Confessions Thread 2: The Revengening

[Fantasma]

39 minutes ago, MissFleece said:

I feel worn out. Like I'm about to give up and I'm scared. 

I keep having nightmares about this guy who did something bad to me a handful of years ago. One of my friends that was THERE, IN THE ROOM WHEN HE DID IT said they were all gunna go camping with him and another friend. I have the suspicion he's going to do the same to my friend but I can't say anything, because they obviously chose him over me, even though he never denied what he did. 

So here I am sitting with my thumbs up my add knowing full well that a shitty thing is going to happen to someone I like. And if nothing does happen, why me!? 

 

Damn, what kind of fool would go camping with such an awful person?

 

But.... don't give up, I know it's hard but things do get better given the appropriate time. Even truly gut wrenching things will, in time, pass.

[Zaraphayx]

38 minutes ago, MissFleece said:

I feel worn out. Like I'm about to give up and I'm scared. 

I keep having nightmares about this guy who did something bad to me a handful of years ago. One of my friends that was THERE, IN THE ROOM WHEN HE DID IT said they were all gunna go camping with him and another friend. I have the suspicion he's going to do the same to my friend but I can't say anything, because they obviously chose him over me, even though he never denied what he did. 

So here I am sitting with my thumbs up my add knowing full well that a shitty thing is going to happen to someone I like. And if nothing does happen, why me!? 

 

I started sleeping a lot better at night when I internalized the fact that no matter what I say or do, I can never make someone else's decisions for them. Sometimes people have to get hurt, oftentimes BADLY before they wise up and change their ways.

It sucks but you can't blame yourself over it.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

lol time to revive the dead

So I know a lot of people asked me to join Discord, like @LazerMaster5, @Feelwell the Rabbit, @Caledonian, and @Kosha, but the truth is... I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
The last time I joined a fourm group chat (on TeamSpeak) a few years ago, more than a few people called me out on being self-centred and being an extreme attention whore at times, and trying to change the topic. I realised that, but I didn't stop it for quite a bit, and then I just left because, in all honesty, I was mostly like that because I just simply couldn't catch up and be with the conversation. I didn't know how to respond to SO many things on there and it irritated and depressed me. I only do so well in my Skype group chats is because I have a history with pretty much everyone in there, while most of the people I believe are in the Discord chats I barely know and I'm scared they won't tolerate me and my brand of oddity.

tl;dr - Past experiences make it so I don't want to join Discord because I'm an annoying asshole.

[AleuLeLoup]

I dunno if it should be in unpopular opinion or here cuz it is kinda both but whatever I have more confessions than one:

Thoughts of suicide have increased exponentially for me the last week or so and I'm afraid of talking to people about it because they usually just give me the hotline number and tell me to call it and I actually really hate that. It's like passing off something you can't be arsed to handle and it makes me feel worse.

I use RX when referring to prescription because most of the time I can't spell the whole word without spell check.

I like listening to Black Eyed Peas and Pitbull. Also Taylor Swift. 

 

[MissFleece]

8 minutes ago, AleuLeLoup said:

I dunno if it should be in unpopular opinion or here cuz it is kinda both but whatever I have more confessions than one:

Thoughts of suicide have increased exponentially for me the last week or so and I'm afraid of talking to people about it because they usually just give me the hotline number and tell me to call it and I actually really hate that. It's like passing off something you can't be arsed to handle and it makes me feel worse.

It's not that they're not arsed to handle it, it's that they're not equipt to handle it and they're not willing to gamble with your life to find out. Depression lies. 

Please try to assume the best of people ^^

Think of it this way: if your friend had a broken leg and you theoretically knew how to set it, but there was a large chance you could do it wrong, wouldnt you take them to the ER instead?

The hotline is the emergency room for your brain, them telling you to call is because they care about you, they dont know how to treat you, but they know these people can. 

[AleuLeLoup]

31 minutes ago, MissFleece said:

It's not that they're not arsed to handle it, it's that they're not equipt to handle it and they're not willing to gamble with your life to find out. Depression lies. 

Please try to assume the best of people ^^

Think of it this way: if your friend had a broken leg and you theoretically knew how to set it, but there was a large chance you could do it wrong, wouldnt you take them to the ER instead?

The hotline is the emergency room for your brain, them telling you to call is because they care about you, they dont know how to treat you, but they know these people can. 

I used to assume the best of people and that bit me in the ass. So I have a total of three close irl friends as a result. Everyone else is kind of there. I also don't like phoning people I don't personally know. 

