Hurt

[#00Buck]

I've come to realize recently that I've been in relationships with many people over the course of my life but I've spent far more time hurting people than I have loving them. 

The hurt was rarely intentional but I think the pain has outweighed the love over the course of the years. 

What have you created more of in your life?

Love or hurt?

[DrGravitas]

Estimated amounts of either created by me are statistically insignificant.

[Dr. Doggo]

irritation, maybe

[Enigma]

13 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

What have you created more of in your life?

Indifference and emptiness.

Before my current boyfriend, relationships for me didn't last more than a month. Not that I had many anyways. People were never interested in a relationship with me. They found me 'cute' but nothing beyond that, usually. They would get bored of me or the distance would be too much of a burden.

For a long time I gave up on finding someone. I was content with being alone the rest of my life. It was lonely and numbing, but I had gotten used to it.

My boyfriend approached me with the idea of a distance relationship and I was very reluctant to try again. Though now I am glad I did, we live happily together and I can't see myself without him.

 

22 minutes ago, #00Buck said:

Love or hurt?

Sadly I think have hurt more than I have loved, but I am trying to do right with my current boyfriend. I want to be a better person and make up for my mistakes.

[evan]

i think in the same way that i try to make my mistakes lead to an important success, there has been a lot of pain in order to strengthen love and to understand the value of it.

[Vallium]

I know the feeling...so many friends Ive let down and lost contact with...so many people I did wrong by.

 

...I just feel like over time I fail people. Simply because I lost energy to socially communicate or I forgot what happened between us that made that spark connect. Things end up stagnating and people leave my life. Its my fault, because Im not a good person to be connected with. I have a lot of good "friends" here and around that I rarely talk to, thats not really a good friend.

 

Nothing lasts forever, despite what it might feel like. People give up on you or you on them, they move on.

 

Those facts terrify me because I feel like years from now Im never going to have any solid bases to stick together with, and things never will stop changing. For once I just want things to be stable and happy for as long as what constitutes forever in a finite timeline

[SkyboundTerror]

I've created more love than hate - huge family, many friends, and me being an older brother set me up - but I've been hurt more because of my expectations of others to return what I gave. So I've grown bitter.

I'm weary of it all and I've hit a state of maximum loneliness and I need some loving. v:

[Jerry]

This thread is... surprisingly sad.

I have mixed feelings about this lately. On one hand I'm quite bitter of people and what they did to me in the past,

On the other hand I want to open up to others but I don't know how.

[DevilishlyHandsome49]

Damn..i guess more love but i feel i've caused a great deal of hate from a handul of people. Compared to the others in my life that are happy from me, it may not seem like much but the people who had hated me were heavy hitters at the time.

Now that thats over, I feel love is starting to outweigh the hate that was caused before

[MuttButt]

 I really hope I've caused more love. One of my main goals whenever I meet or get to know a new person is to leave a positive impact on them somehow, no.matter who they are or where they come from. Sometimes it's a bit difficult to really see the full scope of the way you've affected people, especially with strangers and people who have lost touch. 

[Eggdodger]

I try to be a source of unconditional love, I guess because that's what I always wanted as a kid. But I don't have the patience for some people anymore. I've stopped being nice to people who are outright mean. I normally try to avoid interaction with them at all, but I've been responding to hate with hate lately. I need to stop that and go back to smiling whenever somebody puts me down.

 

I also hate getting ignored. I respond to that with anger sometimes, too... I know it's not always their fault, and I need to stop being a clingy bitch when it comes to relationships.

[Vallium]

3 hours ago, #00Buck said:

The hurt was rarely intentional but I think the pain has outweighed the love over the course of the years. 

Ditto on that one, I do my best not to hurt others but in the end it can backfire

...conversely on my part I've been hurt by people too, which makes it very hard to trust and know you matter in their life, or anyone else's

[Guest]

I have hurt a lot of people in the past. I have also created a lot of love in order to atone for a lot of that meanness. And, a lot of that meanness was being mean at myself, to be honest. 

