Rant: People Pointing Out Self Harm Scars

[MissFleece]

So once when I was 14, I "tried to commit suicide" with a tiny ass two inch long knife, leaving some lengthwise scars down my arm. They kind of look like veins now, it's kind of hard to notice. 

Anyway, I kind of talk with my hands a lot, and I was talking with this guy and his girlfriend. Mid conversation, he grabs my arm, turns it scar side up, and asks VERY LOUDLY

"WHAT ARE THESE FROM!?"

WHAT DO YOU THINK, ASSHAT. 

If you see scars, don't point them out

If you see scars, don't point them out

If you see scars, DON'T POINT THEM THE FUCK OUT.

IT'S RUDE

ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE

IF THEY WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT THE SCARS WERE FROM, THEY'D TELL YOU. 

[Mikazuki Marazhu]

It's already rude enough that he grabs your hand like that.

[Kaedal]

You know, you could probably have punched him in the face and gotten away with self-defense on that one. You don't grab someones arm. It would also have let you reply, "By people doing that, prick."

[DevilishlyHandsome49]

You shoulda turned the tables on him, by pulling out a small knife and saying "Wanna know how I got these scars?"

[Kalmor]

It's already rude enough that he grabs your hand like that.

As someone that absolutely hates anyone touching me unless you're a good friend or more, this so much. I need my personal space.

[Vallium]

Oh oops :< Sometimes I ask things because I'm interested in the story behind them, cuz like what if you fight of a rabid bear and lived?

I tend do stupid things I learn from sometimes. Kinda like comparing someones character to an existing character which is insulting to an artist.

Ahem well...thanks for the PSA, I'll be less of a dickhead.

[Alexxx-Returns]

Ehh, personally I'd prefer people to ask about mine so it can just be gotten out in the open and people don't have to wonder what the hell went on. I have about 42 and they're almost all extremely obvious and all along both arms (it was only AFTER I stopped that I met someone at uni who taught me that you could do them so as to hide them) so there's REALLY no avoiding it.

So now I'm in a brand new place, meeting tons and tons of new people and they're probably all wondering what the fuck is/was wrong with me and being too polite to ask or some shit. I'd rather they did because I'd rather show I'm able to talk about it and show I've moved on from it all.

Edited October 12, 2015 by Alexxx-Returns

[Vae]

    Mid conversation, he grabs my arm, turns it scar side up, and asks VERY LOUDLY

"WHAT ARE THESE FROM!?"

"FROM LIVING WITH HAVING TO SEE YOUR STUPID FUCKING FACE, ASSHAT."

No, seriously, that's not cool.
Like who thinks it's appropriate to just grab someone randomly and do that?

Should have punched him, told him it was from some asshole touching you without your permission, and made him feel like shit.
 

[Kaedal]

Oh oops :< Sometimes I ask things because I'm interested in the story behind them, cuz like what if you fight of a rabid bear and lived?

I tend do stupid things I learn from sometimes. Kinda like comparing someones character to an existing character which is insulting to an artist.

Ahem well...thanks for the PSA, I'll be less of a dickhead.

I think the issue is that the dickhead did it loudly, forcefully and without a regard for the privacy those scars might demand. Some might be fine with you asking, but you gotta take the temperature of the room first, y'know? Don't just burst into a room and scream "EVERYBODY WHIP YOUR DICKS OUT! IT'S MEASUREMENT TIME!". At least get people drunk first.

[Dr. Doggo]

 Don't just burst into a room and scream "EVERYBODY WHIP YOUR DICKS OUT! IT'S MEASUREMENT TIME!".

fuck you i do what i want

[Alexxx-Returns]

Don't just burst into a room and scream "EVERYBODY WHIP YOUR DICKS OUT! IT'S MEASUREMENT TIME!". At least get people drunk first.

I get my nipple piercings out when I'm drunk. It's just as good.