Depression isn't like a broken leg at all but if we're going to use that analogy then no I would not fix it but I would be moral support for when ambulatory services come and be there after the procedure. People like the familiar.   

[Kosha]

5 hours ago, FenrirDarkWolf said:

lol time to revive the dead

So I know a lot of people asked me to join Discord, like @LazerMaster5, @Feelwell the Rabbit, @Caledonian, and @Kosha, but the truth is... I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
The last time I joined a fourm group chat (on TeamSpeak) a few years ago, more than a few people called me out on being self-centred and being an extreme attention whore at times, and trying to change the topic. I realised that, but I didn't stop it for quite a bit, and then I just left because, in all honesty, I was mostly like that because I just simply couldn't catch up and be with the conversation. I didn't know how to respond to SO many things on there and it irritated and depressed me. I only do so well in my Skype group chats is because I have a history with pretty much everyone in there, while most of the people I believe are in the Discord chats I barely know and I'm scared they won't tolerate me and my brand of oddity.

tl;dr - Past experiences make it so I don't want to join Discord because I'm an annoying asshole.

You've probably changed since that experience so maybe try it again some time.

[MissFleece]

11 minutes ago, AleuLeLoup said:

 

Mental illnesses are also stressful for the people listening to them. I've made sure to be careful about venting about dark things too much, it exhausts people. I make sure they want to listen in the first place, and 9/10 they dont. But that doesnt mean they dont care about me, they need to take care of their wellbeing too.

When I have no one that I want to burden with my thoughts, I write them all down in gorey detail, and then I can finally move on from them. I'd be horrified if someone ever found one of my vent journals, that's not ME, it's just a product of an illness, and people just dont understand. 

I know it's different for each person, and it's hard to want to get better when you're depressed, but if you wanna talk my inbox is open ^^ 

[FenrirDarkWolf]

17 minutes ago, Kosha said:

You've probably changed since that experience so maybe try it again some time.

Maybe, but I know I still have the tendency to fall into that still sometimes, if not as bad and I'm much more receptive about being called out now.

I'll try one day

[Socketosis]

1 hour ago, MissFleece said:

When I have no one that I want to burden with my thoughts, I write them all down in gorey detail, and then I can finally move on from them. I'd be horrified if someone ever found one of my vent journals, that's not ME, it's just a product of an illness, and people just dont understand.

I did that a few times when I was younger. An awful experience in middle school made me learn to tear the paper to shreds and throw it in the garbage right after writing anything like that.

On 11/17/2016 at 0:18 AM, kazooie said:

i got sarcastic at a person on the internet today who unironically asked where Canada could fit all the refugees.

"Where is there left to put them? There's no space in our cities! The mountains?" -a+ geography expert 

canada is a pretty small place the last time i checked yeah

Did you know that there are more people in California than our entire country?

[DrDingo]

One of the things that really scares me is the idea that I might look back on my life with regret. 

That I might be an aging lonely adult who wishes he did things differently and went out of his way to experience more

I'm 18 and at uni, but I'm panicking because I don't know how to make best use of this "golden" time I have. People say they're the best years of your life, after all

Someday I should stop being such a nervous bum and get a girlfriend

[AleuLeLoup]

I have tons of regrets. Most of them were the choices I took to do things. Not from not doing them, because you always can do something when you're alive. So who is to say I won't do them yet?

 

And the best years of your life are what you make. Do you no matter your age and those will be the best years of your life.

[LazerMaster5]

On 1/16/2017 at 4:07 AM, FenrirDarkWolf said:

lol time to revive the dead

So I know a lot of people asked me to join Discord, like @LazerMaster5, @Feelwell the Rabbit, @Caledonian, and @Kosha, but the truth is... I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
The last time I joined a fourm group chat (on TeamSpeak) a few years ago, more than a few people called me out on being self-centred and being an extreme attention whore at times, and trying to change the topic. I realised that, but I didn't stop it for quite a bit, and then I just left because, in all honesty, I was mostly like that because I just simply couldn't catch up and be with the conversation. I didn't know how to respond to SO many things on there and it irritated and depressed me. I only do so well in my Skype group chats is because I have a history with pretty much everyone in there, while most of the people I believe are in the Discord chats I barely know and I'm scared they won't tolerate me and my brand of oddity.

tl;dr - Past experiences make it so I don't want to join Discord because I'm an annoying asshole.

Don't be afraid of your quirks. We are furfags, after all.