[Kalmor]

Kinda hard to tell really. I've done things that have massively negatively affected people I cared about and I regret those things to the highest level - so I learned from them. And I echo the above sentiment, causing emotional hurt is very rarely intentional.

Then again, I've helped two friends that were on the edge of suicide just to... not carry out what they were close to doing.

In terms of relationships, I feel like I've done good with my bf and ex-gf, the latter of which ended with a largely mutual agreement that things weren't going well and weren't going to get better in terms of having time for each other.

I can't forget the bad things that I've done in the past though and it still bums me out sometimes, which I guess is a good thing:

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it

I believe is the quote.

[DevilBear]

It took me a while to come to grips with this but yeah, I've definitely hurt people.

I was a bit of a bully in school. That I regret a but, but probably not as much as I should. I'm a lot friendlier these days, but I can still be a bit brash. I'm an asshole, what can I say?

Relationship wise, yeah. I have a tendency to hurt people before they get the chance to hurt me. This means I'm a bit disingenuous with people from time to time. Distant. I don't open up to people I'm dating.

In the words of my ex girlfriend, I am a "Cold, emotionless asshole."

Sorry.

[PastryOfApathy]

I'm not gonna throw myself a pity party and let out all my emotional baggage in public, but yeah. I'm guilty of a lot of hurting.

[MuttButt]

59 minutes ago, DevilBear said:

It took me a while to come to grips with this but yeah, I've definitely hurt people.

I was a bit of a bully in school. That I regret a but, but probably not as much as I should. I'm a lot friendlier these days, but I can still be a bit brash. I'm an asshole, what can I say?

Relationship wise, yeah. I have a tendency to hurt people before they get the chance to hurt me. This means I'm a bit disingenuous with people from time to time. Distant. I don't open up to people I'm dating.

In the words of my ex girlfriend, I am a "Cold, emotionless asshole."

Sorry.

I think you're sweeter than you give yourself credit for DB, I'm glad to have you around :3

[DevilBear]

8 minutes ago, MuttButt said:

I think you're sweeter than you give yourself credit for DB, I'm glad to have you around :3

Thanks pal. I think you're swell too. It's ironic- I find it easier to be open and honest with a bunch of anonymous manimals than irl friends. But hey, what can you do.

[grassfed]

I'd say..

 

[Endless/Nameless]

i don't know
i try to be nice but i can be a real son of a bitch.
especially to my own family.
i feel like I'm making up for that tho in other places.

so maybe about equal

13 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

I know the feeling...so many friends Ive let down and lost contact with...so many people I did wrong by.

 

...I just feel like over time I fail people. Simply because I lost energy to socially communicate or I forgot what happened between us that made that spark connect. Things end up stagnating and people leave my life. Its my fault, because Im not a good person to be connected with. I have a lot of good "friends" here and around that I rarely talk to, thats not really a good friend.

 

Nothing lasts forever, despite what it might feel like. People give up on you or you on them, they move on.

 

Those facts terrify me because I feel like years from now Im never going to have any solid bases to stick together with, and things never will stop changing. For once I just want things to be stable and happy for as long as what constitutes forever in a finite timeline

100% same, man.

[Strongbob]

If you are in a relationship for any selfish purposes, you will end up hurting your partner.  Unfortunately it takes a long time to understand if your relationship is self-serving or mutually beneficial.  In the mean time you will hurt a lot of people.  I've hurt people.   The only way to prevent it is to genuinely and selflessly care for someone or not play the game.  

[Strongbob]

11 minutes ago, 6tails said:

Almost every relationship is made for a selfish purpose - the purpose of spreading your biological code. You may not see it like that, but ultimately, it's what our biology drives us to do. Now, whether that code puts you on the (biologically) right target is a different story.

I completely agree with that.  This is why relationships based solely on sexual attraction are rarely healthy.  Sometimes I feel like biology is counter-productive to relationships, which is really odd if you think about it.  

[Guest]

1 hour ago, 6tails said:

As a former sex shop worker, I have to say [Citation Needed] as I've seen plenty of them that work out over many years, and it's plain as day at the sales counter when the guy's already got his hands halfway down her pants while she's breaking out the credit card and isn't blushing in the least.