[Irreverent]

Oh oops :< Sometimes I ask things because I'm interested in the story behind them, cuz like what if you fight of a rabid bear and lived?

I tend do stupid things I learn from sometimes. Kinda like comparing someones character to an existing character which is insulting to an artist.

Ahem well...thanks for the PSA, I'll be less of a dickhead.

Heh.  You and I have more in common than we'd both probably like to admit.  There's a certain sense of "Hold my beer and watch this!" that I enjoy.  The swapping of stories is a bond between the story teller, the tale, and the listener.  Its not to be treated lightly.  This scar?  Flipped my Jeep YJ.  That scar?  A hot load in 6.55x55 that should have gone transonic to 1,000y ards.  That other scar?  Bad landing in IFR that should I should have TOGO'd  (drunks, Otters and Ships named Enterprise)   This mark here?  My mate was pregnant and I was too slow to duck!  And yes, she DID look fat in that dress...

That said, Ms. Fleece,  I appreciate that some may not want to tell the tale.  Stories can be private, there's no obligation to tell the sordid details of lessons learned the hard way. But never....ever, be embarased by a scar.  Wear them with pride.  Accidental or self inflicted, they are the badges of the living.

[MissFleece]

Heh.  You and I have more in common than we'd both probably like to admit.  There's a certain sense of "Hold my beer and watch this!" that I enjoy.  The swapping of stories is a bond between the story teller, the tale, and the listener.  Its not to be treated lightly.  This scar?  Flipped my Jeep YJ.  That scar?  A hot load in 6.55x55 that should have gone transonic to 1,000y ards.  That other scar?  Bad landing in IFR that should I should have TOGO'd  (drunks, Otters and Ships named Enterprise)   This mark here?  My mate was pregnant and I was too slow to duck!  And yes, she DID look fat in that dress...

That said, Ms. Fleece,  I appreciate that some may not want to tell the tale.  Stories can be private, there's no obligation to tell the sordid details of lessons learned the hard way. But never....ever, be embarased by a scar.  Wear them with pride.  Accidental or self inflicted, they are the badges of the living.

Thing is, this is the second time I have ever talked to this guy, and the last, if I'm lucky. 

And it was kind of obvious that he was trying to shame me publicly, all he did was make himself look like an ass. He did it in the middle of the college cafeteria, so I just kind of excused myself from the conversation and left. 

If it was a friend, and they had asked politely, I would have shared with no problem. 

I just rather not tell the public that story, since it's kind of when all the adult stuff from the world hit me full force and it's kinda angsty. 

 

Oh oops :< Sometimes I ask things because I'm interested in the story behind them, cuz like what if you fight of a rabid bear and lived?

I tend do stupid things I learn from sometimes. Kinda like comparing someones character to an existing character which is insulting to an artist.

Ahem well...thanks for the PSA, I'll be less of a dickhead.

I learned the hard way when I asked my friend how she got her scars.

Her mom tried to kill her when she was 8. 

Awwwkward. 

but nah, don't worry about it. It was more along the lines of: if you see obvious self harm scars, don't point them out in front of other people. 

[Kaizy]

People do this??

What the fuck, I wasn't aware some people could be that devoid of tact.

[Kaedal]

I learned the hard way when I asked my friend how she got her scars.

Her mom tried to kill her when she was 8. 

Awwwkward. 

but nah, don't worry about it. It was more along the lines of: if you see obvious self harm scars, don't point them out in front of other people. 

I bet that made Christmas a bit awkward.

And yeah, I try to be very tactful if someone I know has obvious scars or something. I'll make sure they're okay, and then I'll prephrase by first asking if they mind a personal question. If they do, I drop it right then and there and just go on talking about something else.

[Sidewalk Surfboard]

If people did that to me I would feel like shit. Scars are the past, not the present. Don't bring up the past.