[Jerry]

On 16/01/2017 at 5:07 AM, FenrirDarkWolf said:

lol time to revive the dead

So I know a lot of people asked me to join Discord, like @LazerMaster5, @Feelwell the Rabbit, @Caledonian, and @Kosha, but the truth is... I just don't feel comfortable doing it.
The last time I joined a fourm group chat (on TeamSpeak) a few years ago, more than a few people called me out on being self-centred and being an extreme attention whore at times, and trying to change the topic. I realised that, but I didn't stop it for quite a bit, and then I just left because, in all honesty, I was mostly like that because I just simply couldn't catch up and be with the conversation. I didn't know how to respond to SO many things on there and it irritated and depressed me. I only do so well in my Skype group chats is because I have a history with pretty much everyone in there, while most of the people I believe are in the Discord chats I barely know and I'm scared they won't tolerate me and my brand of oddity.

tl;dr - Past experiences make it so I don't want to join Discord because I'm an annoying asshole.

I kinda used to feel like this. I've never been a fan of huge discussion groups myself.

Now I just don't bother with this whole catching-up-with-the-conversation thing. I log in and I remain quiet most of the time, but if something interesting is being discussed then I chime in. Interestingly it's easier to me to do this rather than engaging in one-to-one conversations, or small group chats (even though I prefer these). Probably because I can't help but feel I'm going to bother people if I message them directly.

[AleuLeLoup]

I'm always afraid of bothering people if I message them directly. I never feel like I have anything worthwhile to say :c

[Kleric]

I too don't feel at home with joining Discord. I'm just sticking to the Skypes. :0

[Gator]

3 hours ago, AleuLeLoup said:

I'm always afraid of bothering people if I message them directly. I never feel like I have anything worthwhile to say :c

this is my life

 

i confess that i was watching smurfs at like 11:30am today and i realized smurfette was kinda hot i'm a bad person

i also confess that lately i kinda really want kids.  my body is telling me i'm old all the damn time with aches and pains and being tired and grouchy and hating the youth, now it's found a new way to remind me of impending death THANKS

[U-235]

I confess that I have a very tarnished self-image and most of the time I don't really consider myself a good person.

I think it may be attributed to my upbringing in a family that demanded academic perfection and not just keeping up with but surpassing the Jones's. So if I messed up it was entirely on me in my parents eyes despite them being alcoholics and in a failing marriage. I still carry a lot of this and probably blame myself for way more than I should. To be entirely honest there have been more than a few days where I've entirely hated me and my own existence. I feel like parts of me are actually parasitic, and they keep me from being happy without medication (that in addition to being bipolar II). It's probably why I don't have a boyfriend to be honest.

[Fossa]

I confess to feeling very lonely, and out of place, much of the time, even though I tend to be an outgoing sort, and not shy.

I feel as if I have somehow been given this odd set of proclivities/tastes and developed so many obscure interests, that it can be hard for me to feel very deep, meaningful connections with others. And yet, I feel I can relate to almost everyone, but not on a level where I feel like I'm able to connect and express myself: And so, increasingly, I have become more and more depressed, despite all the years of therapy, countless various meds, and other strategies to ward off feeling like not wanting to get out of bed all day, when this mood hits me. Its to the point its starting to make it hard to 'function'...as in: go to work, pay bills, have any hope in the future, fighting off what I call 'intrusive' (detailed) ways to end things...I seem to keep having more and more frequent 'collapses', for lack of a better term. I suppose not being able to drive, a ton of debt, vision problems, the years passing by and so many things feed into this, that I struggle a lot, to see a way 'out' of it all, shy of having money, and I have always been bad at making money, despite working many years...perhaps I should post this as a 'rant' in expanded form, one day. 

[MuttButt]

a couple of days before christmas this year I stole a 120 dollar blanket from Macy's. It was grimey AF, totally on impulse and I feel like a dirtbag

this thing is soft as shit though oh my god

[Gator]

34 minutes ago, MuttButt said:

a couple of days before christmas this year I stole a 120 dollar blanket from Macy's. It was grimey AF, totally on impulse and I feel like a dirtbag

this thing is soft as shit though oh my god

https://www.thebalance.com/macys-store-closings-2892434

now we know who to blame.

[Chaosmasterdelta]

I use to not wash my hands after going to the bathroom 

[MuttButt]

4 hours ago, Gator said:

https://www.thebalance.com/macys-store-closings-2892434

now we know who to blame.