If I understand your point correctly, just because you happened to cash out a sexually intimate couple on several occasions doesn't mean sexual *only* based attractions work. People who go to sex shops together are usually in commited relationships, in an effort to spice it up, or add to their collection, or whatever.

Yes, sexual attraction is all but required in a romantic relationship if you yourself are a sexual being, but long term, sex only relationships tend to fail when the two persons find a grave non-negotiable. FWBs, are a thing, sure, but thats based on the ability to remain platnoic friends that find eachother sexually fulfilling. Sex only relationships are usually where you find a guy thinking with his dick, sticking it in crazy (or vice versa), and complaining that she's fucking crazy but the sex is hot and she's an 11, so w/e.

But I remain that refuting a statement based on being, at most, a three minute blip in a person's life as a sex shop worker is a shakey premise. Citation Needed, if you will. :v

[Another Ampers&]

this question is interesting for me because these two concepts have become so incredibly linked for me, like I forgot that there's people out there that don't feel like these concepts are sympatico

People in my relationships have varied wildly without middle ground between being genuinely loving and caring and being extremely and violently abusive towards me

Unless we can frame it as being "both those camps loved what they're doing so love is the answer"???

[Vallium]

2 hours ago, 6tails said:

Almost every relationship is made for a selfish purpose - the purpose of spreading your biological code. You may not see it like that, but ultimately, it's what our biology drives us to do. Now, whether that code puts you on the (biologically) right target is a different story.

Yeah but if we boil everything down to biology that doesnt necessarily mean empathy and compassion dont have a place in what we call "selflessness", its what strongbob said, mutually beneficial relations tend to be helpful to both parties, which has a selfish element to it for the purpose of survival. Mutualism is good for individuals since partnerships are often an intermingling of interests.

So I mean, nothing we do isnt self-centered on one hand, but its that drive to help ourselves in a offhand dismissive sense that we help those we care for

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, 6tails said:

Oh, no. You can tell when the couple are very, very clearly into each other and it's not some shallow fling. Constant exposure to couples gives you a great idea on how they are doing from what they buy, how they act, how they interact with others as a couple or individuals, etc.

No, I'm not refuting that. Of course you can tell when a couple is sexually into eachother. I'm saying you can't tell that a sex-only relationship works based on seeing couples with no context outside of, "in a sex shop together". 

[Jerry]

39 minutes ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Yeah but if we boil everything down to biology that doesnt necessarily mean empathy and compassion dont have a place in what we call "selflessness", its what strongbob said, mutually beneficial relations tend to be helpful to both parties, which has a selfish element to it for the purpose of survival. Mutualism is good for individuals since partnerships are often an intermingling of interests.

So I mean, nothing we do isnt self-centered on one hand, but its that drive to help ourselves in a offhand dismissive sense that we help those we care for

This is always been my perception of relationships. There needs to be some reciprocity.

[Jtrekkie]

For myself, I don't know. Both more hurt and less love than I care for. I think I have good will, but not much vitality. I am a ghost that sometimes brushes by, only to be forgotten a second later.



 

23 hours ago, WolfNightV4X1 said:

Nothing lasts forever, despite what it might feel like. People give up on you or you on them, they move on.

 

Those facts terrify me because I feel like years from now Im never going to have any solid bases to stick together with, and things never will stop changing. For once I just want things to be stable and happy for as long as what constitutes forever in a finite timeline

If I may call forth my wellspring of atrabilious optimism, it does not follow.

You may grow past, or grown in a new direction, but to grow apart is something you need to choose to do. Either you commit towards, or you commit against. Similarly, while you cannot always control the hurt because it is not always yours to control, you can control the love you give- or the hatred. Love and hate are more than feelings: they are also a force of will.

Nothing lasts forever, at least in a constant form, indeed it can't because we don't. But things don't leave us entirely, and that is both good and bad. All you really need to do is be a solid base yourself to give others something to link too, and to propogate the will to maintain the links you have.

[Toshabi]

My relationships love the rough stuff and we have safety words for a reason. Toshabi lays down the pain and cripples his lovers with his thicc thighs.