[Umbra.Exe]

I do get curious about people's scars, but I never ask about them unless we're pretty close friends (and sometimes not even then).
I figure if they don't say anything about them on their own, they may not want to talk about it.
I was wondering about some scars on a classmate of mine's face, but I wasn't good enough friends with him to ask him about it. Eventually he told the class, during one of his presentations, that he was attacked by a mountain lion when he was a kid. I'm kind of glad I didn't ask him about it myself.

[Ratmomma]

So once when I was 14, I "tried to commit suicide" with a tiny ass two inch long knife, leaving some lengthwise scars down my arm. They kind of look like veins now, it's kind of hard to notice. 

Anyway, I kind of talk with my hands a lot, and I was talking with this guy and his girlfriend. Mid conversation, he grabs my arm, turns it scar side up, and asks VERY LOUDLY

"WHAT ARE THESE FROM!?"

WHAT DO YOU THINK, ASSHAT. 

If you see scars, don't point them out

If you see scars, don't point them out

If you see scars, DON'T POINT THEM THE FUCK OUT.

IT'S RUDE

ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE

IF THEY WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT THE SCARS WERE FROM, THEY'D TELL YOU. 

The first time I tried to commit suicide, I was about 6-7yrs old:my child brain thought a hanger would asphyxiate me.

I've got some decent sized SH scars on my left arm, none of which have ever received traditional stitches (one received medical glue, and that was only because my friend forced me to go to the ER and I find it was incredibly stupid of the doctor to do because at least with traditional stitches you're less liable to rip them out, unlike glue which mimics a scab). I've not often had people point them out, and if someone does, I just flat out lie 9/10 times and say it was from an accident. I only really get self conscious about the scars when I'm cold, because they turn purple. Otherwise I stopped giving a fuck many years ago.

[#00Buck]

To be safe just don't comment on anything ever.

[Wolflich]

I used to have scars like that. From a pet rabbit. I used to subtly show them off to fuck with people in highschool, but after a while most of the marks disappeared and the few still visible are tiny skinny white lines now.

Nobody ever grabbed me though. I think that guy either doesn't get punched in the face enough to understand boundaries or figured you were too tiny.

[Vallium]

To be safe just don't comment on anything ever.

Haha, unfortunately this is true and why I have social anxiety
hy

[MissFleece]

I used to have scars like that. From a pet rabbit. I used to subtly show them off to fuck with people in highschool, but after a while most of the marks disappeared and the few still visible are tiny skinny white lines now.

Nobody ever grabbed me though. I think that guy either doesn't get punched in the face enough to understand boundaries or figured you were too tiny.

I'm 5 foot and 120lbs. I am tiny. 

[Phausk]

That's why when I would cut(I don't anymore), I would do it on my upper arm so it's not really noticeable unless I like, have my shirt off or something. What he did sounds like maybe he was concerned about you, but what you later specified has made me recant that thought.

Sorry you had to experience that. D:

Edited October 13, 2015 by Phausk

[Ratmomma]

I used to have scars like that. From a pet rabbit. I used to subtly show them off to fuck with people in highschool, but after a while most of the marks disappeared and the few still visible are tiny skinny white lines now.

Nobody ever grabbed me though. I think that guy either doesn't get punched in the face enough to understand boundaries or figured you were too tiny.

I have a good handful of those from my ratties, and when I look at them I just smile, because I think of my babies  The worst boo boo I've gotten from one of my ratties was when I was a new rattie owner, and the very first rat I rescued...she had surgery to remove a breast lump, and like an idiot I placed her back in the cage with her sisters so they could she was okay, but they were a little too interested. I put my hand in to take her out, and CHOMP, she bit into my pinky finger. I ended up with 3 stitches, but I never blamed her, and I still don't. It was my fault, after all >.< I didn't get mad at her at all. I actually just giggled when I got home and said to her, "Well, Maxxie, we match now! You have stitches and I have stitches!"

