different here and say that I do feel like I have places I fit in now. Since about a year ago I had to basically rebuild my life from the ground up. I grew up a lot and in process learned how to connect with people better. I don't fit in everywhere, I don't think you ever really will. Hell I still don't fit in on these forums, I do with some people from here but not with the majority. I fit in with my friends now, I fit in with a few communities online and I fit in with my job very well. It's a really good feeling and I wish I could explain what I'm doing, but it feels natural now...

[Alexxx-Returns]

I think I fit in here. I like to think so anyhow.

So it's you guys' fault I feel so welcome and at home here, and you're stuck with me now =P

[Toboe]

6 minutes ago, Alexxx-Returns said:

I think I fit in here. I like to think so anyhow.

So it's you guys' fault I feel so welcome and at home here, and you're stuck with me now =P

God dangit! Where do we store the Srgl repellant again? :V

[LadyRadarEars]

23 minutes ago, Toboe said:

God dangit! Where do we store the Srgl repellant again? :V

I'm sorry I ateds all of it :<

It tasted like shoes.

[Osrik]

I think the only time that I really felt I truly fit in somewhere was with my group of friends in college, but that group imploded over a year ago when it turned out most of those people were not who i thought they were.

In almost all other instances, I have never really felt that i have fully fit in with any other group of people, despite initially having common interests or personalities. I either find that I am actually "too weird" for a group beyond whatever the initial interest or hobby which brought us together was or I quickly manage to alienate part or all of the group with something I say or do. I usually end up being treated as a secondary friend in the group; tolerated for whatever interest or activity the group centers around, but kept at arms length for most everything else (this seems to be the case with my current board gaming group, who besides playing games, go out of their ways to show they are "normal" guys).

At this point, I don't really expect to find somewhere that I really feel I fit in, I always feel that i have to put on some level of facade to have any hope of being accepted. However, I still have one of my friends from the college group who generally understands me as we have a lot of the same problems and similar personalities, so we have been able to help each other in the past.