[TrishaCat]

Love almost certainly. Or, at least that's what I hope.

I've never been in any serious relationships, but I try to do my best to make people happy and I have a hard time being mean so to speak.

Though, when I was really young, like in the 2nd grade, there was a girl I thought was cute and we wound up considering ourselves girlfriend and boyfriend. This lasted a few years up until Hurricane Katrina, and then we got separated. Years later I went back to Lousiana to visit my grandmother and ran into her, and we started hanging out again. It was then I realized that she was....unpleasant. And very rude to my grandmother. So when she told me "Hey, you don't have my phone number. Let me get you my phone number." I told her "No thank you. I don't need it", and next thing I knew a few weeks later after I left to go back home my grandmother called and told me she was delivered a broken photo of me and her with the words "I hope you never do this to anyone else" written on a note behind the picture. So I have hurt one person.  Though she really shouldn't have been attached to me; we only really knew each other in elementary school. Surely that shouldn't be considered a serious relationship.

[#00Buck]

On August 17, 2016 at 1:16 PM, 6tails said:

Oh, no. You can tell when the couple are very, very clearly into each other and it's not some shallow fling. Constant exposure to couples gives you a great idea on how they are doing from what they buy, how they act, how they interact with others as a couple or individuals, etc.

A committed relationship calls for the purchase of a wall mounted dildo.

Everyone knows this. 

[Jtrekkie]

1 hour ago, #00Buck said:

A committed relationship calls for the purchase of a wall mounted dildo.

Everyone knows this. 

 

That's a thing? Why is it a thing? Is it like a kinky coathanger?

[Socketosis]

20 minutes ago, Jtrekkie said:

 

That's a thing? Why is it a thing? Is it like a kinky coathanger?

Oh god, my mind instantly thought you were referring to abortions.

[#00Buck]

43 minutes ago, Jtrekkie said:

 

That's a thing? Why is it a thing? Is it like a kinky coathanger?

That sound painful and disgusting.

[Conker]

Well, I went from having friends in college to having pretty much no friends now that the last one moved away. At least we still talk on the phone now and then.

So I'd say hurt.

I was thinking of starting a thread about this at some point, reflecting on how shitty I was in high school and college. Lot of factors in that, most of them being the people I was surrounding myself with, but it makes me think that all the friends that drifted away don't miss me at all and probably don't think highly of me if I do cross any minds.

Solitude ain't the worst thing in the world--gives me more time to do my own stuff--but knowing I probably deserve it makes it a little bitter.

[LazerMaster5]

Neither, I just sorta exist. If only I had someone I could get close to not related by blood.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

14 minutes ago, LazerMaster5 said:

Neither, I just sorta exist. If only I had someone I could get close to not related by blood.

I tried. And I must tell you that...

I'm sorry. For all the trouble and pain that I've probably caused you because I end up hurting more than I end up helping at times...

I think that's why I end up hurting so much.

Because I'm selfish and I want attention and it's all about me but it's not.

[MissFleece]

I feel like I love a lot.

but I also feel like I hurt a lot.

I don't think the two are correlated. 

But, I think I hurt the people I love sometimes too. Everyone does. The only thing you can do is apologize for what you've done wrong, and love twice as hard to make up for your mistake. They might not forgive you, and it's not your place to expect forgiveness. Only they can decide how much you've hurt them, and how much hurt is enough to make them leave. 

[Red Lion]

Not entirely sure which I do more of.

On the one hand I can be inconsiderate as hell, almost to the point of being ignorant about people's emotions. For example: let's say my friend has an unresolved issue and has told me about it.  Maybe all they want is a hug but don't want out outright say they want a hug. So they tell me feelings and kind of hope that I will bestow a hug? Maybe? I'm not even fully sure. 

That's part of the problem though, if you don't ask for a hug you don't get one. Not because I don't care, but because it won't occur to me that it's what you were hoping for.I will however assume that since you've made known you have a problem you want advice, a third party opinion on the matter or my insight. Half the time that isn't what they want though and even though I technically KNOW that's not what they always want my brain can't really wrap around the idea that someone brought an issue to light but isn't looking for a solution, just some kind of moral support (maybe?). 