I've got a pretty interesting scar on my pinky finger now....THEN AGAIN SO WAS HAVING A PAIR OF TEETH ON MY BONE :'D Ah well, she was a beautiful little girl. She was so scared and aggressive when I rescued her (I have no idea what kind of abuse she endured, but she clearly had little human interaction aside from negative ones), and she blossomed into this amazing little girl with so much love <3

[KyryK]

Shit like that is why i wear long sleeve shirts anywhere public. Of course given the extent of the scarring on my right arm no one would have to ask how i got them and i'm sure the only attention they would draw would be negative. If someone ever did that to me i'd most likely swing for them. I'm actually proud of my scars and what i went through to get them, essentially they represent my childhood and serve as a reminder to live, so if someone tried to mock me for having them it wouldn't end well.

[Spawtsie Paws]

Wow...assault and battery much, Mr. Boyfriend? And I worry about his girlfriend if he casually grabs someone's arm like that and points out sensitive issues...

 

Well, sorry to hear that you had an invasion of privacy. I too have a similar scar and would have been absolutely mortified if someone did that to me.

[Luka]

^ Assault and battery? You're joking, right?

There was no way he could have known those were from self-harm. Don't be so harsh on him.

Edited October 13, 2015 by Luka

[MissFleece]

^ Assault and battery? You're joking, right?

There was no way he could have known those were from self-harm. Don't be so harsh on him.

he means it might insinuate that the boyfriend is abusive if he is so forceful to strangers. 

[Luka]

He comes off as tactless, not abusive.

[Kaedal]

^ Assault and battery? You're joking, right?

There was no way he could have known those were from self-harm. Don't be so harsh on him.

If you grab someone's arm, it can be interpreted as battery. It's certainly enough to warrant defense. If some stranger grabs my arm, I don't think I'll hesitate to give him a blind date with my fist.

[Luka]

If you grab someone's arm, it can be interpreted as battery. It's certainly enough to warrant defense. If some stranger grabs my arm, I don't think I'll hesitate to give him a blind date with my fist.

You'd punch a man accompanied by his girlfriend in retalliation for grabbing your arm to ask a question? What do you think he'd do, beat you up in a public space in broad daylight?  I'd be more concerned about you than the man.

[Kaedal]

You'd punch a man accompanied by his girlfriend in retalliation for grabbing your arm to ask a question? What do you think he'd do, beat you up in a public space in broad daylight?  I'd be more concerned about you than the man.

It's a bit of an overreaction, sure, but the fact is that he shows a complete and total absence of respect for other people if he grabs your arm and twists it around just to sate his own curiosity. I'm not a violent person at all. I'd avoid confrontation at any cost, but grabbing someone by the arm is an extremely invasive move because you're directly restricting their movements.

So no, I wouldn't punch a man, regardless of his relationship status. I would, however, feel fairly tempted to call him out on his lack of social capability.

Edited October 14, 2015 by Kaedal

[Spawtsie Paws]

^ Assault and battery? You're joking, right?

There was no way he could have known those were from self-harm. Don't be so harsh on him.

No, I am not. You touch someone without their permission, it is easily battery in the eyes of the law. And from reading OP's original post, it does seem like he assumed those were from self harm. I cannot say much of anything thing because I was not there and there isn't any other information to go off of. His reaction does seem like an overreaction and some people react the same way to such mannerisms. If he is willing to do this with strangers, it is possible that he is more confident in private with his girlfriend.

Edited October 14, 2015 by Spawtsie Paws

[Clove Darkwave]

Practice becoming an excellent liar and tell the most ridiculous story you can imagine, that's the only way I can think of turning it positive. Otherwise, what Irreverent said. I have a few myself, some from stupidity on my own part and some from the harmful choices of others.

You can't prove you don't die when you fall asleep, but those yet remain and so do their memories.

[Toshabi]

How come you didn't just make out with him? If he was within arm's reach, you should've thrusted your tongue into his mouth and enjoy some sloppy tonsil hockey that'd be mere prelude to a b-movie, though holliwood-esque, scene of naughty burning hot passionate passion.