My mother mentioned that to me offhand actually, definitely made me feel like a dick. When I was a kid I used to jack small things from stores all the time because I was dumb and my friends were dumb, and let me tell ya at 22 years old taking something from a department store is no longer worth the guilt and anxiety, lmao

[Gator]

17 minutes ago, MuttButt said:

My mother mentioned that to me offhand actually, definitely made me feel like a dick. When I was a kid I used to jack small things from stores all the time because I was dumb and my friends were dumb, and let me tell ya at 22 years old taking something from a department store is no longer worth the guilt and anxiety, lmao

but nice blankets are nice

i've only intentionally stolen something once in my life (a tiny pop-up picture book), when i was about 6 years old, and i was so wracked with guilt that i confessed the next day and could never enjoy reading the book i had stolen.

[MuttButt]

2 minutes ago, Gator said:

but nice blankets are nice

i've only intentionally stolen something once in my life (a tiny pop-up picture book), when i was about 6 years old, and i was so wracked with guilt that i confessed the next day and could never enjoy reading the book i had stolen.

The actual reason I decided to take the blanket was because I promised my girlfriend I'd get her a sweet christmas gift and I knew I didn't have enough money to do that with all the other stuff we had planned. Still grimey AF though, not gonna lie

 

I have intentionally stolen many small things cuz I was a little goon in middle school and my buddies were a terrible influence. There are also a few times I have stolen eye drops from a safeway because I was completely broke and I didn't wanna come home to my parents eyes blazing red from smoking pot all day O3O

[Gator]

1 minute ago, MuttButt said:

The actual reason I decided to take the blanket was because I promised my girlfriend I'd get her a sweet christmas gift and I knew I didn't have enough money to do that with all the other stuff we had planned. Still grimey AF though, not gonna lie

 

I have intentionally stolen many small things cuz I was a little goon in middle school and my buddies were a terrible influence. There are also a few times I have stolen eye drops from a safeway because I was completely broke and I didn't wanna come home to my parents eyes blazing red from smoking pot all day O3O

truly the noblest of reasons for stealing ;v;

[MuttButt]

15 minutes ago, Gator said:

truly the noblest of reasons for stealing ;v;

it's true I'm like robin hood except not as cute and I can't shoot a bow

[FenrirDarkWolf]

6 hours ago, MuttButt said:

it's true I'm like robin hood except not as cute and I can't shoot a bow

Well, you're already a cute anyway, but I've always wanted to learn archery

I can teach you to throws flags in the air and you'll be fabulous

[Jtrekkie]

Yesterday a friend committed suicide. Not a close friend, but a man who was kind to me, and a friend of my father. He was a teacher as well. The week before a neighbor died the same way. He was kind as well, he was around when I was little sometimes.

 

I don't feel anything, but I have the feeling that I should. Why not? There is some vague regret, but I can't set my heart further towards it. I don't know if I've become numb.

[Socketosis]

2 hours ago, Jtrekkie said:

Yesterday a friend committed suicide. Not a close friend, but a man who was kind to me, and a friend of my father. He was a teacher as well. The week before a neighbor died the same way. He was kind as well, he was around when I was little sometimes.

 

I don't feel anything, but I have the feeling that I should. Why not? There is some vague regret, but I can't set my heart further towards it. I don't know if I've become numb.

I've also felt like this towards certain deaths, so I can relate. I've always wondered if it has to do with depression.

 

21 hours ago, MuttButt said:

a couple of days before christmas this year I stole a 120 dollar blanket from Macy's. It was grimey AF, totally on impulse and I feel like a dirtbag

this thing is soft as shit though oh my god

Bad dog!

1 hour ago, Rhíulchabán said:

I didn't finish my homework tonight :B

Bad bird!

[Feelwell]

I completely bullshitted by essay and left it as basically the minimum. I couldn't do it.

[Socketosis]

I confess I have a forum crush. p:

[SirRob]

12 hours ago, Socketosis said:

I confess I have a forum crush. p:

I confess that I have 939 forum crushes.

[Chaosmasterdelta]

I wait until no one is using the elevator before I get on so I can have a few seconds of alone time 

[SirRob]

I have been genuinely motivated by thinking about Shia Labeouf's "Just do it" video, and more than just one time.

[Chrysocyon]

Holy shit, I have been fucking swearing too damn much lately. Ass!

[Hux]

I might join the army if I can't find a job in a few months.

Don't worry America. Hux will protect you.

[Fantasma]

On 1/28/2017 at 2:07 PM, Hux said:

I might join the army if I can't find a job in a few months.