People have also told me they've been hurt because I'm not very affectionate and I don't ask them to help me with my problems. I've been accused of making people feel insignificant because it seems to them like they have little to no impact on my life, and I don't really do anything to fix that because while that does upset me, even now, I never let it be known that I felt strongly about the issue. 

My habit of shutting people out has been the biggest negative impact on my relationships. That and there are some people that really just can't deal with my personal baggage. My PTSD and history with alcoholism has driven away more than one potential relationship.

Yet when it comes to my closest friends, they're all still here.

They've been here for years and I know that should make me happy, but honestly the more people seem to like me and want to be around me, the more I feel like shit because, under all of my bluster and pride there's a word that echoes through the walls of my mind. It's always there, coloring everything I do. It keeps me from really enjoying the people in my life even though I really do need them every day and love them all with all my heart.  That word is, UNWORTHY. 

[Zaraphayx]

Love.

For posting.

[Sutekh_the_Steak]

I'm only 18 so I've not had many chances to cause much love, or pain. I hope I've caused just general goodness though.

[Hux]

I've never hurt anyone, but I'm not a shitty friend so it's not much if a surprise. If anything, I try too much to make those close to me happy, often at my own expense. I need to be meaner.

[Vallium]

7 hours ago, LazerMaster5 said:

Neither, I just sorta exist. If only I had someone I could get close to not related by blood.

Friendships mean a lot too, lazer. Im kind of dumb with that but you are one of my friends still, and I think you're existence is very comforting to me. You do help a lot in that sense, and as stated before youve been one of the people there to have an ear open for me and comfort me, so youre a good dude.

[Snagged]

I am not the kind of person to make enemies or intentionally hurt people... but neither am I person who could love.

I don't think I have made many people attracted to my company, hence my absence from their lives couldn't have hurt them much. Only my family and a few class mates would miss me because I see them regularly without needing to put up an effort to spend time with them.

I can be likable but I don't think I am well suited of being lovable so it is really difficult to say whether my love/hate karma is positive or negative

Want to have an interesting conversation? No problem at all for me!

Need emotional and unconditional support in hardship? Umm, what am I supposed to do?

All I believe is that every person deserves respect for being who they are but does that make me loving? I don't think so. Emotions and maintaining relationships are not strong parts of my life

[LazerMaster5]

14 hours ago, FenrirDarkWolf said:

I tried. And I must tell you that...

I'm sorry. For all the trouble and pain that I've probably caused you because I end up hurting more than I end up helping at times...

I think that's why I end up hurting so much.

Because I'm selfish and I want attention and it's all about me but it's not.

Oh, hush it. The only pain you are causing is your self loathing and not being in northeast Ohio.

[Feelwell]

In all seriousness though, personally I think I've caused more good than bad, in that area at least.

In one case particularly, though I wouldn't call it typical, I think, and hope, I improved things, and it helped me too.

Edit: Damnit Grass beat me to it. Whatever I got the better version of the song.

[grassfed]

2 hours ago, Feelwell the Rabbit said:

Edit: Damnit Grass beat me to it. Whatever I got the better version of the song.

Sorry but the original is the best, Mr. Cash did a great job covering it though

[Feelwell]

48 minutes ago, grassfed said:

Sorry but the original is the best, Mr. Cash did a great job covering it though

Hey man... It hurts to but I think we have to agree to disagree.

[FenrirDarkWolf]

6 hours ago, LazerMaster5 said:

Oh, hush it. The only pain you are causing is your self loathing and not being in northeast Ohio.

Trust me, I am trying to stop that. It's not as bad as when we together, if that helps anyway.

And I'll def try and visit you... and maybe even let you take me to Cedar Point.

[LazerMaster5]

25 minutes ago, FenrirDarkWolf said:

Trust me, I am trying to stop that. It's not as bad as when we together, if that helps anyway.

And I'll def try and visit you... and maybe even let you take me to Cedar Point.

Once I get my own place you can stay for free while you visit. I will show you the glory that is the Millennium Force.