 

And best of all you wouldn't need to bold your letters. And it would've resulted in a rave.

Edited October 14, 2015 by Toshabi

[ChaosCalix]

Ehh, personally I'd prefer people to ask about mine so it can just be gotten out in the open and people don't have to wonder what the hell went on. I have about 42 and they're almost all extremely obvious and all along both arms (it was only AFTER I stopped that I met someone at uni who taught me that you could do them so as to hide them) so there's REALLY no avoiding it.

So now I'm in a brand new place, meeting tons and tons of new people and they're probably all wondering what the fuck is/was wrong with me and being too polite to ask or some shit. I'd rather they did because I'd rather show I'm able to talk about it and show I've moved on from it all.

I agree with you (And MissFleece). I'm glad my scars are either well hidden or faded/impossible to see casually/at all, now, so I don't need to deal with this shit... But if they WERE easily visible without carefully examining me, I'd rather it just be out there. Over and done with, stop judging me, here's the facts.

That said.... There is a time, a place, and a way to ask these things. And what he did meets none of those criteria.

You'd punch a man accompanied by his girlfriend in retalliation for grabbing your arm to ask a question? What do you think he'd do, beat you up in a public space in broad daylight?  I'd be more concerned about you than the man.

I would punch him without a second thought. To beat a dead horse, people grabbing me without permission gives me an anxiety attack, and when I panic, I pretty much always choose Fight over Flight. Don't grab people without permission. It's that fucking simple.

Edited October 14, 2015 by ChaosCalix

[Zeitzbach]

It's like everyone has self-control issue with not knowing what to do in public so they retaliate with a punch in the face every time something happens.

Because common sense will have you ask "Can you let go of me?" first and not just go "PUNCH HIM CAUSE IT'S NOW BATTERY SO YOUR REMOTE CONTROL WILL WORK."

But then again, westerners will probably do some random high school shooting the moment someone disagrees with them.

Edited October 16, 2015 by Zeitzbach

[Sarcastic Coffeecup]

Personally I will ask about a scar if it interests me to hear the story behind it. I don't see an issue with talking about them.

I have some, and I don't mind if someone points it out, not that anyone except my brother has.

The issue I see with OP's case is how the guy behaved, yelling and grabbing.

[Troj]

I'm easygoing about my own physical quirks and deformities, so I also tend to be pretty easygoing about other people's. Of course, I try to be mindful of the fact that some people are sensitive about injuries, scars, deformities, and the like, so I remind myself not to probe, prod, comment on, or joke with the person about these things unless they've signaled that it's OK.

Grabbing someone and going HEY WHAT'S THIS is obnoxious. What is that guy, five?

Getting up and leaving was a very good and valid response, Fleece. If he's trying to get attention, then the best approach is to deny him that which he desires.

Me, I would've seriously considered looking him right in the eye and telling him, "Oh, that's when I tried to kill myself as a teenager," and then let that sit in the air for a bit. People who ask intrusive questions need to be taught not to do that, one way or another.

Edited October 16, 2015 by Troj

[Vallium]

How come you didn't just make out with him? If he was within arm's reach, you should've thrusted your tongue into his mouth and enjoy some sloppy tonsil hockey that'd be mere prelude to a b-movie, though holliwood-esque, scene of naughty burning hot passionate passion.

 

And best of all you wouldn't need to bold your letters. And it would've resulted in a rave.

Becausee OP is a gay ass motherfucker

[Toshabi]

Becausee OP is a gay ass motherfucker

She's a closet straight.

[AshleyAshes]

She's a closet straight.

Don't worry, a lot of Christians and other conservatives feel that sexuality can be controlled and altered, thusly finally bringing us a cure to heterosexuality.

[Toshabi]

Don't worry, a lot of Christians and other conservatives feel that sexuality can be controlled and altered, thusly finally bringing us a cure to heterosexuality.

Okay. 

 

That's great. But I'm talking about OP having sex with the guy that grabbed her arm.