Don't worry America. Hux will protect you.

Air force has way better food.... jus sayin

[Aetius]

5 hours ago, Johanna Waya said:

Air force has way better food.... jus sayin

Do the chill force. Trust me on this 

[Jtrekkie]

5 hours ago, Johanna Waya said:

Air force has way better food.... jus sayin

 

I was seriously considering joining the airforce for a while. Good opportunities for me, etc., but as it turns out my eyes are uncorrectable. Doesn't stop me from driving though, haha ha... ha.

[Fantasma]

28 minutes ago, Jtrekkie said:

 

I was seriously considering joining the airforce for a while. Good opportunities for me, etc., but as it turns out my eyes are uncorrectable. Doesn't stop me from driving though, haha ha... ha.

A sweetie like you is probably happier on the more relaxed side of things.

Cause you is sweeet

[Jtrekkie]

7 minutes ago, Johanna Waya said:

A sweetie like you is probably happier on the more relaxed side of things.

Cause you is sweeet

 

Aw, thanks You're probably right. Had I done that, there's all kinds of important people I never would have met.

[Vallium]

Sometimes I sneak a bite of whatever food product at work cannot be sold because the packaging was damaged in transit and some of the food has fallen out

Also, I get jealous whenever someone I want to talk to shows up because they seem like theyd be cool to talk to but someone else steals that person and has a conversation with them so now I can only listen to thr cool conversation they are having with said person, upset that it isnt me. Plus, I cant just barge into someone elses conversation, its weird. So I sit there in silence upset that my plan was foiled yet again.

[Vallium]

Alsoooo...it seems that whenever I open up to people about something deep and personal, or the elephant in the room, or a serious talk about something, I freak them out or push them away.

I mustve said something wrong or weird for that to happen. Maybe I shouldve kept my mouth shut and never bothered.

[Jtrekkie]

23 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Alsoooo...it seems that whenever I open up to people about something deep and personal, or the elephant in the room, or a serious talk about something, I freak them out or push them away.

I mustve said something wrong or weird for that to happen. Maybe I shouldve kept my mouth shut and never bothered.

 

Don't, even if you did weird them out people get over things like that. If you never bother you won't get comfortable being serious with people.

[Fantasma]

12 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Alsoooo...it seems that whenever I open up to people about something deep and personal, or the elephant in the room, or a serious talk about something, I freak them out or push them away.

I mustve said something wrong or weird for that to happen. Maybe I shouldve kept my mouth shut and never bothered.

But I like it when you are srs >.>

[Vallium]

27 minutes ago, Johanna Waya said:

But I like it when you are srs >.>

Not you, you dork

I mean I offend other people, apparently...Bringing up personal shiz gets awkward, apparently

[Fossa]

I confess to not being interested in video games, most movies coming out, and seeing computers and smartphones as tools that are helpful in some ways, yet are costly and have to be replaced too often, like tires or mufflers, and they fill me with no particular interest when I have to spend money on 'new' ones: it's like going to the dentist: another expense, but nothing that excites me, in and of itself.

*prepares to be shunned and pelted by stones* :V

[Gator]

6 hours ago, Fossa-Boy said:

I confess to not being interested in video games, most movies coming out, and seeing computers and smartphones as tools that are helpful in some ways, yet are costly and have to be replaced too often, like tires or mufflers, and they fill me with no particular interest when I have to spend money on 'new' ones: it's like going to the dentist: another expense, but nothing that excites me, in and of itself.

*prepares to be shunned and pelted by stones* :V

wat
idgaf about video games or most movies, either.  i have never owned a smartphone and the only reason i'd even consider the ridiculous extra cost would be that literally everyone just automatically assumes i have one.  "Oh, your number is a mobile number?  let me send you a link in a text message."  "If you want to do this thing, just use this app!  Of course it's accessible to everyone; it's free, isn't it?"  "Want information about this?  SCAN IT WITH YOUR SMARTPHONE, DINGUS"  first it was impossible to survive without internet, now it's impossible to survive without internet on your phone. 

and i fucking hate how technology is one of those "can't get by without it any more" kind of things, yet it gets old after a week and has to be replaced/upgraded constantly, but still costs an arm and a leg.  what the hell kind of world are we living in...

oops that was more of a rant time for a confession: if i didn't already have so many health problems, i'd definitely drink more and i'd probably be a smoker by now.  and the worse my life gets, the more real the temptation becomes.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

I've always wanted to write a webcomic, or a novel or something

But I can't write a coherent plot